Scared at home at night when alone

Married 50 years to a man who worked shifts so half my life at night spent alone. Now my husband gone into full time care with serious Alzheimer’s ….and I’m alone all time. Alone, NOT lonely ! At night I don’t worry …but like a previous poster….I listen to audible books on Echo Show or watch Netflix …any really odd or loud noises I get up …turn on lights ….pick up a cricket bat that I keep in bedroom and investigate!
Last year an 18 year old attempted to mug me in an alley near my home ….I punched him full in face …he ran off shouting “ you’re a mad woman” …..he isn’t wrong!

My idea may be a good one or make things worse.! On a good day when you feel fine, write down as many scenarious that you can think of, happening whilst you are alone in the house. Leave a good space between each one and then put into the space what you would do in that situation. So a simple example might be a tea towel caught fire in your kitchen. You might look about and think you could easily throw some water with a bowl from the sink. Or you may look round the kitchen and realize you dont have much ready to deal with fire and decide to buy a fire blanket or small extinguisher. So you are going round facing the various possibilities and seeing what solution might work for you. I realize this is only physical things but if you are able to go round the house and sorting anything out that worries you might remove some of the unnamed things that concern you. Then you might look at the more personal areas that may be hard to quantify but bother you. So you could perhaps arrange for a close friend to ring you at a specific time in the evening, or that you will ring her, so that you feel that there is someone who knows that you are ok , or their phone call may make you feel a bit more secure. Then I would also be hoarding a new book or magazine which I had been looking forward to reading so that when you go to bed you can get lost in that rather than listening out for unexpected sounds. Finally , I found after my husband died , I would have certain evenings when I felt like that. Sometimes it was enough to just read for a while but on occasions I could not settle and then just got up, dressing gown on and went round the house checking doors etc, and allowed myself to just accept that was what I needed to do and not beat myself up over it. I hope this is helpful but if you feel that going through possible ideas might make you feel worse then please ignore .

I am on my own since my husband died and I find it reassuring to keep a light on in the hall outside my bedroom and the bedroom door open a crack so I can see it. That and making sure and double sure all doors are locked and no windows left open, not so much of an issue in the middle of winter to be fair lol!

I have a ring door bell, also Blink (type of cctv) run off batteries, only one plug just to get in on your phone , have one on driveway, back garden & side of house ... videos if someone comes on them, also if an animal ... you can look at it live aswell ... so if you hear anything, just put it on, also could have motion lights, aswell ... if you wake up just put on & have a look round without getting out of bed ... could also have a timer on a table lamp that goes on & off , a few ideas ... sorry about loosing your dog , can understand how you feel, may not have been a guard dog, but felt safer with a dog

Also I have a dead lock on my kitchen ...

When my husband died thirty three years ago in France where we had been touring Europe by caravan for twelve years the bungalow was still tenanted so for two years I lived in the van in the New Forest. When the weekenders went home I was left alone. I really enjoyed it. At night foxes and badgers came right up to the van, an owl sat on the tree over the roof. There were no mobile phones then.
When the bungalow became vacant I returned and have lived alone ever since. I like being on my own. Now have a phone with me all the time even in bed but don’t worry.

I get nervous too when I am alone in the house at night. However, when I get into bed I look out at the night sky and the stars (if visible!) and try some deep, calming breathing. I was told as a child that the night sky is our blanket, and we can sleep safely under it; also my house is as secure as it can be, and I have young, good neighbours next door, so I try to remember these things. I do have a dog, but where security is concerned he is a wet flannel - he would probably be under the covers with me if anything happened. There are some excellent ideas on this post that I will try next time!

We’ve had a spate of car and house burglaries in m village and the next over the past few nights. I must admit to worrying about my car last night.

I feel the same,I had a bad experience when I was staying in a hotel when I was 20 so now wonder if that’s why I feel uneasy.
we do have an alarm system but it’s older so not on windows.

In my teens I house shared with 2 girls studying psychology.
They were of the opinion that the fear is seeing a stranger in your own home.

After my dh passed away I felt nervous at night. Installing careline in my home was my answer. I wear a pendant round my neck on a chain and if I press it it sets off an alarm which then someone answer through a box on the wall halway up the stairs. The alarm is very loud and I'm sure would frighten any burglar and the voice coming through would give them a fright I'm sure. It costs 20.00 a month and we'll worth it. If I fell or felt unwell they would summon help. I have a keysafe by my backdoor outside they have the code so entry possible by emergency services.

Handbag downstairs by the door with credit card in it (with mega-low credit limit), a few bank-notes, bit of jewellery (but not your car keys, unless you don't like your car and would prefer an insurance pay-out)
And a very large doggie with a scary bark, at the top of the stairs.
Definitely get pets, they're a great comfort.

