Cannot get him to leave

HA! written bill with receipts - no recipes! Sorry!

Also "on the condition that he was doing work in the house"!!
I had to answer the door then do something about a parcel so when I returned I only re-read the last part of my message! I thought I had checked the top bit! So sorry!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I cannot stress this enough, please do not put anything in writing about money for improvements which could weaken your case far more than changing the locks. Any suggestion of intent will open up a minefield for the solicitors to make money. Incidentally, he would find it almost impossible to get legal aid for an action against you and anything he won would have to go towards paying it off unless he was awarded costs. He is blindsiding you with fear of what he might do. Do not let him because it will make you weak. He knows you well and that works in your favour. Act strong and with determination which will catch him off guard. Keep repeating to yourself that he has no legal rights to residency and you do not have to suffer his parallel universe unless you choose to. Good luck.

It’s your house so wait till you know his going out pack up his stuff leave it outside and change the locks, job done you don’t have to live in misery.

Just change locks and leave his stuff and tell him to invoice. I don’t think people are deliberately being unkind to you, just a bit frustrated that you’re being so nice to this unwanted lodger.

OP - I have not read through all these pages so do not know if it has been suggested for you to look at facebook groups for ''legal advice'' in UK - I joined one for France and found it good and there is even a Notaire on it who gives his opinion free - that is if you can stand any more advice!!.

Put nothing in writing, including.email or texts. Do nothing without legal advice & pay for it if it'll get you this more quickly. It's an investment & will save you much future expense, trouble & grief to know exactly what your rights are. Also it might help for your solicitor to act for you by writing to him formally to say he must leave, if he is in denial and won't listen to you. Good Luck!

Jillybird, have you contacted Social Services about your situation? If the dementia progresses he may well need residential care.

I don't know what your issues with your partner are, but if it is possibly domestic abuse/coercive control, Women's Aid can advise you.

Once, a very long time ago, I was in the same situation … won't bore you with the details. I tolerated everything until, one day, I couldn't. So, when my partner was out, I packed … for him. His clothes, his books, any personal bit and pieces, his papers … basically, every single thing that belonged to him. Then, I put everything in the hall.
He bellowed, he cried, he ranted and he raved, but I stood firm. Eventually, after about twelve hours of drama, that was it. End of. Gone!

You need to determine whether he has tenant rights. In some jurisdictions, if he's lived there for a certain amount of time, you can't just toss him out. I agree that a solicitor would be your best bet.

Sadly, because you were partners but weren't married, there may be some issues.

Hi there

I've read pretty much all of the thread but am not sure if anyone has suggested that you have a look at this:

england.shelter.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/23393/ShelterGuide_RelationshipBreakdown.pdf

It looks like it may have some useful information, and might be worth a read.

Also, again, I don't think anyone has suggested this, as he's the one working full time, and has done work on the house that he wants paying for, why doesn't he buy the place off of you? Just a thought, but it would give you the opportunity to leave him, get your money back, and then you can go back to where you came from if you wish.

Whatever you do, I do hope that you manage to get rid of him soon, as no one wants to live their life walking on eggshells.

Goodluck, and please keep us informed as to the advice you get from C.A.B.

Nudejude i have asked him to buy the house off me, siting what a shame it would be after all the work rtc he had put into it, answer was no! I am of the definite mind that even if i offered the house free to him he’d decline, either to continue the misery or for more control.
Whatever happens now i have to stick to my guns and get things moving. Thank you so much x

Nudejude, i have read through the link.... extremely useful, thank you so very much? xx

He may have an equitable interest in your property if he has been contributing financially and has undertaken work to improve the house. You will need to get legal advice. The best thing you could do to avoid running up high legal costs is to try and agree an amount for him to go. If he is adamant that he wants the value of the work he has done, get some estimates of what it would cost to do today which will give you a guide and base your offer on that. It may mean you have to take out a loan but if it gets him to leave it will be worth it.

I am at the beginning of divorce proceedings. I know its different as am married but forget any ideas of amicable or reasonable! I have been as amicable as possible butmy OH is making it very uncomfortable to live in my own home but I am going to sit it out as miserable as it is. I got my free advice and decided to petition. My solicitor is going ahead with petition as they have no opposition from him (no bloody reply at all ) although he has appointed a solicitor. He is sweetness and light when kids are here but mean and spiteful when we are alone. He tells me im entitled to nowt but I'm biding my time and not engaging. I just keep thinking there is light at the end of the tunnel and I will be free and maybe not rich but far happier than I have been for years. Speaking to the solicitor made the decision for me, I'm so glad I went. Good luck

The thing that keeps wrankling with me is your original comments
You purchased the house
He oaid all the bills
You wanted to be the housewife
He even refurbished the bathroom
So he has financially contributed quite considerably
Reverse the roles and everyone would be shouting about the womans rights !
Be fair ...
Could you not be nice and offer to assist him to find alternative accommodation perhaps pay his deposit for rented accommodation ?
The past is over but you could make it easier to move on
I would also suggest seeing a solicitor as 12 years is a long time ...

Change the locks and get a burly friend around to support you when he comes back from work. Don’t try and handle it on your own.

As you have been together for nine years, your partner/companion probably thought/hoped that you were making a life together. He lives with you and has made the house you share his home. He now has to come to terms that your relationship is over and the place he thought of as home no longer is. I feel you need to talk and maybe put him in touch with someone who can help with rehousing. This is not easy for either of you. But kindness goes a long way in helping a person to see reason. Identify the problem, try and seek a solution together. I do hope this will not drag on for either of you and that a solution can be found.

I agree with everyone regarding legal advice, but it might be worth suggesting that as the relationship has broken down, if he wishes to remain living with you he will now need to pay rent. The money he spent refurbishing needs to be presented to you, at this point you can tell your partner how much the rent will be and how many weeks he can remain based on the amount he spent on the refurb. You would need to base the rent on a similar price house share and you would need to split the utility bills. Good luck.

Not 12 years.

Definitely get the best legal advice. Ask around for recommendations. Some are better than others. Have seen two friends rinsed by the ex partners because they didn’t have good lawyers.

For the purposes of transparency, he earns upwards of £40k PA as an electrician, i earn £10k in the education sector, he does not need me to pay his deposit for rented accommodation.
When looking to purchase this house we wanted to both put in half, mine being cash and he having a mortgage, unfortunately it could not happen as no lender would see my half as anything other than a very hefty deposit and i would have to be on a mortgage for the remainder with him, that, i did not want or need, i had no need to be encumbered for the next 25 years when i had cash to buy the house outright , it however transpired that he could not in fact secure a mortgage as he was still named on his (ex) marital home mortgage, although paying nothing towards it since his daughter had turned 18 two years previously and had done little to enforce his removal from said mortgage. And so i feel pretty loathed to explain myself to people that just want to throw me under the bus without knowing the situation.

Yes, i have been naive, but acted in good faith.

As above advice is very good, to quicken up the process, next time he goes out, change all the locks and make sure all the windows are bolted,,and when he comes back ring the police if he kicks off and he will be at least a breach of the peace, and have his clothes and belongings outside the door and do not let him back in,,as all have said he does not contribute to rent, change all the bills over into your name and give him the final accounts, to make him see he has no choice he has to go away. Try to be very brave and strong, it will be a frightening for you, be as strong as you can, can you have a friend to stay to keep you company for a day or so, maybe he is making excuses as he is frightened to move out, so make it so he has no choice.