Advice and thoughts please

Shandy is quite correct any will can be challenged, lawyers get rich that way. Hazel has not said what provision has been made for her, or indeed her husband so they could challenge the will.
So that is why it is wise to have a properly drawn up will that is not ambiguous, be clear who gets what, and if you are leaving anyone out say why.

We are in a similar position , my husband has two and I have one and we have split ourselves three ways

Ours not ourselves ?

We are the same. I have 2 grown up children and DH has 1. None of our own.

We have divided our joint estate equally between the two families because we have put more or less equal amounts into the home.

We have a Trust in the wills for the children to protect their inheritance. Our solicitor has also written in that the remaining spouse can stay in the house when the other dies.

You are not alone in this and I think only you and your husband can decide and hopefully agree on the way forward

Do all the children know the current arrangement?

Discussing it with them now may lead to a fallout if 1 or 2 of them don’t agree to any change. Then what do you do?

I am child No. 3 of 4. Same parents. Mum died first then dad left all proceeds to 4th child because he was born a male and us 3 girls had husbands. ?

Sorry this is not the advice you are after but food for thought

My father re-married and his wife had 3 children and I am his only child. His wife died before him and when he died the inheritance was split 4 ways, which I was quite happy about.

A friend, on the other hand, wants the inheritance split 50/50 as her husband has 5 sons and her only son would receive very little if it is split 6 ways.

I am in the same position I have 2 daughters and husband has 1 son. Ours will be split 3 ways.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

@Woodmouse49 - that sounds like a good plan to me.

After 30 years of marriage, family life & joint estate, there is more that unites than separates members of this family..

When both parents have died (with lifetime interest in place), a equal part to each of the adult children is fair.

A good solicitor will draw this up correctly. They may also ask what is to be done if one of the adult children dies, does their share of the inheritance go into a trust for their children ?

Definitely split 3 ways. You’ve been married long enough now for you and DH to have had joint input into your assets. Quite honestly I would never have even contemplated it any other way!

‘ A friend, on the other hand, wants the inheritance split 50/50 as her husband has 5 sons and her only son would receive very little if it is split 6 ways.’

Understandable concern but if the estate is one that the couple have built up over many years &/or as the children have brought up, then an equal sharing between the siblings is fair.

If the joint estate is relatively new &/or one person brought considerably more in than the other, then a weighted distribution would be reasonable, e.g. distribution ratio reflecting the original contributions.

Always get expert legal advice & have the will professionally drafted. Always.

No matter how trusting you are wills can be changed by the surviving spouse, especially if there is a strong and not necessarily honest influencer giving advice.
Leave your gifts equally but make sure the will is cast iron. It’s heartbreaking and expensive to challenge.

I think it depends on the ages of the children when you got together. If your DH has been a father to your children and you a mother to your SD. So you have been a complete family then yes I think it should be split three ways but if they were older when you got together then it should be split in two

I think that legally, Wills (in the UK) aren't required to be "fair", other than that specific minimal amounts can be claimed by a surviving spouse and any "dependent" children, if they are left out.

I think half and half is fairer and would lead to less resentment

Definitely a 3-way split.

depends. what did you own before you were married. did one person bring more into the marriage at that time? Was the house worth $50K at that time and now worth $1M? Was it his house or your house. 30 years is a long time. much is shared over 30 years. how is the title held to the house? Definitely talk to an Estate Attorney for advice.

Hazeld - you should each leave your own children your half of the estate, so your children are entitled to 25% each of the total estate, and his child is entitled to 50%. You might not think that fair and the children might agree with you but unless you can remove the possibility of your children or his child receiving nothing at all, this is the way to protect them. Imagine the scenario where you slit by three, so that your two children end with 66% of the estate and his 33%, and then you die, your hubby might make another will and completely cut out your two children to enable everything to go to his child. Of course, the same can be said if he were to die first. It's easier to say that you know neither of you would disinherit the other's child/children but how do you know for sure?

This is very important. We saw a specialist family lawyer and it was amazing the numbers of complicated scenarios she thought up as we were making our wills. I would never have imagine, nor planned, for them. Please take care.

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Fangs a lot! that's to the previous poster as to her insight into the world of vampires, not sure you'll find your captive audience on GN though, strangely have never come across any threads on the right or wrong way to sink one's gnashers into the unsuspecting victim's neck, but you never know we're living in strange times!