Retiring judge warns women who get drunk

Women are not houses or cars, purses or shiny jewels, they are people. Rapists are not shadowy figures, they are men, men that we know. We have to change our culture, stop objectifying women so that they are looked at as things. Stop thinking that men have no control over their penis.

I fancy Benedict Cumberbatch, I mean I really fancy Benedict Cumberbatch. But if the lovely Mr Cumberbatch was passed out in front of me I would not initiate sex with him, my instinct would be to help, not hurt.

Men rape in large numbers and get away with it. If we are going to change that then we need to do something different, these comments are not something different and they may have stopped someone reporting a crime today.

Merlotgran How is saying "they deliberately put themselves at risk" not blaming them? I agree with LSP there does seem to be a casual acceptance of rapists, as if being raped was the same as say, being struck by lightening. Rape is carried out by a person. The judge could have added advice to men, to not get so drunk that they think it is o.k. to rape a woman. But she didn't, she just concentrated on woman's behaviour.

And may have made [many]others stop and think. Let's hope so.
Prevention is as important as cure.

stop objectifying women so that they are looked at as things
Do you think it is just men that do that?

To me, the point is this. I cannot do anything about rapists, nothing at all I dont think.
But I can do things about what some women and do.

Perhaps one point that is missing is that the vast majority of posters on here are women.

If we were a bunch of men posting, we could then speak to some potential rapists??

Has anyone on this forum ever spoken to a rapist?

Ilovecheese, I don't dance in the fast lane of a motorway. I just know it wouldn't be a good idea.

I have interviewed a number of sex offenders ankers, as I expect have some other posters.
It goes without saying that society needs to educate its young men and women about relationships, informed consent etc etc. I ve already set out my view that a Judge Kushner was not, imo, blaming the victim in her case.m she said that clearly, that the rapist had total responsibility,

I didnt really mean interview, though that does not invalidate your post.

I was more thinking along the lines of knowing them before they has raped, or knowing them afterwards.
Being able to influence and talk to them, in the same way or much the same way we can speak to women we know, if you see what I mean.

Unless interviewing means you can do that.

She could have done better.
she is a judge, has experience and is not daft so she probably knew exactly what she was saying - and said it to stimulate debate such as this one and to make people think about the issue.

sarahellenwhitney - re pregnancies after WW2.
There were also also hundreds of thousands of rapes of German women by the invading Russians at the end of WW2.
What is missing from this thread (and I'll probably be shouted down on this) is the biological difference between m & f when it comes to sexual arousal . IMO with most men the sex drive is close to the drive for dominance and aggression.Quickly aroused.
Most women have slow arousal .We have to make allowances and be prepared. We're not the same.
I'm not saying rape is ok btw, just that the complexities aren't understood.

Rapists have a choice unlike rivers to not inflict themselves on women who have had too much to drink.

you are assuming that rapists think in a way which you would expect decent, civilised people to think.

TriciaF yes, rape is used as a weapon of war too
Just think of those poor Yazidi women as another example.

LSP you seem to look at the problem from an extremist 'women's liberation viewpoint' as if most of the male population are potential violent rapists and I do not hold with that view.
Yes, it happens we know, but most men are not rapists or even potentially so.

Good point.

And partly why I queried it when LSP said that rapists are normal blokes.

This is a dangerous world we live in. We have to take precautions to keep ourselves safe, men and women alike.
If you were at the top of a stepladder and decided to take the risk of over-reaching yourself and toppled off, would you blame yourself for taking the risk, say "Oh silly me, I shouldn't have done that," or would you blame the stepladder?
We all need to be sensible and take responsibility for our own actions (which have consequences) - I believe it's called 'being grown-up'. Some of these blinkered youngsters make me despair and I'm sure I'm not alone.

We should all have a responsibility toward our own safety I agree, let's do away with the blame culture that is taking this country by storm! When I started work a road traffic accident (RTA) was just that, before I left it became a road traffic collision (RTC) because the word accident implied someone was at fault whilst the word collision did not - this is just an example of the utter nonsense spouted in the name of political correctness in my opinion. If you a so drunk you don't know which way is up then you have to accept you have voluntarily put yourself in a vulnerable position. In an ideal world there would be no man that saw this as a green light for sex(rape), but we do not live in an ideal world so best to protect yourself accordingly

Rapists have a choice unlike rivers to not inflict themselves on women who have had too much to drink.

That's just about the daftest, and most meaningless, analogy that I've ever seen. Comparing a rapist to river? Really.

Jalima, not at all. If you look at the men who are convicted of rape they are husbands, fathers, sons, they hold down normal jobs, that is what makes them so dangerous.

I am not saying that all men are rapists, I am saying that, under UK law, all rapists are men.

They did a survey in a us college about whether you would rape someone if you were guaranteed to get away with it, one third of young men said that they would.

Well, of course they are sons unless they arrived from outer space and yes, some will marry and many will be fathers.
Some will appear to be charming, suave individuals; they are not all roaming the streets looking for victims.
But women need to take sensible steps and that includes not getting so paralytically drunk that they are senseless in the street and any easy prey for those who may be doing just that.

LSP please give some thought to my previous posts. How much responsibilty would that young woman bear if that group of young men - they were all young though none of them under the age of consent- had been silly/drunk enough to take her up on her offer. If she was horrified in the morning and felt she had been raped. Was it totally their responsibilty to say no to sex when she was offering it?
On another tack, don't you think on social media that women actually objectify themselves?

Interesting article where rapists explain why they rape. It's quite graphic in places so please don't read if you will find it triggering.

triggering ?

I have dealt with graphic over the years but does the fact that I do not now think that most men are rapists make me Pollyanna?

There are 8 acknowledged sexualities now, rapist is one of them. On that basis, it is apparently established that those people cannot help themselves and are born that way, along with necrophilliacs and paedophiles and people who enjoy sex with animals.

This is what I have been instructed within the last few years at sex education training with a local authority, so catch on people, rapist is going to be regarded as a legitimate sexuality (along with the other vile things) and we need to be wise to it.

LSP. Why do you choose repeatedly not to answer the posts by Jayanna? You dont have to of course, but it is interesting that you dont.

What might it trigger?

There are 8 acknowledged sexualities now, rapist is one of them

Some people can do what they like, but it wont change what others really think.