Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 4

I agree with you Celebgran we need people on our side and helping. With my situation, I think if our whole family had all stuck together, we may have stopped nasty, instead those that seemed to help him or turned a cold shoulder and refused to help are all cut out too now!
I watched three programmes last night on Really channel 17, all recorded, one càlled 'Love you to death' about so many wives killed by there abusive husband, one called ' meet the pysco' my S.i.L one called 'I survived Evil' same theme, about women staying with the most abusive husbands, all cut off from their family and friends and another I watched on 'Brainwashing' I watched these programmes to try to get an understanding on my daughters situation, all these women stayed with their abusive husbands for years and years! One grandmother spotted her EstD in a supermarket, went up and hugged her and her granddaughters, the little girls asked their mum " who is that lady?" the grandmother telling the story said her heart broke :'( :'(
smileless read wife for husband in your case

Bon Voyage smileless have a !lovely Xmas in Oz
We had a great Yogi Xmas 'do'last night at the Maharaja restaurant in South Benfleet. Good food, wine and dancing
Have another Xmas 'do' Monday, with my dancing girl friends So Xmas is really here now

Go girl you are a party animal ygagirl! Well done.

We had good night too but felt bit tense yesterday, took Rosie vets for normal check went well. Had hair done, Gra bought me suprise pretty rose covered in gold sparkles bless him.

He gone work today knees aching from dancing, but did enjoy when we left dance could barely stagger to car! Only had 3 martinis was creaking joints! Was soo hot too one miserable old dear turned a fan off as she was sitting all night

Hope flight is good smilless and have great time like me it will life your spirits seeing your ns.

TRY shake off bit sadness today, got keep busy going do some baking mince pies been requested!

An old friend who don't see now has sent me lovley reply asked about her knee ops very positive.

Your roses look lovely Celebgran
All the pictures posted of our 'Yogi Do' last night I look unhappy! Yet we had a really great night I think the sadness, especially at this time of year, shows through, well it seems to with me, even when we are having a good time and think we have forgotten the sad alienation for the occasion. I remember a picture from my ND 30th birthday dinner, it unfortunately was the same day as the court case, where I was unsuccessful in getting an visitation order to see my precious GC. The horrendous unpleasantness in the court car park afterwards, my once beloved baby daughter wooping & cheering with my granddaughters stepfamily, having successfully cut me out of all their lives forever :'( In the picture at my ND's 'Do' I had the same dead look in my eyes that my mum had just before she died!

So strange how the court case date fell on my ND's birthday, they all said I'd planned it that way, but of course I had no say in the dates, my ND's celebrations where in the evening & she was at work during the day, so I didn't see the point in cancelling it. But if there is a God, then I think he made it fall on that day as Im pretty sure if I hadn't have had to find the strength to go home and wrap up all my ND's presents and get myself ready to celebrate her day, I'm pretty sure I would have killed myself, I felt so tortured! It was agony going out, but it was my ND's birthday, so I couldn't spoil it for her and had to try to put on a brave face, but the picture told the truth of how terrible I felt!

Afternoon ladies from Terminal 3 at Heathrow. We had a lovely evening with our friends in Coventry last night. A 2.5 hour drive to their's yesterday and then a 2 hour drive today to the airport. Mr. S. is brill, I'd be a nervous wreck driving in all that traffic and not knowing the exact route.

All thoughts are now on DS and lovely d.i.l. in Oz. Can't wait to see them and get a cuddle from our lovely boy.

Yogagirl

Oooh Celeb no wonder your poor knees are so painful. You do well to keep up with the acquasise and dancing. It's much better to keep going if you can.

It feels really strange, sitting in departures surrounded by Christmas decs. It's very, very busy but I suppose that's only to be expected on the last Saturday before Christmas.

I'll be in touch when we've arrived in Oz and I'm ready to take a break from cuddling DS.

for you all.

Bon voyage and enjoy those cuddles

Yes danced like hell last night, but been struggling today

Feel bit low today think shock over knees and saw beautiful babe at shops with mum and Gran

Never mind made my mince pies, sausage rolls and quiche frozen some for my dear son.

Have wonderful time smileless

Morning ladies, although it's 4.00 in the afternoon here. I'm sending you all some Ozy; it's very hot 33and clear blue skies.

Best moment of the entire holiday when we arrived and DS was waiting for us; oh that first hugnothing quite like it. Long 2 days getting here. Journey was OK but very tiresome but we managed to get some sleep off and on.

