Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 4

HELLO

You both made me laugh Celebgran & Smileless
Hope your feeling better now Celebgran, but not so better that your eating all your chocolate eggs that Smileless & I were going to eat for you and yes you got a 6 out of 7 for your bunny ears I didn't get my GC an Easter card this year, as no address to post to! I did get their Birthday cards though, any other grandma would have had a big grin on their face whilst choosing, but instead I had a big lump in my throat, ended up buying two for each of them even though I now can't post one. I'd already chosen and then spotted great big giant cards, so bought those as well , I think I'm going to have a hard job writing in them this year, knowing they will only be going as far as my spare room where their gift sacks are kept

Your water features sound lovely Smileless I would love one in my garden but I'm not clever enough to put one in, so have to be content to look out of my bedroom window at my neighbours . Shame you had to cancel your BBQ, it is rather cold out there.
I was thinking about going onto the seafront after my shopping today, but whilst dropping off my purchases, some parcels arrived for my ND, silk bouquets for her wedding, I managed to have a little peep in the box and they look really beautiful . Then the rocking Moses basket I ordered for my new granddaughter, arrived, I just couldn't leave it in the box, so I opened it It's lovely, the rocking stand needs to be assembled so I've left that in the box. So that cheered me up, it's starting to feel real, getting a new grandbaby
I really do hope your NS's will be blessing you both Celebran & Smileless with a new grandbaby soon, you never know what tomorrow will bring
Enjoy what's left of Easter for all.
God Bless XXX

If only yogagirl we can but hope.

I so feel for you not having an address
I am so sorry I guess that passed me by that they had moved somewhere you don't know. . When is her birthday?

Now then girls an egg each!

One then for me and husand when we totally better

What good girl I been finished unpacking all fiddly bits took ages, put loads clean clothes away, changed bed, dusted bedroom and cooked lovely turkey roast, was breast from morrisions and was yummy. bought last xmas hope we not ill again, getting paranoid.

Husband worked so socks off, he is doing today extra, was at least just10'to 4.

Rosie has been v naughty barkingm jumping up at me went off like a maniac when I left her outside shop [
Still gave her turkey dinner.

Yes smileless far too cold today for BBQ shame you shouldn't have had yesterday!
How long now til Florida ? Make. E jealous now my hol over,

Looking forward to getting garden round.

Very tired now No ironing done but achieved a lot!X

It's OK ladies, we had our BBQ after all. Thecame out just after I'd finished posting, it must have been the thought of getting my hands on one of your Easter eggs Celebgran, making me feel allinside and it chased the clouds away. You and Yogagirl always manage to chase my clouds away.

OK, it was a bit on the cool side but hey we're British and it was a bank holiday weekend so we went for it, well DH did bless him.

Sounds like little Rosie is getting back at you for leaving her when you went on Holiday Celebgran, our little dogs are lovely, just like children but with the benefit of unconditional love and no abandoning tendencies. My cats are the same. When they come home D sulks; he wont look at me for at least an hour just to let me know he's not impressed.

The Moses basket sounds lovely Yogagirl, you must be getting so excited. Just remember when you're giving her a hug, to give her an extra one for the grandchildren you're not allowed to see, and for mine and Celebgran's too.

Looks like you two had the last use of the bunny faces, oh well I'll just have to wait until next year.

I'm rising my head above the parapet after a break of around a year.

My story is that my three adult daughters had broken contact with me, taking with them my two grandchildren, one whom I'd never met. It's been very hard to live with, as I am on my own and have no supportive shoulder to cry on.

For a while there was a reconciliation, made edgy by the fact that my eldest daughter didn't in any way acknowledge me over Christmas or Mother's Day, hurting me terribly. I've been in such turmoil, beating myself up, going over and over 'why?'.

Through all the pain and fog I heard the voice of a friend reasoning that just because my daughter's and I are closely related, doesn't mean we necessarily have to be best friends. My daughter's are very different to me (especially my eldest, who dislikes me most) and quite honestly, in a different situation I wouldn't choose any of them as a close friend. Saying that, I love them all deeply and I know they love me - but liking each other is a different kettle of fish.

I am finding this 'revelation' very comforting, and has helped me to put the situation into perspective. The fact I can carry on my own life the way I choose (which is a different way to the one they'd be happier with) and not feel a need to conform to their desire, and they in turn pootle along, doing their own thing, knowing we all love each other, but don't always like each other. For the moment all is sweetness and light - but 'watch this space'!

