When one of you not interested in sex

marionk, I wonder what prompted you to re-open a dormant thread in such a finger pointing, smug manner

marionk are you new to Gransnet? If so, hello!

I think it's a very difficult thing when one person in a relationship goes off sex (or doesn't fancy the other person any more) and I don't know what the answer to the problem is.

I wouldn't want to go back to the days when women 'pretended' in order to stop their partners going off with someone else (although I suspect this does still go on).

kathythree how can you say he is being selfish when you say yourself, that he can not make love due to his stroke?

I would not say having an affair is a good idea, you have chosen to spend some of your life with this man for a reason, try and remember what those reasons were

This is such a sensitive subject and most people have various issues.

I think communication is everything. talking it out and not bottling it up.

I remember once someone said to me, changing partners for the sake of it, is silly, all you do is swap one lots of bad habits for another as no one person is perfect

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TAB12, I was going to say the same about kathythree's comment. If a partner is debilitated by an illness, and cannot be sexually active anymore, can they really be called selfish? I suppose for many men, nor being able to 'perform' would make them feel quite bad and unable to communicate well about this- and unable to take part in other kind of sexual activity to replace full sex.

Marionk. Some information for you. Not all women go off sex because they ' just can't be bothered'
For some women, myself included, sex is very painful and they would love to
' go through the motions'

marionk - faked enthusiasm"! - what price honesty in a relationship?

If the incompatibility is such that the two cannot get along together, then parting may not be such a bad thing - both might then have the opportunity to find more sexually compatible partners.

Personally I think that honesty is central to a relationship.

Also, some people are Grey-A. It's not a problem. Search google.

Mishap I appreciate what you are saying--However do you think that a couple should split because they do not have the same wants to make love.

I personally think, and it is my own personal opinion...that making love should not be the be all and end all of a relationship..what if you were basing your relationship on love making then one of you had an accident or became ill or got too old!! for it..then what...is the relationship over.

I do think it is an important part of a relationship but I do not hold mega importance on it.

To me what is much more important is trust and the ability to see your partner as a best friend.Everything else is a bonus

Tab12, well said.

If I had to be dead honest with husband about my enthusiasm for every golf club dinner dance he so looks forward to, I wouldn't have a marriage! .

Or should I say, lack of enthusiasm...!

I think that honesty is part of trust, which as you say is what really matters in a relationship.

I d not pretend about anything with my OH - to be honest, he knows me so well that it would be pointless!

Grannyknot, do you not think your DH really knows and loves you for it. As Mishap said, mine would know me well enough to realise that I was doing something I didn't want to do and appreciate that I was doing it for him.

It works both ways though and he does things for me that he would rather not do - he comes to see my mother for a start

I have mentioned before that I have a problem but DH and I cope with love and laughter!

I agree kitty ... he does know. And I do sometimes say "Do I have to do the golf club wife thing?" but not every time. This year he is captain of his golf club (he is a good golfer) so I even have to do the meet and greet at the dance - it's my duty which I willingly perform - how about that?

Love and laughter - those are 2 things that definitely go together like a horse and carriage.

My wife developed dementia about 6 years ago as I am disabled myself I am unable to help her. Enough that she wanted to leave and go in a care home which she went in August. For the first 4 month it was a change. The marriage was good in the 44yrd but sex stopped after 38 yrs.I have been lonley since she went but I have looked on the dating sites but all the women are very reluctant to meet up but they will message. As I am now 72yrs I am a little out of practice.What is the best way of getting back into a relationship. Does anyone have any ideas?

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