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Legal, pensions and money

Cannot get him to leave

(139 Posts)
Nickysmadhouse Sun 24-Nov-19 14:17:39

Hi all, so, my situation is that i purchased my home outright and it is in my sole name, my partner lives with me and the agreement was that as i work part time and he full time he would pay the bills (in his name!) and i would be the good housewife!
Sadly, our relationship is now at the point i can stand it no longer, he says he wont leave as he paid to refit the bathroom and kitchen and other little projects around the house, until i pay him his money - to which he wont tell me how much he wants (not that i have any for him)
I guess my question is how do i move forward and get him to leave, my life is complete misery, i wont bore you with details but needless to say i am isolated in so many ways!

Many thanks for you help ❤️

Tangerine Sun 24-Nov-19 20:35:56

As others have suggested, I think you should take proper advice - Citizens Advice would be a good start because, if they don't know the answers, they will point you in the right direction.

Good luck.

FlexibleFriend Sun 24-Nov-19 20:41:14

I'm guessing he'll claim he considered himself your common law husband and therefore wouldn't be expected to pay rent. We all know common law means nothing but if he claims to all intents and purpose he considered himself married and on the surface the way bills etc were paid he might have a good argument.
Put the boot on the other foot how would us women feel after living together for 9 years just to be told it's over, thanks for your input, now leave. Dunno about you but I wouldn't be impressed.

Nickysmadhouse Sun 24-Nov-19 20:43:32

With the upmost respect you sound just like my mum, she would have said that and more! So thank you. I know i need to just do it and follow it through x

FlexibleFriend Sun 24-Nov-19 20:45:24

Just trying to see it from both sides, doesn't mean I don't sympathise.

trisher Sun 24-Nov-19 20:54:17

I agree that he may have rights as far as a share of the house is concerned after all if you only worked part time and he was paying most of the bills could you have afforded to live there without him? I also wonder why you don't simply look at the situation and offer him a financial settlement that you consider fair? If you have lived in the house for 3 years perhaps work out half the bills for the years, add an amount for the work he has done and a small amount for his share of the property.
All those posting about throwing him out, how would you feel if this was a man posting about a woman he wanted rid of?

Nickysmadhouse Sun 24-Nov-19 21:04:32

He does not have a share of the property. I am more than willing to give him what he is owed for works he has paid for etc, but if i lived in a house that was primarily paid for by Inheritance i would not dream of asking for a share, whether i be a woman or man. Thank you for your input though x

oldgimmer1 Sun 24-Nov-19 21:38:18

There is no such thing as a common law husband. Or wife.

Please get proper advice.

trisher Sun 24-Nov-19 22:05:04

But if the cohabitee has made any contribution to the maintenance of the property he will have a claim. You didn't answer about if you could have afforded to live there without his money Nickysmadhouse. It may be wrong to ask for a share of a property bought through an inheritance but it is equally wrong to dismiss someone who has paid the bills for you for 3 years.

Esspee Sun 24-Nov-19 22:23:12

THE MYTH OF THE FREE HALF HOUR

Time and time again I read threads where the advice is to see a solicitor for the free half hour of legal advice.

It is true that some solicitors/lawyers offer this but there is no requirement so please gransnetters don't offer this advice in the future.

oldgimmer1 Mon 25-Nov-19 06:44:40

Wtf?

The free half hour in not a myth. It's not an entitlement either.

Nickysmadhouse Mon 25-Nov-19 10:00:44

Working part time to take care of every household chore no, i could not afford it in my own, however i could if i worked full time, but that was not the agreement initially, i guess i could argue loss of earnings!
However thats not why i am here, i want him to have back what he’s put in, i just want an end to the nightmare we are living in - and fast, its toxic and unlivable.

trisher Mon 25-Nov-19 10:02:11

Then make him a generous offer and he'll be gone.

trisher Mon 25-Nov-19 10:05:07

But work out half the bills you should have paid and the amount the renovations have added to the value of your property and add a bit more if you want to be fair. If as it seems you just want to kick him out without paying, well you will just have to put up with him.

NotSpaghetti Mon 25-Nov-19 10:16:15

Good luck Nickysmadhouse - be brave, take a free session at a solicitor where you can check things out.
flowers

Nickysmadhouse Mon 25-Nov-19 10:23:01

Trisher i do not want to kick him out without paying him. I am more than happy to, but as i do not have a pot of money under my mattress these things take time to arrange. And i am unprepared to live in this situation longer than i need to. Thanks for your input though

Nickysmadhouse Mon 25-Nov-19 10:23:54

Thankyou, i have an appointment with CAB initially, where they provide 1 half hour session with a solicitor x

FlexibleFriend Mon 25-Nov-19 11:03:35

Are you saying that apart from what he contributed to house improvements he should just write off the last 9 years of his life? I think most people of either sex would find that hard to swallow. All I know is when I got divorced a couple of years ago my ex claimed half the house and was awarded a quarter even though I had owned it outright for many years before meeting him. I was disabled and unable to work but fully self supporting due to my private pensions. He claimed he paid for everything which I disproved but the way judges look at it is. He lost out financially by living with me rather than getting his own place and building up equity in it. So I can see why he's not budging, he wants compensation and that's not just paying him for the home improvements.

