Cannot get him to leave

this is controlling emotionally manipulative and also financial abuse on his part PUT HIM OUT and change the locks !

First, the OP mentioned in several posts that she has every intention of paying the gentleman for the upgrades he did to the kitchen and bathroom and that she would be willing to take out a loan to pay him if he would give her the cost estimate.

Secondly, I don't understand those saying that the OP owes her soon-to-be ex-partner additional money because he paid the bills. SHE paid for the house so he lived rent & mortgage-free. Seems like an even trade to me.

Thirdly, she has also mentioned in several posts that she does NOT want to be unkind to him, but she DOES want him to leave. I'd think that is her prerogative, as she owns the home and no longer wants to be in the relationship for whatever reason. He may not be ready to let go (hence the reluctance to provide the upgrade estimate), but that is his issue to deal with. Most of us have been through breakups. They're not fun but not facing reality and dragging feet only makes it worse.

It appears that she's already taken the best advice that I saw on here, which was to read the literature, contact local help groups, and make an appointment with a solicitor for some free, initial legal help.

Sending good thoughts and wishes your way, Nickysmadhouse! Hope all works out for you.

notthatoldyet he has only lived in the house 3 years, not 12!

I agree with all gmarie has said

Best wishes to you Nickymadhouse and good luck. I agree with everything gmarie has posted. Ignore aggressive and negative posters.

As far as I can see you are living together he has no actual rights, common law partners than means zilch in eyes of the law, the house is in your sole name helped to buy by inheritance, he might have bought kitchen n bathroom but he’s benefitted from these things he’s been living with you and hasn’t moved out and bought these things, of course you need to get legal advice, you sound like a decent lady albeit unhappy and you deserve happiness I hope you get this sorted out ASAP

get a solicitor.......do it properly .he needs to get a list and how much things cost. or you could change the locks .and clothes in bags outside...

Nickysmadhouse you said you had been in touch with CAB and will be getting a free half hour with a solicitor. But if you dont yet have a definite date for that meeting I do think you should contact a solicitor directly yourself as soon as possible so that it doesnt drag on and on. The CAB do a wonderful job but have so many demands on their time that it could be a month or more before you see someone. I do hope you get it sorted quickly so you can get on with your life. Good luck

I have had my appointment this morning, and the lovely lady that sent the ‘shelter’ info link is right, That he has no claim on the property and that should he feel he does he would need to instruct his own solicitor.
They agree that in the interest of kindness to offer him a percentage of what he has paid for works carried out, taking into consideration depreciation and that he has made use of the facilities. I always intended to pay him.
They advised to 1, work out amicably between us. 2, mediation 3, solicitor, of course if he is unreasonable or unresponsive to any suggestion i can simply ask him to leave without offering him a penny and he would have to make a claim through the courts should he wish.
This is however where the water muddies.... as there is no actual domestic violence the police wouldnt be inclined to remove him.
I can give him notice to leave and then if he fails to leave, locks can be changed (i really would never do thaf!)
The other option would be to offer him a tenancy and he pay me rent (this may be enough for him to go rent independently rather then having to pay me!) if however he wanted that, i could draw up aa 6 month assured short hold tenancy, i can then terminate that at any point with 2 months notice, if he then fails to leave i can get him evicted (which would be expensive and time costly but at least would be done properly as such)

And so, i have things to think about and put in place.... but as a final thought...advise anyone and everyone you know not to get into my situation ?.

Thanks to all of you that helped me last week with your kind words, thought and links

Nicky x

Definitely no to doing the tenancy agreement! That just adds another layer to his rights and you'll end up with two cases to fight. Ok my idea is this, if he won't move out. As you have been assured he has no legal interest in a share of the house, you put it on the market, and don't invite him to join you in the new house when you move in - that way he has no rights to it as his home. But out of the sale, pay him the share of his expenses that you have either managed to agree or think fair. You could also give him a deposit to rent a flat so he can't say you left him homeless.

I don't have the patience of a saint myself. I'd have got a couple of heavies to convince him to move on by now!

My friend did what ReadyMeals has suggested. It seemed to work out well and they're still friends. Perhaps think about this suggestion.

Every case is different, I suppose. Hope things work out for you.

Can you possibly guess the cost of the house maintenance he has done? For instance it may be easy enough to work out the cost of the fridge, and what the bathroom and kitchen would have cost if they had been done by a tradesman.

Remember too that your housework has a value of about £8 per hour including shopping.

Also you have provided a roof over his head, what otherwise would he have had to pay in rent?

Whether or not he has rights depends on how the original quid pro quo worked out. It sounds to me you are approximately quits. But see a lawyer.

PS www.homebuilding.co.uk/bathroom-cost-guide/

PS www.mybuilder.com/pricing-guides/kitchen-fitting-cost