Be kind

Repost whatever they want on any thread without prior permission
Maw Don't understand what you're getting at!
You should compare notes with Kalu because I think you're singing from different song sheets
Slainte

In two minds about this. You can be kind, but still hold and express strong opinions, unless you want to be a colourless person, always agreeing with everything.
We are only human, and sometimes it does get heated, but insulting someone personally because of their views just damages your own cause IMO.

I disagree Hetty . until it happens to you, you can't imagine how horrible it can be,
Years ago, some people in our town, under the cloak of anonymity, began to slag off, on an online forum, a group of us who were trying to improve our town.
It was really upsetting because the comments became more and more vile and completely untrue. They even began to impersonate us when we didn't react. We asked a lawyer how best to stop them and were told to ignore it and eventually these nasty people would get bored with no reaction, and stop.
It took 6 months but they stopped. But for a long time after that, I couldn't laugh at satire when directed at another person. It taught me a lot about bullying.

I agree Grammaretto, you cannot imagine how awful it is, until it happens to you, especially when it's done in a sly and insidious way.

I agree Grammaretto that sort of thing is horrible and shouldn’t be tolerated, but I don’t think we see that level of bullying and intimidation on Gransnet.

Although one may not see evidence of bullying, it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen on GN.

PMs can be very supportive for some posters, but the other side of the coin is that they can be used to target someone, without other users being aware of it.
Also we can't possibly read every post, so how can we be aware of everything that is happening or being said on GN.

We do not, thank goodness janea, but I am saying is what can begin as amusing banter can easily become really hurtful.

But there is self regulation on GN so that people can ask for offensive posts to be removed.

I'm not saying it should be saccharine and syrupy sweet all the time but a little kindness and thoughtfulness goes far.

I have already left another site because of the nastiness. I hope to find a new home here with nice people. Okay, we can all have our opinions. Just don't try to push them down other people's throats in an unkind way.

Yes I have witnessed bullying of 3 GN members but I believe the only people who can complain to H Q are those involved directly with the bullying. So all I can do is support those being bullied by refuting nasty untruthful comments. Hope that makes sense.

The forum is for everyone, it's not about old posters or new posters.
If a new poster wants to post something let them do it they do not have to find their feet as said upthread by a poster who has been on Gransnet longer.

Jo61 Yes there are some quite aggressive posters on GN as there are on other sites. No doubt they will be aggressive in real life too. Don't worry too much. It is they who have the problem. To be constantly aggressive surely means you are not really happy?

Yes, new posters should go ahead and post. They may find, for instance, that yesterday everyone else had discussed their subject to death and someone is not shy about saying so. Just say "Oh, I wasn't here then, I missed it!" and don't assume that their answer is personally attacking you.

And after replying with a helpful answer to a post about (say) an 11 year-old grandson who insists on wearing a pink onesie to school, where the uniform is strictly black shoes and expensive grey trousers they may find (WILL find! in this case, it is a familiar theme) that the poster is a well-known prankster who starts several threads a year with (fake) school uniform problems, and that the other answers on that thread vary from a dismissive "Oh God not again!" to frivolous suggestions like apprenticing him to Danny LaRue.

They are not being cruel to an agonising granny - they have been round it before and they know not to "feed the beast". This is why people sometimes advise that new posters "settle in".

When you walk into a real-life room full of people (strangers to you) chatting, you DON'T know what has just been said before you enter, and you DON'T know the back stories of the comments they are making. Saying little and listening a lot for a day or two gives you a chance to catch up.

someone is not shy about saying so
Elegran Why would any one bother to say that without it being very obvious that it's directed to a newcomer?
There seems to be a fair bit of navel-gazing going on here; think I'll have to enroll in an on-line course in psycho-analysis to understand what's making some people tick!
Btw; you never answered my question about the stick!
OoRoo

Well it does seem as if the original OP has left the building. Was that the intention??

The right end of the stick, Rufus is the end that the poster thinks they have made clear is right. The wrong end is the one that readers grab hold of by mistake and think that they were meant to have - and then reply in anger about it. When we can't see or hear the non-verbal clues that would help to understand the spoken word, it is easy to make mistakes in interpreting a written post.

I usually attempt to write my posts accurately, so that what I mean and what people read are the same, but at times I am amazed at what someone can think I meant.

The right end of the stick, Rufus is the end that the poster thinks they have made clear is right
Elegran But what the poster thinks is right may not necessarily be right, so right and wrong can be irrelevant! \

So you can disagree and argue, politely. That doesn't make either of you into a monster. You are having a nice time splitting a few hairs and disagreeing with me here, Rufus, but I don't think you are a monster (and you don't think I am, do you?)

Having said that, it is possible that your grasp of any particular stick is less than perfect, and your memories of any conflicts are just as retentive as those whose memory you think is too sharp by half. Same with any poster who carries a grievance into other conversations. That last sentence, by the way, was NOT meant to apply personally to anyone at all!

I think some people like to be controversial for attention, posts then focus on that person instead of the original posters subject.

I have seen posts where people are almost proud they have been pulled up by the moderators or had a comment deleted, as with children it is best to ignore bad behavior .

That said, I believe that some people are a bit too sensitive to be on a forum where some will disagree with you.

But what the poster thinks is right may not necessarily be right, so right and wrong can be irrelevant!

Surely the grasping of the right or wrong end of the metaphorical stick is about correctly interpreting what the poster means & is intending to convey, not whether it is factually correct.
If you think someone has posted something factually incorrect and pointed that out, it doesn’t mean you have grasped the wrong end of the stick.
(Or that you are rude, spiteful, unkind, or any of the other epithets that are hurled at posters who dare to disagree with someone).

Grasping the wrong end of the stick is not understanding what the poster said Whether you understand it or not has no connection with whether it is right or wrong.

That said, I believe that some people are a bit too sensitive to be on a forum where some will disagree with you
Rosenoir There's a wise saying. "When everyone thinks alike, no-one thinks at all!" Think about it!
OoRoo

In a book I am currently reading, someone has just quoted Aristotle, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Corollary; It is the mark of an uneducated mind to be able to entertain a thought without understanding it!!
OoRoo

I don't think you are a monster (and you don't think I am, do you?)
Not yet.
I must say I'm worried about your logic lately! What thought process brought "monster" into our discussion?
"Bully" is the flavour of the month and I can handle that, but I think even 3rd parties who monitor everything I post would be hard pressed to find any evidence, either of me to you or vice-versa!
Coincidentally my background computer music ( for calming therapy ) is playing "That's Life" How apt!
OoRoo

I must say I'm worried about your logic lately! What thought process brought "monster" into our discussion?
Rufus2
I have always found Elegran’s posts articulate, well thought-out and logical.
Hard to get the “wrong end of the stick” when a poster takes care to express themselves as clearly and concisely.