When one of you not interested in sex

Shiny seems to have lost his gloss.

elegran.

Started off quite dim, I imagine.

Light on but no one at home I guess in Shiny's house

My DH still wants to make love, every day if it was up to him. I sadly have no interest despite the fact that he is 12yrs older than me!

My problem is partly down to meds which completely kill the libido, and partly because I feel fat and ugly, even with the lights off.

I stopped smoking this year, and between that, my meds, and a change in lifestyle, I have piled on nearly 4 stone. I am uncomfortable naked and my body Isn't mine.

When we have made love, I have felt nothing (for the first time in our 20yrs together, I have faked an orgasm to please him)!

I don't know what to do, no good talking about it, if I try, he tries to be reassuring but just ends up making me feel worse (it's not your fault you are so fat and if you do some more exercise you might lose some.........it's normal your body hangs a bit, you have had several children.....)! He's always been good at coming out with the wrong thing!

Not very reassuring then Sallybee. Poor you. I hate my body too and am 4 stone heavier than when we married. Have you tried reading erotica, that may help your libido. Could you write about how you feel and what you need.

I did read 50 shades trilogy and it was titillating but not enough to do more than a stir lol!

I wish I could even 'go through the motions' for my OHs sake. As I have said: tried every lotion, potion. Nothing works.

Did anyone read the article in The Mail about the Testosterone gel that you rub in. It is highly recommended. They say it works after about 2 weeks.
Available on the NHS

Petra - my gp prescribed the gel in pessary form. It helped the dryness, but caused a mini bleed, so I had to come off it.

Oh Lordy,Iam64. You cant bloody win, can you.
I can't have the mini bleeds again. Got that sorted some years ago.

The female reproductive system truly is a design fault! - nowt but trouble!!

yep mishap - it's one of the things that made me consider god was male .....

After 5 years on my own it's the hugs and cuddles which I miss so much. Sex was never exactly thrilling ,but that lack of human touch is hard ,especially at times when life seems difficult, for whatever reason.

Hugs and cuddles are just as important as full-on sex - you are quite right trendygran. Sorry you miss this. Sending a virtual hug!

Those of you with vaginal dryness - have you tried Vagifem?
This was a problem for me, and without it I got cystitis after sex.
Now I'm using it and things are ok, but like many of you I'm losing interest . I'm older than my husband, but he's losing it too.
We still have cuddles etc though, so it must be difficult for you trendygran.

I know this thread is dormant ( like something else on this thread lol )
But did any of you read the article in the DM from the woman who was telling the world about her problem.
Anyway: from this article I was lead to a page telling us about the wonders of, Organic Cocconut Oil. I think I might give it a go. If it doesn't work OH can always cook with it. Lol.

this is a very common problem for all older women [and a lot of men too!]Usually it's a bit of a taboo subject, but it does need airing. In other words this problem is NORMAL. So, all it needs is for each couple to find what works for them, vagifem, viagra etc or just to stick to hugs and cuddles, but couples do need to talk to one another to find out [not always easy.]If you have a loving relationship, you owe it to each other to find the right solution.

I am in my early 60's and as I have read most of the woman have gone off sex for some time mine has been of it for at least 30 years. I have remaind faithfull she has never given a reason.

I'm sorry Derek that must be difficult. But this thread is for people "where one of you is not interested ...etc". From previosu discussions on other threads there are many, many female members of Gransnetters who have a healthy interest in, and are involved in regular active sex, later in life.

As rosesarered says, couples in a loving relationship owe it to each other to find the right solution for them.

I was just going to say the same thing Grannyknot - not everybody on GN is off sex!

That isn't much fun for you Derek. Have you asked your wife why she is 'off sex' or are you not keen on opening a potential can of worms and happy to maintain the status quo? Do you still have physical contact at all, eg cuddles?

My wife says she has no interest in sex abymore. we have a great relationship but since I was ill with a mini stroke I anm not able to sleep without disturming her as I am home all the time and now sleep seperstley. Although she works in the day and I dought if she cold put up with me 24/7 yet.

You sound like a nice man, Derek. Lots of men would have found 'love' elsewhere. Mine did. But we got back on course.

Welcome to the forum Derek sorry to hear that you have had a stroke, a good friend of mine has too, so I know how you must be feeling.Hopefully you will regain your strength before too long, it takes a while.There are lots of subjects on the forum that you can take part in, if you are feeling bored during the day.

Beware ladies, my now DH was in a relationship where his wife told him she was 'done with all that' - he was 57 at the time, I was also in a marriage where my husband thought that once every couple of months was sufficient - he made this decision when he was 45! Suffice to say we are now married to each other and enjoy a fully intimate relationship (my DH is now 73) - people often vote with their feet when they are denied something that makes them happy or they are given it grudgingly, surely it is worth a little faked enthusiasm once in a while (I guess we are not talking about a nightly activity) to keep the other half of your relationship happy.