Hello boheminan how lovely to hear from you again and to learn that things have settled down with your daughters and that together you have found a way to accommodate one another and also enjoy your own lives.

I agree about loving but necessarily liking family members, I guess that's where the saying 'you can choose your friends but not your family' comes from.

I hope that 'the sweetness and light' phase continues for you all and that you can continue to enjoy being a family againfor you and your girls.

Now watch out everyone this technophobe's DH has come home today with a new laptop for me, a super slim model (the laptop, not me) so I'm sure I'll be having fun and games for some time to come. Wish me luck ladies, I have a feeling I'm going to need it.

Morning girls
Thanks for chocolate egg Celebgran I think Rosie is suffering from separation anxiety! Yes EstD moved out of living with nasty s.I.L's parents, into their own place, at least that's what she told my ND when they had that one off meeting, but we can never be sure if it's the truth or not! There was a programme on5 last night (I was at work, ND told me) all about family feuds & one story was about a mum & D not speaking for 3yrs, but are now reunited and happy! So need to watch on catch-up and record series. The M&D live nearby and my ND was expecting EstD to suddenly pop into the background lol

Yes smileless all the bunny ears are gone till next year, I wonder what we will all be doing then, if our situations would have change at all, where's my crystal ball Nice to hear you had your BBQ in the end, they are always more fun than eating inside. As for hugs for the new baby, yes I'll give her a special hug for all our lost GC. When it's happened to you once, it changes you, before you just accepted you were nannie and would always be in their lives, but now, no matter how much my ND assures me she would never ever do to me what her sister has done, you just can't shake the knowledge that it's possible

Oh Boheminan welcome back, it does make you feel better to pour out your heart on here, so don't stay away. I am on my own too, and that does make it extra hard, I do envy S&C with their lovely husbands by their side. You will always love your D's no matter what, it seems that with all the terrible treatment meted out to us by our EstC, we still continue to love & miss them with all of our hearts, wouldn't it be easier if we didn't.
I'm reading a book at the moment called 'Stolen child' by Laura Elliot, it's gripping, about a mother who's baby was stolen in the maternity unit just after birth. It gives the parallel stories of the two mothers, the one that stole the child and the one that lost. I've just got to near the end of the book where the birth mother see's her child for the first time since her baby was stolen 16yrs before! (Unbeknown to child). But the emotions of the mother that had her child stolen are the same as ours!

Good luck with your new 'slim line' laptop smileless, let's hope it doesn't start calling you smokeless as has happened a few times on here
for all xx

Good morning everyone . As an addendum to my last post, I should say that my new found self protection philosophy is not a two-way thing - the DD's still treat me as the family whipping post - I can do nothing right, BUT stepping back from their lashings out, and seeing them as people I don't like (at that moment) and turning my back on them, feels a powerful weapon, one I've not used before because I've always rolled over and let them 'kick me' - again, and again. That's now stopped, freeing me to carry on in my own sweet way.

Good morning ladies hope you are all well!
I just felt the need to post today as unfortunately I'm feeling very low at the moment I just can't seem to get off this roller coaster of emotions. Some good days but mostly bad... It's the Easter holidays and I should be savouring the lovely break in the weather and the time off, but I just can't seem to motivate myself! All I can think about is what my ES and beautiful granddaughter are doing, I seem to dream about them every night... It's been almost 2yrs since this terrible situation began. I have loving friends, my husband and our youngest son who are here for me, but although they can offer a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear, they really can't start to imagine how I'm feeling. When will this end
Sorry to bring a black cloud over this thread but I just needed to offload somewhere I know people really understand what I'm going through!!!
Smileless I will pm you later xxxx

All clouds are welcome here*Mums70*, large, small, black, grey and little white fluffy ones when one of us is lucky enough to have one of those in our lives. You are always welcome here, every one is.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling low, holidays make it harder don't they. The one person in your life who can understand is your husband. He's a father whose lost his son so I hope that you're able to talk about this with him. I know how complicated your situation is, especially for your DH and I wonder if you perhaps don't want to add to his pain by discussing your own. Some times I don't really want to talk about it but DH does and some times it's the other way around.

You know Mums70 2 years really isn't that long, not really. Perhaps sometimes we're all too hard on ourselves, expecting to find one day that we've 'gotten over it' when in reality I don't think we ever will,
not really. Just remember that all roller coasters have ups and downs, some times the downs seem to go on for ever, much longer than the ups, but the ups always come in the end.

