Next salesperson who asks me "how are you today" (as if they cared!) I am ready. I'm going to tell them,
"Thank you thank you for asking me that my dear because I had a lot of trouble with my IBS and the doctor gave me little blue tablets well they were no good at all I've been back three times, I dont think doctors know anything these days do they, not like in the old days, they really cared then and would pop and see you if they were passing, but not now, oh no, oh yes my friends on different tablets, white ones shes got, and they work alright; ooh, I do like your shoes my dear, but of course I couldn't wear them, not with my bunions, I've got to go to the hospital for an x ray, they're going to operate on my bunions, twice they've cancelled me, its disgraceful I blame that David Cameron he doesnt know what he's doing, oh well mustnt keep you my dear but very nice of you to chat to me like this I don't get much chance of an intelligent conversation i live on my own you see and I dont get out much, not with my bunions, well I cant walk very far you see and also this IBS is dreadful well my dear I'll have to go because it's playing me up now so can you tell me where the Ladies room is oh thank you, see you next time bye bye............