Is it me - cheater or cheat?

NannaFirework

I am 66 this year.
Lived with my DP for 13/14 years and was in a relationship with him, living separately, for approx 3 or 4 years prior to moving in with him.
Left for 12 weeks year before last, but after lengthy discussion and heartbreak returned ‘Home’ when he agreed to Divorce and become Engaged to Marry me.
Long storey short; since moving back in, although now Divorced, he will not discus Marriage.
One of his ‘children’ (40 this year) will not see me or let his children see me.
DP sees my ‘children’ and their families.
AINBU thinking he is never going to Marry me?

Personally, I don't think he will marry you. Why should he? He has all the perks of a wife without the binding ties of matrimony.
I don't see a problem of you asking him to marry you and if he refuses then asking him to write joint wills providing for each other and your respective children.

NannaFirework

I am 66 this year.
Lived with my DP for 13/14 years and was in a relationship with him, living separately, for approx 3 or 4 years prior to moving in with him.
Left for 12 weeks year before last, but after lengthy discussion and heartbreak returned ‘Home’ when he agreed to Divorce and become Engaged to Marry me.
Long storey short; since moving back in, although now Divorced, he will not discus Marriage.
One of his ‘children’ (40 this year) will not see me or let his children see me.
DP sees my ‘children’ and their families.
AINBU thinking he is never going to Marry me?

You don't appear to have a reply to your question, so here's mine ...

You've been with this man for years, some of that time he was married to someone else, so he was cheating on his wife with you. That probably has something to do with why his adult children don't want anything to do with you, you split their parents up. How confident are you that he won't cheat on you? Some say a leopard doesn't change its spots.

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to marry you? Why is marriage important to you? Marriage wasn't important to him. He broke his marriage vows with his wife, do you trust him to only have eyes for you?

I'm not about to give you relationship advice, just food for thought, you have to decide whether you want to be with a man who led a double life and left his wife and children to be with you, who now that you're living together, is reluctant to make you his wife. How does that make you feel? I hope that despite everything, you're actually happy together.

A Cheater is a large spotty wild animal that runs very fast through fields, surely?

Yes I think that’s true cheater is an Americanism that’s crept in.
A husband who cheats on his wife, in other words was cheating.

Polremy

Arsehole works too!

Or, 'cheating bastard'

I'm afraid that the word 'cheater' immediately makes me think of the big cat..

I don't think that we can do much to protect our language apart from use it how we consider to be correctly. It won't make much impression, though 🙁

Arsehole works too!

Yes. You are right!
Language is so important. Please can we protect it.

Nanny27

Cheater just sounds odd no matter what the OED says. In my book one who cheats is a cheat

Ditto. The only ‘cheater’ I’ve ever been aware of is a ‘windcheater ’, not that anybody ever calls them that nowadays.

I am 66 this year.
Lived with my DP for 13/14 years and was in a relationship with him, living separately, for approx 3 or 4 years prior to moving in with him.
Left for 12 weeks year before last, but after lengthy discussion and heartbreak returned ‘Home’ when he agreed to Divorce and become Engaged to Marry me.
Long storey short; since moving back in, although now Divorced, he will not discus Marriage.
One of his ‘children’ (40 this year) will not see me or let his children see me.
DP sees my ‘children’ and their families.
AINBU thinking he is never going to Marry me?

Isn't a cheater a wild cat who inhabits the African plains?
Cheetah!

Isn’t this about nominalization, turning a verb into a noun?

Verb to write. Noun writer.

Verb to read. Verb reader.

Verb to post. ^Noun poster.

Ergo - verb to cheat. Noun cheater.

Early references to cheat as a noun referred to the dishonest act not the person committing it especially in thieves’ cant. The cheat was the thing which was stolen.

Netherbyg84

Extra marital affairs used to be referred to as being "unfaithful".
Is this word now considered old fashioned? I wonder why.

👍👍👍
That term seems to have sunk without trace.
Sign of the times?

Love this.

I guess it depends on whether you believe in redemption. Someone who cheated at Monopoly as a child was a cheater. If s/he never did it again, are they a cheat?

If you have a sherry too much one Christmas does it make you a drunk, or did you just get drunk?

As @ Basgetti says. Or should I say ‘like what Basgetti says’?

Cheater just sounds odd no matter what the OED says. In my book one who cheats is a cheat

I think this is another Americanisation that has crept into our language. Someone who cheats in any sphere and to any degree is a cheat. A cheater is a misspelled big cat!!

I think this is another Americanisation that has crept into our language. Someone who cheats in any sphere and to any degree is a cheat. A cheater is a misspelled bag cat!!

MammaTJ

Either way, they're out the door!

Not always, because some cheats are good at lying even when found out

Either way, they're out the door!

Basgetti

Yes, cheat. Or Arsehole.

😂

Yes, cheat. Or Arsehole.

Extra marital affairs used to be referred to as being "unfaithful".
Is this word now considered old fashioned? I wonder why.

Both are correct.

However, OED defines cheat as someone who is a systematic or habitual cheater.

Cheater One who cheats or deals fraudulently; a deceiver; a swindler. (A systematic or habitual cheater is now called a cheat n.1)

If someone is having many affairs, they are a cheat. Just the one, a cheater.

I would think so too * Witzend*.