Poor Mr. S. woke at 3.00 this morning with swollen lips, right cheek and right eye. We think he was bitten when we changed at Hong Kong, bless him. In 37 years I've never known him have an allergy to anything. He got some eye drops and strong allergy tablets from a pharmacist and the swelling's really improved already.

Been to the beach with their dogs today, feeling tired from all the travelling so off for a snooze. Catch up with you all later, take care.

Great hear from you smileless so pleased that you arrived safe.

about dear husband allergy! Glad tablets have helped.

I went for swim today, as acquacise off till 4th jan

I too can't wait for hug even if got drive 200 miles for it at least not long flight ! Felt down so but knee diagnosis so got try keep positive and swimming.

My bedridden client this afternoon then folk dance party tonight.

Thanks for [sun] it is ok here but got very cold and wet yesterday after taking flowers to parents Grave, missed the carols last night as we could t face turning out
enjoy smilless ! Xx

My ND & friends get me through this sad situation, but this being the fourth Xmas the subject has become 'old'. I'm meeting up with my previous in-laws for an Xmas lunch today. We stayed friendly for 30+yrs after I divorced from their Son/brother. But the thing is, when I was first 'cut out' for no reason, by my beloved GD stepdad, I asked my f.i.L for help, he said he would but after talking with my nasty s.i.L he didn't speak to me again for a whole year & actually helped him, until he was 'cut out' too. So he, helped nasty to alienate me from my D&GC, I therefore want to ask him today "WHY!" but it will spoil the Xmas lunch (?!) and I do want us to be united again.

Hello smileless glad you arrived safely in Oz and got a big hug from your NS. Sorry Mr.S has been bitten, you need to get him to a doctor for that! Thanks for the we need it here in cold rainy ole` blighty Sounds fabulous, walking on the beach with the dogs, hope you get some much needed sleep xx

Celebgran hope knees are fee!interested better

Blooming predict a txt! Feeling better....

Yoga, I certainly didn't mean to upset you! I totally understand why you're cutting ED out of your will, I was just speculating as to how that might feel after a reconciliation. I can see now that my comments were insensitive and I'm sorry about that.

Celeb. I'm so sorry to hear about the lack of support from the godparents/your long time friends. Do you think it could have been because they were trying to maintain a relationship with D, themselves? NOT excusing them, just wondering if that might explain their failing to be supportive of you and DH.

That wouldn't explain their being "smug" though, those first few years. How cruel - and foolish!

Smiliess, I hope you and DH enjoy your visit with your DS and family! Another Bon Voyage!

Gabrielle, it sounds as if you'll be alone on Christmas. If so, I don't blame you for not doing decorations though I agree that they might actually cheer you up. Please, at least, have a good movie to watch and maybe a good book to read, so that you can enjoy the day to some degree. But perhaps these words are futile... (((Hugs!)))

And hugs to all of you who are suffering emotionally and/or physically, due to estrangement. I hope you have a great Christmas, anyway, and if that's not possible, then, at least, a peaceful one.

Smileless I'm so happy for you that you are in a happy place now. I got to thinking about your plight and wondered if your ES was jealous of the other son. Sometimes they take their jealousy out on the parents.
Hope Mr. S is feeling better from the bite. It's so annoying to get one. Just enjoy your time in the sun and with the family.

I've been reading some of the parent boards to see if I could get some more insights into what could possess them to cut out GPs this way! I find it very hard to understand.

But I saw that some of them say that it's not necessarily a permanent thing, that sometimes they are just taking a break from the (troubled) relationship. I even saw that some "breaks" went on for one or two years before they were ready to reach out again. So I think it could be that some of the estrangements here could be temporary (I don't mean the ones that have gone on for several years, of course, though anything is possible). Do any of you think that could be your situation? Did anybody's DS or DD say, "I'm just taking a break?"

About the gift thing - I saw that some of them said that if they ask their parents or PILs not to make any contact during the break, that means no cards, letters or gifts, either, even to the kids. Of course, some GPs send them, anyway, which I think is very understandable. However, I saw where a few of the younger parents said that if that happens, they keep lengthening the break. So maybe if the estrangement is just temporary and if they've requested no contact or reacted badly to gifts and such, it's better to stop sending cards and gifts for the time being? I'm not sure I could do it though. Like some of you here, I would be afraid my GC would think I didn't care anymore.

