Estate Agents' Use of English

I found this list of estate agent speak: -
Scope for improvement - The place is falling apart
Well established area - Either: In the oldest, most run down, part of town, known in the trade as Shitsville or in a boring, featureless, two year old housing estate in which at least three houses have planted a couple of dying shrubs in their front gardens.
Greatly improved - A Do It Yourself nut has had free reign of the house and totally messed it up
Thriving part of town - The drunks from the pub next door use your front garden as a toilet on the way to the bus stop outside your door after buying chips from the chippie shop across the road.
Popular area - Half the houses in the street are for sale at any one time or are regulary visited by burglars.
An extra room downstairs which could be used as a guest bedroom or study - There is a small funny shaped area which is not big enough to be put to a meaningful use
With electrical sockets and telephone point -There is nothing the estate agent can think of to say about this room or he's obviously a trainee.
Extended by the present owner - There is a poorly built extension which probably does not have planning permission and almost certainly does not comply with building regulations.

Is you sure? what is wrong about your good grammar? I canna see a mistake.

Many years ago DH still working we decided on a nearby b&b that was on the market and which I would run.So had to sell our three bed, two bathroom , fully fitted kitchen, extended lounge, central heated, triple glazed with conservatory, double garage and second to none uninterrupted Atlantic sea views The agents comment was' it needs kerb appeal.'

Only a small comment from me but I want to cry whenever I read that old estate agent's phrase, "comprises of".

How about the out of focus photographs and typing in CAPITAL LETTERS as if we can't read unless it is in capitals! Quite common now, it seems.

There's An Estate Agent In My Area Who Writes Every Blurb Like This, With An Upper Case Letter At The Beginning Of Every Single Word...
I no longer read his adverts

In need of re-decorating - read: falling to bits.

small downstairs lavatory: read ye original Shanks toilet with high cistern, no hand basin. Facility installed in Victorian broom cupboard (reverse in if you need to sit)

large secluded garden - buy a goat to get rid of the weeds, overgrown bushes etc

Situated in quiet country road: no bus service, no room to turn a car except in your gateway and the snow-plough does not come down here in winter.

SuDoku unfortunately that is all I can read nowadays. I cannot read the tiny blurb usually written.

I think gramar, spelling and punctuation mistakes are excusable in general chat. We all make mistakes/typos etc and I wouldn't 'criticise someone for it. But when you are writing something to be on public display like a poster, concert programme, notice or estate agent details surely you should check and double check (with someone else who knows about these things if necessary) and get it right!

"deceptively large" might be meant to mean that it looks small but is actually large.

I suspect, however, that the estate agent couldn't thing what else to say about a house that was probably small, badly planned and impossible to improve.

Sarahellen - kerb appeal 'comprises' a few containers of bright flowers, doesn't it?

I think I live opposite a house mentioned previously. When a 'lively' family moved out Council workmen came to restore it to an acceptable standard. After some discussion they asked to look round the house next door as they could not work out the original layout. It seems that not just doors but sections of walls were missing.

In the '60s Roy Brooks advertisements in the Observer were worthy of Private Eye. I especially recall 'view of Blackheath from lavatory window'. Tell it like it is!

Close to all amenities - public toilets next door.

'Situated in a sort-after road just outside of the town centre.
The landscaped garden boasts many flower boarders and the on suite has a shower cubical.'

All regular finds during my nosing on Rightmove and Zoopla!

Fennel - 'deceptively large' has long confused me too!

mabon1 - These threads are for communication, not criticism. Never mind, back to school on Monday!

mabon1 - And remember that whatever our standard of education, WE CAN'T EDIT!

Apologies to all for shouting!

Had a good laugh! What would we do without a sense of humour?

When I checked the particulars my estate agents had given me, amongst other mistakes like not being able to spell 'separate', they described the local school as a junior school. When I pointed out it was a primary school, they didn't know the difference and said they had been using that term for years. I said surely it was important that prospective buyers knew there was an infants department there as my house was being advertised as a family home.

Also, while it is easy to press submit before proofreading accurately, those who think mabon1 is 'sad' for criticising poor grammar on this site should ask themselves why they are still making basic mistakes which should have been sorted out when they were in their reception class. That is what is truly sad, in my opinion. This is a discussion about estate agents' poor or incorrect use of English so it is no use criticising them with a poorly written comment!

One agent near us described a property as "sheik".

OldMeg
How is 'Absent's' a derogatory term?

quizqueen
You get nasty comments if you point out repeat spelling mistakes or poor grammar.

We used to peruse the estate agents' adverts just for laughs. One quote I enjoyed was
"View quickly to avoid disappointment".

One of the funniest I saw was 'lambs gambling in the fields'.

Visions of little lambs sitting round a roulette table!

'Free rein' chewbacca!!

I love the caravan sales adverts which boast that they are 'six birth.' They obviously come complete with their own maternity ward.
My favourite 'blooper' of all time was when I saw, on my husband's funeral order of service, that we were going to sing "Lord of all hopelessness." Luckily I had asked for a preview copy, and was able to have it corrected before they were printed.
In hindsight, though, I rather wish that I had left it as it was. It would have provided a lighter moment in the service, and possibly a heavenly giggle from the deceased!

Intrigued reading Old Meg and Grandma70s post about an 'honest' estate agent called Roy Brooks I looked him up and found an advert from him which made me smile. Hope this gives a link www.mortgagestrategy.co.uk/roy-brooks - if not and you want to see it put that in your search engine and have a read.