We also have lights on timers in different parts of the house - really meant for when we are away so. I forget they are there we've had them for so long. Table lamps in the front room are timed to come on when it starts to get dark and they go off between 10-11 pm, which means we often don't light the main lights. A standard light in the dining room at the other side of the house comes on a couple of times just for an hour. Upstairs a bedroom back and front has a light that comes on a couple of times in the evening. They don't stay on for long, just enough to make it look as if someone is moving around the house.

Might I suggest netfixfan that you write a list of the things that you are scared of and then look at that list during the day either on your own or with a trusted friend/family member and then consider what practical things you will be able to do to counter those fears, and also consider how likely it is that those fears will be realised? (I sometimes think we become fearful of what might happen, when in actual fact it’s 99.9% unlikely to).
However, for example, if you are scared that someone might break in and steal something/ assault you, then having an alarm installed and set on a night time setting, plus good security lighting at all entry points might reassure you?

Do you fear being alone? Perhaps getting another dog might offer comfort, company and protection?

You say your DH is away only rarely. Is this for one night or longer? Could you either arrange that someone stays with you overnight if it’s just one night, or maybe go and stay with someone if it’s only for a few days?

If you feel that this fear you have is becoming overwhelming, and dominating your life, then is there someone you could talk to about it or seek some counselling to get to the bottom of your fear?

The likelihood of someone breaking in to your home and harming you or taking your possessions is extremely rare, but I realise this is not reassuring to you, so please seek help from either family, your DH or a specialist.

I’m not speaking as someone who has never been alone in the week - my DH frequently worked away from home during the week, but my neighbours knew I was by myself, had my phone No and I had theirs, so were there if needed, and family weren’t too far away, either, (you might not have that situation, I don’t know, but if your family are near, and you have good neighbours, it’s reassuring).

I do hope that you can get some perspective on your fear and move forward. 💐

Why on earth would anyone leave their handbag by the door with money, credit card, keys etc in it? That’s just being silly.

On the other hand, maybe leaving an old handbag with an old purse in it filled with some paper that might look like notes at quick glance, and buttons that might pass for coins and some old, useless keys that no longer fit anything in it might not be a bad idea? 😂😂

I take precautions so I feel safe as I live alone. Burglar alarm, light left on in the front room, dog to alert me rather than attack an intruder. He’s a Golden Retriever so I can’t count on him for protection! 😂 I always lock my bedroom door at night and keep my phone charging next to me.

I should add that it didn’t help me to “confront my fears”. I have always been one to worry at night. By taking the precautions I do, I sleep soundly.

crazyH Don't think leaving your bag with cash near the door is all that a good idea. Burglar finding that may think it worthwhile doing a bigger search or if taking just the initial cash may encourage a further visit at a later date. Use your burglar alarm, maybe even keep a light on in a spare room when you go to bed. Check with police how many breakins have occurred in your area, in say, the past year. Hopefully you will be assured you are worrying needlessly.

I lived alone in a detached bungalow for many years. The best security device I installed was a Chubb lock on all doors. At night I could lock all the doors from the hall so if anyone broke into the house they couldn’t get out of the room they were in. The bedroom was the only one I didn’t lock at night but could lock when leaving the house. I also had motion detectors on the main entry doors, and security lights all round. Although I still felt nervous at times theses measures gave me confidence.

You're very lucky it's only occasionally. I've had to get used to it since my divorce 26 years ago, although I have had two relationships of 5 and 6 years, but they didn't live with me. I've had insomnia since the divorce and often only get about 4 hours sleep and never ever sleep through the night, waking regularly about 3 or 4 and at various times through the night. Had never slept in the house alone before my divorce as was living with mum and then married, etc.
Have also had ghostly experiences (long story) in this house and ended up sleeping on sofa for 6 months until I could take it no longer as back was hurting. I hardly slept through this time and had to work. I have always had to have a light on when sleeping in the house alone and had to have landing light on when a child.
Play some bedtime music on YouTube. There are many relaxing ones which last up to 8-10 hours. I have a long list in my "library" on there. Sounds of rain with subliminal messaging and other nice ones. I don't like to sleep without it as I often have ringing in my ears. Hope you find something that will help. Take care.

leave the lights on outside your bedroom, or sleep in the lounge with the tv on, that way you can just fall asleep and not stress.

OH went to visit his sisters a few weeks ago. Normally I go with him but it’s a very long journey to the centre of Turkey, so I had knee trouble and decided the plane and long coach journey was too much on this occasion. So I was home alone in an area targeted by burglaries. Our front door is steel, full of drafts but pretty solid. I never answer the front door unless notification of a parcel delivery. I slept like a log. I have been attacked in the street more than once so feel safer at home.

I lock up very thoroughly every night , yesterday discovered the French doors in the dining room were unlocked, goodness knows for how long, because we only really use that door in the summer.
I assume one of the grandchildren let the cat in or out, but it certainly gave me the creeps thinking anyone could have walked in at any time.

I always left the lights on downstairs when I’d gone to bed.,not in the Summer though. My daughter has moved back home and her little dog so I feel more comfortable now.