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My son can’t handle money

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Margomar Sun 21-Mar-21 00:31:11

We have 3 daughters and a son, who is the youngest. The daughters are pretty sorted re housing/finances. DS constantly has his hand out for help with debts and my DBH usually hands over the money , with a very heavy heart. We worry about the well-being of the DS, he had a “misspent” youth , smoking dope and dossing about, but has at last got qualifications and a decent job. DBH has lost a brother and 2 nephews through suicide and we both worry that severe stress could tip our DS into mental illness- so we bail him out financially. This causes the 3 older sisters to be furious with him and with us, as they feel he is exploiting us, and we are too weak. Now the DS wants significant help with a deposit for a house, he’s been renting so far. Am very torn, should we help him out, we could just about, and still have a small amount of savings.

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RyanWillcox Fri 16-Jul-21 09:23:54

Something I did to help my grandson who was terrible with money was putting him to work in my company, I monitored his money spend through my accountant, I paid him daily sometimes weekly but I found quite quickly not giving it to him in a lump sum it he managed it much better, also I paid him electronically which seemed to help, but ultimately without my bookkeepers & I monitoring it & his determined attitude to change we wouldn't be here, I use ember.co/ to help the. finances, but there are others you can use; www.techradar.com/uk/best/best-accounting-software this blog might help. All the best & I hope this comment helps!

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TrendyNannie6 Thu 29-Jul-21 19:17:31

Good post tickingbird, totally agree

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Madgran77 Thu 29-Jul-21 20:25:25

You have to stop enabling him. Period. He wont get more finance savvy if you dont let him hit rock bottom.

Spot on!

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missourisusan Thu 26-Aug-21 19:37:52

Here is one possible solution. Sit down with him and explain that money discussions are causing discord in the family. As of today we will no longer have money discussions with you. This is for my (our) peace of mind. We need to remove stress and anxiety from our lives. Count on blowback. Explain that there is no negotiation on this subject then stick to it. Once he decides you mean it, peace will decend on your family. We tried it and it worked. The child finally grew up and depended on themself.

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