Money to DS not DIL

Is it possible to lend him money? That way he would have the asset but also a debt to you for repayment. Not sure if it's ok, but hopefully another gran will advise

Seeing the money and assets as your son's property because they took the decision that she would be a 'stay at home' mother is both outdated and unfair.
There is a comment earlier to the effect that the mother is being reasonable about contact because the father is paying all the bills.
Some of the comments here fuel the notion that all mothers use their children to exploit the children's father. I don't claim all women behave perfectly but neither do men. Separation, especially where children are involved, is a dreadful experience.
I do understand the issue of splitting finances. It's impossible not to feel irritated when our own hard earned cash doesn't stay with the adult child we gifted it to.

Just to clarify - I do not see the money and assets as his property because he has been the main breadwinner. I gave more details because I wanted to point out that he is already doing all he can to support her and the children financially - and intends to continue to do so for as long as he can afford to. However, she is already seeing someone else and I don`t think it is being unreasonable to want our money to benefit just him and his children.
Thankyou all for you advice - much of which I will take onboard and will definitely proceed with caution

Maryelize, I have every sympathy for your daughter and her situation. I fail to see why money that your daughter's former in laws are expecting should enter into the equation.
Often, money that a family expect to receive from an inheritance doesn't arrive. In many cases care home fees have all but wiped it out.

Morgi you’ve completely missed my point - I was posing a hypothetical scenario to put the other side of the OPs situation. And I would never ever post such personal information about my dd anyway

Hi maryelize, sorry I got the wrong end of the stick.

When my brother divorced his ex got the house, the car and will get half his pension! However, anything he gets from my Mum's estate, when she's gone, is his and his alone!

He also supports his younger daughter and has paid rent on her accommodation. Now she's back with her mum, my ex-SiL is demanding rent from him even though he pays the mortgage!!