Malapropisms

One I remember from many years ago, was when my mother's friend called around and said, "Did you see the news, Jeremy Thorpe had a homocidal affair with Norman Scott.'.

A lady from our village when recounting the goings-on in the dormitory at the Naughty Boys' School where she worked, said ' ye ken, they was shoutin' 'n hollering aw the night long and then they trashed their dormobiles'

I remember the my parents laughing when my grandma announced that Steven Ward (Profumo Affair?) had had 'emulsions' in his prison cell...

And then the time when I was horrified that my grandma had sent me some French knickers (I was 12...)! My dad said I was very ungrateful - did I not know that these knickers were made by Kaiser Bondor? (Kayser Bondor). My mother fell about laughing, and totally understood why I thought French knickers were inappropriate for a 12-year-old. My dad was just so pleased that my grandma had sent me present that he thought was quite important!

Sometimes you can see the child's point. My daughter always called a boiled egg a 'bald' egg.I also have a friend who is 'wriggled' with arthritis.

An acquaintance of mine always has a 'slither' of lemon in her G&T...

My lovely 9 year old DGD said she felt all "commotional" after watching a sad DVD It's now a common word in our family for anyone getting a bit teary or upset!

When we have a patient who makes a miraculous recovery we refer to it as "having done a Lazarus" not my pal who calls in a Nazareth, she says volvo for vulva and once wrote that the blood pressure was "lay by" (labile).

The funniest of all was the much missed Les Dawson in the Cissie and Ada sketch.
She had just come out of hospital having had a "hysterical rectomy"

Just re-reading this thread and noticed that I commented on my nana, referring to my DH's "little peanut" . I hope you realised it was my baby DS's that I meant

Oh shame Jess my imagination was in overdrive

I have heard of mistakes in use of idioms resulting from people simply being unaware of the origin:
putting the cat before the horse
a bowl in a china shop
and recently, a Trojan horse was described as "a horse from Troy"

One foul swoop!

You should all of met my mother!
She could out malaprop Mrs Malaprop!

Oh yes - how many people say that! I sometimes imagine it could be a pigeon, in which case it could be "one fowl swoop"!!!

Pedants' alert jeni !!!

Jeni never struck me a the sort of girl that would say "should of" really. But maybe I got her wrong. Maybe she says "whatever" to the judges

Or even "wha'ever"?

Youm all wright our kids!
It's the black country coming out!

Yes with one judge who REALLY annoys me, I DO USE whatever!

Incidentally, some of the spelling I see!

I have trouble with my bowls.
In the incontince query!

Incontinence! Why did spell check not pick that up?

Over-reliance on spellcheck can be disastrous....

I think it's time for my bed
See tou all tomorrow on the royal barge?

I presume we ARE having a party on board?

[crecent moon]

Well, if it was me, at least I have an excuse, lol.