Cannot get him to leave

Best advice is to speak to your solicitor. And Id change the bills that he does pay into your name asap. And solicitor will advise on all of that.

Would couple therapy help or has it gone past that stage?

Good luck with all.

We have lived together for 3 years. The other 6 was merely ‘dating’ i would class, as i lived 1 and half hours from him up until January 2017

What a horrid situation. I would certainly get legal advice and then, as another poster suggested, change the locks. When you have done that, will it be possible for you to have a night or two away to have a breather and foil him if he calls to make a nuisance. Good Luck.

Yes, gone past that stage now... i have previously asked but he wouldnt.
I am sorting bills now, good timing too as annual reviews due

Thank you all for your help and support, it means alot. i will get sorted. and as dramatic as this sounds i have felt the only way to be free of him (and i have told him this) is if i were dead.
So, please, some of you, try and think of your words and tone before you post.

Surely you must have a pretty good idea how much your partner has spent on the house, your house. We all know, or have a good idea how much it costs to run a house. Gas, electric, council tax etc.,. It’s a rather strange arrangement you’ve had, your house but partner pays for everything including new bathroom, kitchen, the two most expensive rooms to refit. You working only part time and him full time.

You will need a very good solicitor but it’s my opening that your partner is owed a share in your house and of course he too will get legal advise.

Yes Nightsky2 its called control.

And i know how much the bills are i sort them each review.

The refits were done in bits and pieces, to several different trades. You know im sure, £100 here, £3k there.

But thanks for your belittling input

Pretty much the exact same thing happened to m!. In the end my son in law dealt with the situation, not quite physically but ex was not man enough to stand up to him. The whole affair was very distressing and ended up with me having a break down 2 years later. Please make a stand and get your life back!

Nicky. Don’t waste money on solicitors, just tell him you’re going to balance board and lodging against the improvements he’s done, change the locks and kick him out.
Let him chase you for any compensation he thinks he is due.

Unfortunately the house has become his only home and he does have rights that prevent you just demanding he leaves. There will be a way to go about it, but it's not simple. When I was in a similar situation it took a few large men to stand there while I asked him again to leave, and when later he came back and tried to insist I let him back in, the police only agreed to escort him off the property because by then he'd rented a room and that was now his official residence.

NB this man had paid nothing towards the household expenses, he had rights simply by it being where he had lived for some time.

I don’t understand why you’re being so accommodating?
It’s your house - and he WONT leave and shouts at you?
Of course you should gather his stuff and change the locks, tell him to invoice you for what he believes is owed and if he does this then produce an invoice for rent, and pay the balance - I bet there won’t BE a balance - you also need to deduct an amount, I would suggest 25% for the kitchen and bathroom and fridge as I presume he did use them?
You can’t resolve this unless you get a big tougher.

I am afraid if he can show that was his home, the police will have the power to help him gain entry. That's what they told me.

Davidhs. That’s not how it works.

Until you get your face to face advice - this link is to the CAB online advice guide - I would start with the family tab. All my sympathy for the horrible position you are in. www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

As far as his ‘rights’ once he legally gets those you’re in more trouble if he’s still there - if you don’t want him claiming half of your home (esp because you let him have bills in his name in your home) then get him out before you are legally told you can’t!
Change the locks and all the bills as soon as he’s next out - do it!
He will have a harder time claiming if he’s not living there.

As others have said, you need legal advice as soon as possible. There have been cases where work carried out by someone living in the property has been enough for them to acquire an equitable interest in the property but it will vary on a case by case basis depending on how much work was done, what the understanding was, how long the relationship etc.
Be careful that you are not inadvertently agreeing to something that gives him more rights.

As soon as he’s hollering at the door - call the police and tell them you’re scared of him - which isn’t unfair - you wouldn’t want to be alone with him in the house after that!
It is Your house and he’s trying to get ££from you - he’s playing dirty, you need to do the same.

Hasn't this been on before?? i think we all advised to see a solicitor?

There is a difference between rights to an interest in the property and rights to live in a place. Even a couple who own the house in equal shares sometimes one of them will be ordered by court to leave and the other will have the sole right to live there. This is definitely a legal situation that needs to have good legal advice.

I admit to fast forwarding to the end of all the messages - but of the ones I read, I saw no mention of the Citizen's Advice Bureau. They should be able to advise you what steps to take, and maybe recommend a solicitor too.
Apologies if I'm repeating what has already been said.

Not good advice there Davidhs Legal advice is a necessity, whatever we feel are the moral rights and wrongs this is not the law. Talk to a solicitor Nickysmadhouse spending some money on advice now may save you a whole lot of trouble and money later.
I hope you get things sorted out without too much hassle. Good luck.

nanamac77 i have an appointment with the CAB with half hour solicitor so should be more informed then, thank you.

And thank you all, i really want to sort things as calmly and maturely and cost effectively as possible, i honestly dont think i have a battle in me!

I really do wish id have spoken to myself 3 years ago!

Unfortunately, the Police will not remove him unless there is a breach of the peace (if you call them in a row and say you are being verbally abused, they would usually find that enough). Otherwise, you have to get an injunction from court If it was me, I’d take a short cut. When he is out, whether the Police have removed him or for any other reason, I would get the locks changed (pay extra for a rapid service), quickly throw his stuff into black bags and/or any suitcases he owns, put them outside the house and simply don’t let him back in. Job done!

You MUST get legal advice. Many solicitors will give a 30 minutes free consultation, which would help you initially. It’s your house, so I would imagine the law would (should) be on your side.