Madmaggie Mon 25-Nov-19 11:06:01

You owe him nothing for the updating of YOUR house as he has had the benefit of it as much as you have. Unless you signed a document to reimburse him. I've learned that from watching judge rinder on tv. I wish you luck.

FlexibleFriend Mon 25-Nov-19 11:07:06

You may not have the money, nor did I but I had to find nearly 150k to get rid of him and protesting poverty won't help as you can always raise funds even if it means selling the house. I don't think yours will be that bad as you were not married but 9 years is considered a long marriage so it would certainly constitute a serious relationship.

Juicylucy Mon 25-Nov-19 11:14:28

What about if you looked for the invoices of the bathroom and kitchen refits or contacted the companies and found out how much they cost him. Then you could sit down and work out a fair comparison on what he wants and what you think is fair and you can afford to pay him to get rid of him. Do it without him knowing then when all your ducks are in a line you can say “ right this is the amount I’m prepared to give you but I won’t be transferring it into your bank until your belongings are packed up and your ready to go”.
Off course you must seek legal advise to but please do it all without him knowing until you know where you stand.

ALANaV Mon 25-Nov-19 11:18:09

Don't see it mentioned, but where was he living prior to moving in with you > i.e. did he own his own property/or was he divorced, and therefore with a right to some of the proceeds of the sale of that property ? or was he renting elsewhere or just living with someone prior to you ? If the first case, then he should have money from the sale of that property ….which means he will be able to rent something else (although references might be a problem !). He must produce dated (not backdated) receipts for the amounts he alleges he has spent on your house. You must be able to prove he has never paid you any rent …..he may argue this, but then if so he should show bank statements showing transfers or some proof if he has it (which he won't have !) Not sure about the current law of co habiting and expenses/rights . might be.. in my case some years ago I bought my house outright as I moved from an expensive area to a cheaper one ...my then fiancé said he must have a garage before he could move in and sell his house...so I said sorry, I can't afford that ...so he lent me £8,000 to build it, on the understandin that if we split up (we were intending to get married until he ran off with someone else !) he would be repaid ! However his mistake was to have nothing in writing ...at the time I suggested to him he make a legal declaration through a solicitor that he had lent me this he money so he could be repaid. He didn't. so when he left and asked me for his money he was unable to prove he had ever given it to me …....so he never got it back ! I do hope you can resolve this …...he sounds like he thinks you will simply pay up to be rid of him …..don't !!!! good luck

Nelli123 Mon 25-Nov-19 11:20:20

Many people keep suggesting to pay for half of the bills he has paid over the years, but surely he would have had to pay his bills wherever he was living! I wouldn't think it fair to have to pay for living costs that he would have had even when living by himself. As to the home improvements, that's a different matter altogether.

I left my husband 30 years ago due to abusive behaviour, and the mortgage company came after me for half the mortgage repayments even after the divorce had come through because it was very difficult to get my name off the deeds. I was happy for him to keep the house just to be able to get away from an abusive relationship. Maybe I should have claimed for all sorts of input I made to the house over the years we were married! Instead, I should have carried on contributing to his home. You couldn't make it up, could you!

BusterTank Mon 25-Nov-19 11:22:21

This is a difficult one because depending on how long you have been together . Depending on how long you have been together he could be class as your common law husband . Then you could be in some sticky water . You need to see a solicitor before he does . Good luck .

Seajaye Mon 25-Nov-19 11:26:30

As others have said advice from a solicitor. Don't threaten to charge him rent if you want him to leave, but get the bills transferred into your name, if necessary by opting to go with new suppliers.. Depending on the length of your relationship and the amount he has spent on your property he may be entitled to something but it probably won't be a huge amount. A solicitor can also advice you on how to remove him from the property if he won't leave voluntarily.

jaylucy Mon 25-Nov-19 11:26:33

The thing is, he says that he has done x y z to the house but let's face it, wasn't as if he did the work and the lived somewhere else - he has had the benefit of the improvements that he did, as well as the use of the utilities he has paid for!
He must put in writing what he thinks he is owed. This you can take to a solicitor.