Scared at home at night when alone

Hello N, I'm wondering if there are break-ins around your area which have caused this fear to be in you or perhaps you are a natural worrier in other spheres too? I've lived alone for many years now (not too remote) and I never give it a second thought. Don't know why that is. Feel a little sad for your predicament though. 🌷.

Biglouis we have all the security you have and a dog and I don’t understand anyone who doesn’t. We live in a nice place but security is the priority and has been for years for many reasons.
OP sort out an alarm system if you haven’t already and get a dog even if it’s a little one. Put your mind at ease with a little night light you can’t go on with no sleep it’s unhealthy.

I used to hate being alone in the house when I was younger, but now I don't mind at all. I have a dog, but she would let anyone in the door in hope of a belly rub. I'm sorry your dog died, but when you are ready another one might be the answer.

you can’t go on with no sleep it’s unhealthy.
I'm pretty sure it's affected my health very badly from the years I lived alone.

We have security lights, and I lock all downstairs windows at night. I leave car keys and handbag beside front door. (We were advised not to but I'm with Susie on this).

I bought door wedges that set off an alarm if the door is opened and put them on doormats each night. Don't work on slippy floors. These really help me. If I am alone I put one at my bedroom door 😁.

Should have said they prevent the door being fully opened.

I completely understand, I haven’t ever lived alone, going from parents to flat shares, to husband and children. My husband doesn’t go away as much now, but I always hate it, I leave a landing light on, and am constantly up and down checking the house.
If I lived alone, I would either need a lot of security, or I would need to move.
It’s irrational, because my husband’s days of tackling burglars are probably over, if I hear a noise, it’s me who gets up checking everything, and even one little grandchild makes me feel happier
I think it’s just the fact of being alone. We used to live opposite a nursing home and it was always comforting to look out at night and see lights on, and know someone was up, but it’s just been sold for a chiropractors practice, I can’t imagine they will be there all night!
So sorry, no advice, but you’re definitely not alone with your worries.

I can get the creeps at night if DH is away which isn't that often now that we're older. When I'm home alone, I avoid taking a shower after dark because of the movie Psycho. We used to have a dog that was a great watch dog, but if he acted up when I was alone, that made me worry but I think it was always an animal. For a few years, we lived in an isolated rural setting where houses were far apart and that was spooky when I was alone. Now we are surrounded by neighbors and we had a woman try to pry open a window during the night but she didn't get in. My husband heard her and saw her leave. We learned that she went into the house behind us and stole wallets. She was caught coming out of another house.
We now have a burgler alarm and motion lights.

I ve lived and slept on my own for about 25 + years so I m the wrong person really to give advice but after (a good while back) I had a break in ( not when I was there)but I became jumpy at every sound so I started sleeping with lthe radio on softly and have done ever since and have never ever felt nervous about being in a big old house alone since

I don’t have any burglar alarms lights or anything other than door locks and don’t feel jumpy it’s something you totally get used to and most of my life either with husbands away or out and then on my own I ve lived alone or with children

It’s practice and because you’re rarely on your own you re not going to get it are you ?

I think the police will come and do a security check for you and advise on what you should have. I think that once you have everything in place it might hopefully be possible for you to let this anxiety go. Also the local fire service will come and do the same in relation to fire risk.

I have an alarm pendant - it was my OH's and when he died it seemed silly to send it back.

I don't think it's helpful to tell the OP stories of how others aren't scared at night. We are all different (thank goodness!) and what worries one person won't trouble another. Plus we all live in different houses and have different things to worry about.

I am fine if I can see (I hate the dark), but many people can't sleep if there are shadows in the room - neither of us is right or wrong. Being nervous about something that is unusual (for the OP) is perfectly normal, and a bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss.

I used to feel unnerved when DH was away with work. It was not so hard to get off to sleep but I would wake at the slightest noise so I took to sleeping in a room at the back of the house as it was quieter - then I didn’t disturb during the night.
Other ideas as others have suggested - a radio on quietly, reading until you drop off to sleep.
We have outside security lights and always close up the house locking doors etc. before going upstairs at night,

If that was aimed at me Doodle I was giving advice as to how I solved not to be frightened which I think could be useful

I find it helps to work out what exactly one is scared of.

If it is burglars, then a burglar alarm should help, as would having your phone near to hand during the night.

A smoke alarm eases worries about fire.

But neither of these do the slightest good if you keep hearing strange noises at night, or are afraid of ghosts.

Telling yourself that all houses creak at night, that the wind can sound like someone crying or moaning and that no-one has yet proved that ghosts exist migh help if you are scared of "things that go bump in the night".

You can train yourself not to be (so) scared, just as we can teach ourselves to be scared.