If you're permanently cut off, then I suppose it's different. I mean, even if they've said no contact, I don't see how things can get any worse if you send stuff, anyway. I doubt anything is being given to the GC though so I'm glad to hear that some of you keep copies of the cards in case your GC seek(s) you out later one. Maybe putting gifts of money in a fund to give them later would be a better idea, however, than gifts that don't get used? I don't know, it's just a thought...

But I'm not sure if people always know if it's permanent or temporary.... Again, I just wish everybody peace for the holiday and coming year...

YogagirlI wonder what happened that the in laws were cut out too. Maybe you can laughingly find out about their being cut out first and another time about you later down the road. You are much nicer than I would be having had them help to get you cut out.
I wish you a nice lunch with them and a happy holiday.
DH and I have been on each other's nerves lately. We did not put up the new tree or any decorations this year. I see that ESS bought himself a new guitar as was posted on FB . Even though I am blocked from him my DD told me. He could probably afford it now that he doesn't need to send us a gift.
We are just sitting here waiting for time to pass so we can leave for our trip.
We are so lonely this Xmas eve that we asked friends to go to dinner. We will give gifts to my DD children on Xmas day even though no formal lunch or dinner is planned.
I'm having a hard time with all this card sending and no acknowledgement. We are not sending gifts but out in our cards once again that we would like to take you for a gift. Even though they can't read we hope the mean and disgusting parents read it to them.
Have a wonderful celebration all in the way that suits you best. We all deserve some happiness from somewhere.

Hi yogagirl so hope you. EnJoy lunch bad idea to ask why I reckon , but I would be baffled if was me he obviously wants to make amends.
just had bp monitor off lovely nurse from old practice!
Had lot stress this week long story anyway bp average was 157/91 bi high so had. Make dr appt for after Xmas.

Expect will up my dosage of beta blocker. Shame I had monitor after v stressful day,

Sun shining meant be cleaning husband doing car.

Bet not as [sun] as oz! Have great time all if don't get time post again,

Looking forward to seeing our son tomorow.

Yogagirl I do understand I think after 7 years people get tired of our sadness I know I do

Forgot to say knees not great and rang as instructed but told they won't look at my referral until after xmas or very unlikely. This was 10 20 and had finished for today having referred 77 people oh dear the. Nhs can't cope with us let alone thousands of immigrants.
sorry not meant be political.
Still they have activated my referral

Apology accepted Wendysue no doubt I and others in this situation are very sensitive, especially this time of year, a time of year that should be full of happiness, instead the grieving is intensified with all the happy images of grandmothers with their grandchildren :'(
I met up with my prev. In-laws yesterday and my f.i.L greeted me with such a warm hug and kiss and paid for the meal for us all, so I didn't mention what was on my mind. I never brought up the subject, but near the end of our Xmas lunch my sister in law suddenly gave me a big hug and words of comfort, so it was briefly mention and it was said that being young, in their 20s, they don't fully realise what they are doing and there is nothing to be done but wait and hope! :'( :'(

No Wendysue when I was cut out, without me doing or saying one adverse word or deed, my son.in.law definately didn't say "we are just taking a break" he said, throwing his artm/fist at me, he said "And you can F* OFF" I will definitely not see my D&GC whilst nasty son-in-law is in the picture.

I have no address to send gifts and cards to Wendysue so i put their cards in their gifts sacks (gifts from first Xmas & birthdays) and money in the accounts I opened for them.
I'll be pleased to open my new laptop that's sitting under my tree from Father Xmas, as this Hundle is on go slow again, that's why I'm reading a few posts, replying, making a coffee, back to posts, putting some washing in, back to posts

Rhinestone all we heard was that my f.I.L was verbally attacked by nasty, saying the most awful things, my f.I.L is a very kind and gentle person and was obviously feed lies and propaganda by nasty s.i.L, he should have known better, knowing me for close on 40yrs and nasty for just 2.5yrs. It could have been about money, my f.I.L is apt to loaning large somes of money! and of course my EstD is his granddaughter and I am just his ex D.i.l

Rhinestone I think it's a really brilliant idea, to say you want to take your GS out to get his Xmas gift, i hope your wish comes true
Celebgran your bp is very high, mines 120/70
Have a lovely Xmas eve everyone,I've still a few bits to get, including the Christmas pudding
well it is Xmas eve! I'm meeting up with some friends for a drink in the pub later

Oh gosh yogagirl and I am n medication too! Was stressful week.

Difficult drive to sons he wen got fish chips for us.

Merry Xmas all x