Privileged Pain

Is there a financial threshold at which you're allowed to feel the grief? £50k pa? £100k pa? £250k pa?

“Focusing on memories” is cr*p when you lose a child or a partner - what a stupid comment.

Didnt sau that, said you can be at the memorial. You get to grieve. Not panic about the next bill or feeding your other children

Money may ease the superficial practicalities of life but in no way eases the grief.

It does the opposite. It allows you to feel it. It frees you up to love, grieve, feel.

There is such a thing as not being able to afford to grieve properly.

How cruel notanan . Nothing is stronger than the grief , it
is so overwhelming, nothing eases it,

I agree with all the comments made by Terribull. Totally crass thing to say and publish.

notanan do you have any experience at all of how a bereaved parent feels?

It was a totally ridiculous and sick thing to print. Pain and loss especially of a beloved child are not correlated with wealth in any way.

*How cruel notanan . Nothing is stronger than the grief , it
is so overwhelming, nothing eases it*

I didnt say its eased. I said some people cannot even afford to let the world stop and balls drop for for one they lost

When the world can't stop for the person thats lost because theyre already one step away from the streets with their other children.

notanan do you have any experience at all of how a bereaved parent feels?

Not myself but a close family friend lost a disabled child after years of being failed by the system. So I understand the hope invested in DC and the anger when it was missplaced.

I agree with notanan. It's not about rich or poor feeling more or less - it's about being able to adapt your house, hire a nanny/carers to be with your child so that you and/or your other children can do the sorts of things that other families do. It's about not being constantly worried about money because you or your partner can't work so that you/they can be with the disabled child. It's about being able to ensure that however limited the life of the disabled child, s/he is given the best chance to make the most of it.

The pain and loss of a bereaved parent is something only they can know, and isn't connected with money; but the life that the disabled child, the other children in the family, and the parents can live is absolutely connected.

David Cameron came under fire for being someone who should have known this, but chose to do nothing to mitigate the circumstances of other parents in his position. The OP asked for an explanation of 'privileged pain'. I would say that it is feeling the pain, but being privileged enough to make the best of things.

Well yes, I get that, totally. But it is a whole different issue, surely.

I'll ask again then - is there an income threshold which makes the pain privileged (and therefore open to criticism or sneering?)

And Gordon Brown Doodledog? Should he have been targeted similarly?

Privileged to make the best of things.

Wow.

And Gordon Brown Doodledog? Should he have been targeted similarly?

I wasn't making a political point at all, so didn't realise that all other politicians should also be considered; but yes, of course.

The point is that anyone with money is able to make the best of things in a way that those without can not. In most cases that makes little or no difference to other people; but if you are in a position to make laws to help others and choose not to, then I think that you are asking for criticism.

Doodledog make the best of things ? When your child dies there is no - best of everything.

Unbelievable that a child’s death can be used for political point scoring or claiming that money can ease the nightmare.

I believe the Guardian has now apolgised for this?

Doodledog make the best of things ? When your child dies there is no - best of everything.

No.

But there is knowing you gave them the best life they could have possibly lived.

And then there is knowing that they never got to reach the potential of the quality of life they could have had in their short time because you werent privilidged enough to give it to them.

And then knowing that DC, who you hoped would be an advocate. Let that happen.

It does the opposite. It allows you to feel it. It frees you up to love, grieve, feel

There is such a thing as not being able to afford to grieve properly
???????
I see you have not personally lost a child notanan

That figures. .

Another GN thread that I am leaving.............

Unbelievable that a child’s death can be used for political point scoring or claiming that money can ease the nightmare.

Nobody has said that. I was at pains to point out that it cannot:

The pain and loss of a bereaved parent is something only they can know, and isn't connected with money; but the life that the disabled child, the other children in the family, and the parents can live is absolutely connected.

I am appalled that anyone thinks that there was any merit in the Guardian story. How crass.

True Maw , I have never had money, live in council sheltered accommodation, couldn’t have a home with two bedrooms so my daughter could live with me even though I
was her carer.

When she died I did love, feel, grieve , without money.

How can anyone be judgemental of a grieving parent?

Notanan2,
You have expressed your opinion, using your computer , which you must have purchased & pay for its use on the Internet
If you view life in terms of have & have nots in the way that you have, then I suggest you sell your computer & donate the proceeds to a charity of your choice, we may then be able to admire & respect your opinion.

When my sister died, my parents were not rich but had no money worries, I can assure the doubters the death of a child, even an adult child is absolute. It undoubtedly shortened my mother's life.

What ever that particular government did to the NHS, education etc. David Cameron was always very vocal in his praise for the NHS and all they did to help his family.

I am now going to say something untterly outrageous. If you follow notaman's argument to its logical conclusion, that money makes the grief of the loss of a child easier to bear, could it not also be argued that because an impoverished family no longer has their poverty made worse by the expense of looking after a seriously disabled child, the inprovement in their material circumstances will make their grief less. !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me be clear I am absolutely not saying that is so, but it is the natural follow on for those who think money can temper grief. You cannot have it one way and not the other.