Advice and thoughts please

I'd opt for the division of assets to be between the three children. But it's not about what other people think; remember that this should be your decision. A Will is about the wishes of the person writing it. It's my understanding that in the UK, other than rules ensuring the financial security of bereaved spouses, young children, and (in certain special cases) "dependent" adult children, you can divide up your assets exactly as you choose to. So do what you want to do!

As our children are grownup and well established, we discussed with them that we should leave inheritance to their children. This is written in our wills

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

May be totally inconsequential as can be changed. Unlikely you will both die at exactly the same time though not impossible. If property etc is left to surviving spouse they will have the whole amount to do with what they want. The survivor will then have to make decision on what happens. Loads of options on what may be in a Will, eg you may be allowed to live in house but on your death DHs half goes to his child. After 30 years though would say should be equal shares for the two sets of offspring.

I have a similar but slightly different problem, so I will start my own thread.

If there are mirror wills with no other bequests then the survivor can do as they wish.
If as in this case a share of the estate is given to specific beneficiaries the surviving partner should respect the wishes of the first will. The intended beneficiary in the first will could challenge the second will, bereavement is a very stressful time for families don’t make it worse.

First of all I would say that it is up to you as to how your estate is divided but quite honestly, you need to have a discussion with your husband - I can't really understand how a will that was made 30 years ago can still be classed as valid - what would have happened if you were no longer speaking to one of the family members?
Seek legal advice before much further.

The way I see it is that at the moment half of the estate is your husbands and half is yours and how it is then divided between both sets of offspring directly relates to that. So your half goes to your heirs and his half goes to his.

If you want to change this you will need dh to agree. After 30 years it is probably high time you reviewed your wills anyway.

Never mind the legal side of things.

Do you regard and love his child like your own and does he love your children as his own?

If the answer is yes to both questions leave your property to be divided equally between the three children. If not, leave it as your will stands today.

Whatever you decide, I think you should tell the three "children" the terms of your will now, so there are no hurtful surprises later when they cannot ask for your reasoning.

In law, even if both spouses die in the same accident or similar event the younger of the two is presumed to have outlived the elder, so dying together won't solve any problems.

Leave it all to Cats Protection!

I would support split 3 ways

I too think half and half is fairer if you came into this marriage with assets from divorces.

When one of you dies the other can change the
will and leave only to their child/ children leaving the others out.,

It’s been over 30 years, so I think split 3 ways is now fair.

Split equally three ways. When my mum died (she had very little money and no property) it should have been split two ways between my brother and I. Having said that mum brought up my brothers child ie my nephew who really looked after his gran as we both lived away. We split money 3 ways - my children received nothing which I was completely happy with.

Wills can be contested?
Mirror wills can be contested!
How is the property drawn up? I.e. joint tenants or tenants in common?
If joint tenants on death of one it passes to the other, they can then choose to do anything.
This too can be contested!
If tenants in common you will your share 50/50, 70/30, you can choose any split. The remaining spouse lives there until they die, both your wishes then get carried out.
It too could be contested but shows your intentions when you drew it up that way, so is usually more secure.
Communication is the key, talk to your husband, come to an agreement then tell your children preferably all at the same time. They then can't say they were told anything different to each other!

From the OP it appears they have Mutual Wills

What is the effect of a mutual Will?
If one testator dies, and the deceased testator had not revoked or altered his Will then the surviving testator will be bound by the mutual Will. They will hold the property and assets of the deceased person “in trust”. If they try to revoke or alter their own Will, they would be committing fraud and a Court would be unlikely to grant permission for the change to be made.

If the present Will was made many years ago you need to get it updated and put some provision in the updated Will that if either one of you die before the other that you will stay in your home until you die and that the remaining person will split what money is left equally amongst your Children of both Families. If one of your Children should die before either yourself or husband then their remaining portion should go to the grandchildren of your deceased child. Solicitors will advised to keep your Will in the bloodline.

Mutual wills do not prevent challenges to estates!

I think the two siblings would possibly feel agrieved in not getting an equal share to the one other. The fairest way is to give an equal share to all three then none of them can complain. You've been together long enough to be one family and only fair they all get the same.

3 equal ways.

I remember my mother agonising over this. She was quite well off as she sold her large house in a desirable area, invested the money very wisely and lived off her pension. (In the days when that was possible!) Both my brother and sister, and their partners, had very large pensions, plenty of savings and no expenses. They didn't need any more, frankly. But when she asked me, (we were very close and I used to see her every day in her last years) I said: Split it equally between the three of us. Anything else would not have been right.

There’s no right or wrong, but personally if there are three children in the family (which there are) I would leave a third to each.

There is no guaranteed fair split that would prevent risk of family rifts occurring in the future. If there was any pre marriage accumulated wealth from the separate parts of the family lines or birth father's/ mother's families, then it is arguable that there might be an expectation that it is to follow family lines. However often pre marriage inheritance gets mingled with matrimonial assets. Mirror wills are not any guarantee that the children/ grand children of the first deceased of a couple will get anything. Get some legal advice as it seems you may need to set up life interests for one another in the first deceased share, and trust deeds for sort out who is to get what after the remaining spouse dies. Once you have discussed what you want to do between yourselves, after taking legal advice, let the children know so that they know what arrangements you are making.

If there is a fair amount of wealth involved inheritance tax implications might also need consultation as well as possibility of care home bills diminishing the value.

If any adult children are likely to live at home and provide care to their own financial detriment, for example by not working full time, or unjust enrichment of non carer adult children occurs through less care home bills having to be met because one child did the caring, then this might also need addressing as part of 'fairness' considerations. It's certainly a complicated decision..