Money to DS not DIL

Until your son is legally divorced any money belongs to both of them and has to be declared. They both have to fill in a very detailed financial assets form and it has to be declared in court. If it is found that either had money they didn't include there are heavy legal penalties including the possibility of prison. I suggest he gets divorced as soon as possible and you give him some money after that. If you give it before it is not all his.

What TwiceAsNice said.

Agree.
You could perhaps offer to e.g. clear any debts or his credit card now but do not give him the money until he is free.

Thanks - that is what I suspected. At the moment he seems reluctant to do anything formally as they are managing to agree child access etc fairly amicably and he doesn`t want to rock the boat.
What would happen if we did something like occasionally paying his rent? Or even replacing his car?

A car is also an asset and you have to estimate its value on the financial form so cars and possessions up to a certain value are included. I'm not sure about rent

A car would count as a joint family asset. Paying his rent would keep his debt down and benefit his wife when the financial split was eventually made. You need proper legal advice. Do you have a Citizens Advice Bureaux you could visit?

I think that you do need advice, as a friend is going through the same procedure, not only do they have to declare any pensions which will be coming down the line in the distant future, they are also asking about the likelihood of any inheritance from parents, as you have sold your home and have some spare cash your DIL might try to include this into her calculations. If there are children involved it is even more complex.

When there are children involved, not if.

Also, if you did anything that later came out and was regarded negatively by the courts, it could really damage the ongoing relationship between the two of them and we all know where that can lead.

Perhaps you could pay for his divorce costs? That could be what is stopping him going ahead.

I agree with those who say don't give it to him now. I wouldn't even pay off his debts or do anything which would put him in a better position financially unless the separation is amicable and his wife is not expected to take all she can get.

Thankyou for your advice.I think we will hold off for now and just tell him to talk to us if he gets into serious financial difficulty.
We have already changed our will so that the bulk of our estate will go into trust but we will take legal advice as there are a couple of things happening in the next few years which might affect his financial standing.

Don't clear his debts until the divorce is over as they may be taken into account in the settlement.

I took on all the debts cos I had been persuaded to take loans out in my name and so thought they were my responsibility. It was only much later that I found out that debts are sometimes joint responsibilities in marriage and the odds are some would have been taken off my shoulders and put in his name.

OMG sorry about the 'cos'. I have no idea what made me type in text speak [embarrassed]

Just slip him some money now and again until things are settled.

You could put it in his account and give him a debit card that he could use. Or just buy a pre-paid debit card and top it up. That way you can make sure that there is not much on it at any crucial time.

Can you not open a bank account in your name with your son as third party who's allowed access to withdraw from the account with an atm card? We have this arrangement with the bank for when our mum is poorly and she can't get out and about. It works well for us

One of my sons divorced ‘amicably’. They discussed things reasonably, made joint decisions and he handed over the house so that his children wouldn’t have to move. He continues to pay the mortgage and child maintenance but soon after the divorce came through she became very bitter and continues to make unreasonable financial demands. So just be very careful what you give to your son even after things seem settled.
It’s a horrid time and we want to look after our children but great care is needed. Get formal advice from the CBA.
Good luck to you all.

In those circumstances I would open a savings account that has a card access . You can open it in your own name but give him the card.

Twiceasnice is right

I agree that it would be wise to talk to a solicitor who specialise in divorce before you do anything. It might be amicable now but that can change, especially if he starts another relationship. Anything you give him is viewed as income if he receives it on a regular basis.

Also if you gift him more than £2k in any tax year he has to pay tax on it. It’s a tricky one.

No putting his name on a joint account will not help. When my father died my brother and I opened a joint account to distribute his money. My brothers wifes solicitors demanded that every penny from that account was accounted for in his divorce settlement despite the fact that his share was also shown in his own personal account. Fortunately the fact that the 5 main beneficiaries and 22 lesser ones had exactly the same amounts and were clearly identified plus a copy of the will showed there was no hiding of assets on his part.

No no no no Granny you are completely wrong about gifts of money. You are probably confusing it with the annual IHT exempt gift limit of £3000 under the IHT rules Gifts over £3000 under those rules are only liable for IHT if the donor dies within 7 years of the gift and the estate comes under IHT.

Is he paying child maintenance? I just couldn’t help but wonder if this post were turned on its head

‘My DD’s marriage has broken down. She is finding it hard to manage on the small amount of money he is giving her. His parents will soon have a generous pot of money coming their way which I am sure they will be passing onto him- surely she should be entitled to some of it to help with the costs of bringing up the children?’.

I’m not having a pop at you OP and I certainly don’t want you to provide more details - I was just wondering about how quickly we all jumped in to wanting the money protected for him and no one mentioned the financial circumstances of the wife and children