Many years ago, I lived in a block of flats with no central heating, but solid fuel stoves. This made it necessary to go down into a dark and poorly lit cellar daily from the end of September to the middle of May to fill coke buckets and bring kindling as well as the coke up from the cellar. A girl friend asked me, "Are you not scared down in the cellar?"

I said I couldn't afford to be. If I smelled mice or thought I heard a rat I took the cat down in the afternoons, when I had time to let her roam as long as she wanted. The mythical "nasty man" = rapist was more likely to be at the bus stop waiting when I came home in the evenings than in my cellar, which was locked until one or other of us actually went down there.

My friend was surprised and a little huffy at my reply, but to me it makes sense - there is no point in being afraid of anything that might never happen, or of something that will decidedly occur, like death.

All we can do is take reasonable precauations, so check that outer doors are locked before you go to bed, set a burglar alarm, leave a night-light on and have your phone within reach.

I understand your concerns OP and when my DP was either away or in hospital, I felt much the same.I didn’t think about break ins really, just it was unsettling being in the bedroom alone.I guess for those who live alone, they get used to it, I have a friend who’s a widow and she says she gets off to sleep easily and sleeps well all night, which is more than I do even when DP is there!
Once the doors are locked I left a lamp on in the bedroom and if cold took a microwaved lavender pack to snuggle in bed.
If not too tired I would read a chapter of a book which helped.

Thanks for all your wise responses. So kind, and really understanding. I think the main thing is that I’m not going to get used to being on my own because DH hardly ever goes away. However when he does I will learn to use the alarm. We have security cameras as well. The previous owner installed them.
My grandson is coming to stay next week when DH is away one night, for which I’m very grateful.
I’m actually having CBT at present, but it seems a bit pointless.
Thanks again all.

BlueBelle

If that was aimed at me Doodle I was giving advice as to how I solved not to be frightened which I think could be useful

No, it wasn't . I agree that you were giving advice from your own experience.

For those who are really worried when they go to bed how about a bolt inside the bedroom door.
My mother had this done when we were children and my father went away to sea.
We would move from our room into hers for the duration and then back again when he came home.

My DH put a small lock on our bedroom door so I lock myself in on the rare occasion he is away.

I also have some small lights that I have by the bed, so if I don’t want to be in the complete dark I have the light on. I have my mobile phone to hand and this all makes me feel pretty safe.

Merylstreep and NanKate well that’s funny I asked DH to put a lock on the Bedroom this morning! Thanks for your kindness everyone.

NanKate

My DH put a small lock on our bedroom door so I lock myself in on the rare occasion he is away.

I also have some small lights that I have by the bed, so if I don’t want to be in the complete dark I have the light on. I have my mobile phone to hand and this all makes me feel pretty safe.

I am not sure that a lock on the door is wise. If paramedics needed to get to you or the fire service then they would be hampered.

MerylStreep

For those who are really worried when they go to bed how about a bolt inside the bedroom door.
My mother had this done when we were children and my father went away to sea.
We would move from our room into hers for the duration and then back again when he came home.

I used to do this when my DD's were small, we called it camping nights one slept with me the other had a mattress. We locked the bedroom door and I left the landing light on. We had a long dark back garden so had a security light fitted.
I feel better since we moved and I can see the back wall,I also tell a very reliable friend when DH is not here and know he would come around.
Make sure you have a telephone in the bedroom if not a landline a fully charged mobile. If you still worry have a bolt fitted like MerylStreep suggests I still lock the door here and if possible let a friend who you know really well and can phone if you are in a panic. Always put the alarm on.
Lastly don't watch anything worrying on the T,V, before you go to bed and make sure you have a book you are enjoying.I often take a warm drink and biscuit with me which I would never think of if DH was here.

Yammy
The locked door is a good idea, I also have an escape route, I think I could easily climb out of the sash window onto a lower roof, where I would yell for help.
My children always slept with me when my husband was away, they thought it was a treat for them, but it was really for my benefit.

It will, of course depend where you live, but for most of us the probability of suffering a break in, while we are in the house is quite low, especially as nowadays most houses are double glazed and come with secure window locks and locks on exterior doors. Most burglars exploit weaknesses in security.

There is a item on the news today of a petty burglar going up to the front door on 15 houses, trying the door handle and when he finds it is locked, he just walks away.

crazyH. I think the idea of leaving your bag by the door is pointless, unless you also intend to leave the front
door unlocked at night - and as for leaving £300 in it. Most burglars are looking for money for drugs, and £25 will be more than suffcient, better still, lock the front door.

I think the idea of leaving your bag by the door is pointless, unless you also intend to leave the front door unlocked

I think it makes you feel better just in case someone gets in.

what if

Two words that can be seriously debilitating

Good doors and windows PIR lights and house position, these are what can ensure your safety at home. If you have that then there is no point in that psychological `what if` imagined fear.