Social skills

Best ignore it this time but next month a subtle hint such as 'I hope you're not going to join us this month because you were a pain in the proverbial last time' should suffice.

Just say you are going for a "girlie gossip" (finger down throat icon) and that should make him run a mile!

That might be more diplomatic!

When I first met my friend (many years ago) she thought DH was rude as he preferred to find something to occupy himself rather than sit with us and chat when she visited. Fortunately she now knows this is how DH is. As you say he doesn't do small talk.
I wouldn't have been happy if he'd behaved as your DH did. If she is a good friend she won't think badly of you due to his behavior and will have the manners not to voice what she thinks of your DH

That made me chuckle, aka! It is probably what I would say to DH and he would look surprised, thinking he had been entertaining and gentlemanly.

I had the same problem with my husband tagging along when going for coffee or lunch with female friends and it always put a dampener on things as he never joined in conversation but just sat there and drank his coffee or ate his lunch. No amount of hinting put him off and eventually, friends stopped inviting me. In the end, I told him that it was just female friends and as he wasn't female, it wasn't appropriate as we sometimes talk about things that would not be appropriate in front of men. It seemed to do the trick even though he was somewhat miffed - too bad; I didn't tag along on his nights out with his friends!

Just be straight with him and tell him you need time alone with your friends.

If ever I told my DH a friend of mine was coming to visit for the evening he would rapidly make plans to go out! He said that if he did stay home he wouldn't be able to get a word in edgeways anyway (true!) and he would never never want to join us if we were meeting up for coffee somewhere.

Looking at this from the other side, if I arranged to meet a friend for lunch or coffee and a good old gossip, I would be horrified if she turned up with her OH. Is it just me?

When I went shopping yesterday I had the comment of 'I'll come with you' to which I replied 'no you won't'. Today when I tootled off to the bookies he kept quiet. I sometimes say I'm going to walk the dog and I get the 'I'll come with you' and I have to point out that I like dog walking on my own. I've noticed over the years that he never says 'can I come with you', the comment always being 'I'll come with you'. Is it a 'man thing' I wonder?

Thankfully my DH would be horrified at the prospect of joining me and a friend for lunch or anything else. His usual comment when I say I am going to meet the girls is 'It's a long time since any of you lot were girls'. Cheeky b****r

I'm so glad to hear these stories! Thought I was the only one who thought that going shopping/to the market was one of the few times I managed to do my own thing.
When you're retired and together 24/7 you need a break.
Actually Eddie is quite good company when he does tag along with me and my friend. But what irritates me is his shopping habits. He likes to buy in bulk and is an impulse buyer, lots of sweet stuff too. Trays of plants to put in, which of course is left to me to do. I tend to watch the pennies (centimes.)
I think it's a man thing, and they're so pleased if you say ooh yes do come!

I think DH quiet relishes the time alone when I'm having a 'ladies that lunch' day. Especially as it involves a 30min drive each way in my case. So to make it worth while a spot of shopping is necessary

I suppose one could always just go... and leave a note perhaps: "I'm out with So-and-So. See you later."

Soutra

Good idea bags if it's feasible.

DH always says 'You look lovely, have a nice time!!' as he opens his tin of corned beef!

When he goes out, to the football, or whatever, I always say 'Enjoy' as I have my lamb chop and new potatoes.

Bit Jack Sprattish!!

It's nice when it's that easy-going, isn't it, kitty?

A lot of men seem to be the same, they want to be out and about with you, but don't 'do' small talk.My DH has never offered to come if I go out to meet a friend [I would be taken aback if he did.] If a man isn't going to join in the conversation, then there really isn't any point in him being there.
If my DH offered to come on a walk with me [which he often does] then that's different, and I prefer him to come.If he offered to go clothes shopping with me [or food shopping, or let's face it, any shopping] then I would say a very firm 'non'.Soutra do you think that your DH is trying to 'make an effort' to do things with you, and doesn't really get that us women like to natter together?

Soutra you need to have it out with him. I know there are times when you would like him to come out with you but you have the right - and the need - to have some time recharging batteries time with female friends. Timing is all.

I think you have got it rosesetc without actually knowing him! He can't really get out on his own and while I would say it doesn't bother him the way it would have me screaming(!) nevertheless it is good for him to make the effort ( and he certainly had to walk plenty!) I know he likes looking around farmers' markets as he is a bit of a "foodie" and it usually involves me in buying healthy and expensive stuff we don't actually need! Ah well it got him out in the sun and fresh air and is just one more to chalk up to experience.

Apologies Soutra if my post was rather insensitive. I realise your DH can't get out on his own so it must be difficult for you to say 'no you can't come' if he wants to go with you. Not an easy one!

No apology needed nightowl I have calmed down by now although I was cross at the time!

I leave DH behind when I meet friends because if he tags along I can't get a word in edgeways.

Soutra I know exctly what you mean.
My OH has no real idea of conversation skills but instead of not talking, would probabably talk everyone to death, going on at impossible length and many tangents about something intensely boring.

It's a nightmare wherever we go and it is isolating for me as well.
I am still trying to work out how to get a break in the summer as hopefully he has said he is going off to a music making course. I get so stressed when out with him and I feel much more confident on my own on the group holidays I have done.

It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one whose with a non conversationalist.
DH is very affectionate and thoughtful but ........