You've done so well boheniman to find a way of coping. I think the way you step back when necessary and being aware of your own self worth are very powerful weapons. How sad it isthat parents some times have to dig deep in to their emotional armoury to find any weapons at all, just so they can cope with their own children's treatment of them.

I think I'd feel the same Yogagirl, trying to bite back my fear of losing my new grand child when all I want to do is enjoy the wonderful and exciting prospect of her arrival.

Well so far so good on the new laptop. If I have any problems I'll come on here and ask one of you computer wizards for help.

Cricky! Just watched that programme on 5*, just to qualify, I live about a 20/25min drive away from Southen-on-sea, the next town. It was a very rough looking area, I wouldn't want you to think I live in a place like that, I can guess the area although I've never been there, when I go I always go to Thorpe Bay which is lovely.
Mums70 You are feeling the same as me, I'm back to work, which is the best thing to take your mind off the sad situation. I only had the Friday & Monday off, but it does heighten the sadness of losing your off-spring and GC on these special holiday times. I know the fathers are going through the sadness as well, but I think it hits the mother the hardest. I think of my EstD & GC every single day, I never stop, I wish I could, but I think I never will have a day without thinking of them and feeling sad. I really don't know how my EstD can be happy. I & my ND have said not one adverse word to her. We were both there for her when she was a lone mother, living with me, we were both at the birth of her first child, & I also with her second, supportive, loving and caring, how can she forget all that (?)

You beat me by 4seconds Smileless

Ooooh maybe this laptop is going to be more fun than I realised Yogagirl

grannyactivist You are an amazing person, If I had taken your attitude when my daughter recently hurt me so with her words, I may not be so un happy now.

If you could bottle what you have, your kindness, your gentle way, I would buy some, because right now I feel so confused and off the rails as a Mother.

I felt terribly hurt by my daughters actions and words and went into fight mode, when I should have sat back and not reacted to any of it.

I now have to face the consequences, which are estranged feelings and hurt feelings when she comes to my house and we do not speak. I have recently attempted to lift that silence, to no avail

sorry posted this on the wrong thread

grannyactivist You are an amazing person, If I had taken your attitude when my daughter recently hurt me so with her words, I may not be so un happy now.

If you could bottle what you have, your kindness, your gentle way, I would buy some, because right now I feel so confused and off the rails as a Mother.

I felt terribly hurt by my daughters actions and words and went into fight mode, when I should have sat back and not reacted to any of it.

I now have to face the consequences, which are estranged feelings and hurt feelings when she comes to my house and we do not speak. I have recently attempted to lift that silence, to no avail

Hi all and yogagirl please never ever worry this is going happen again I am the same with my son me does try hard to reassure me he will. NEver do what his sister has.

Got share about my little Rosie her eye problem.not good we have take her to see specialist on Friday eye watering £188 but she worth it of course and do hoe they can help her. Vet kept looking and put those dyE drops in but he still not sure what wrong so heyho off Newmarket Friday he was very helpful Indeed as they said no appt before Monday and he insisted On Friday different specialist place oh bless her!

Yes welcome to all new posters on here, iPad does t let scroll back so sorry can't remember who?!

I feel for you yogagirl I really do you are so brave on your own Gra and I have clashed a lot of our pain. But we seem closer since our lovley holiday

We set our new magnolia tree this morning. Got 4 new fruit bushes to put I. Too cheapie from Aldi but look good. Getting collection. Our raspberries were not good last year but seem come through after winter, and gooseberry and blueberry look ok bought 2 blackcurrant and raspberry to top up existing ones.

Enjoyed fish chip lunch and was half dreading it, after tum trouble, also enjoyed seeing different ladies then Gra picked me up for vets mmmm

Sorry forgot is mums70 and so feel for your pain we all help each other here and will always be a kind ear to listen. Has been 6 years for me and some times I just can't bear the pain and I think like yogagirl I will always think of myndaughter and mollie every day expect I always will.

The reason a friend told me it is so hard to fathom is because none of us could have done it to our parents it is beyond our imagination to be so cruel.

Oh dear Celebgran I hope little Rosie will be OK. One of my cats had an eye problem a couple of years ago. There'd been some kind of trauma, probably when playing with his brother, and it ulcerated. In the end we had to take him to see a specialist who suggested 3 different surgical procedures ranging from 800 pounds to over a 1000 (why don't I have a pound sign on this key board, it's so annoying[angy]). He said there was an outside chance that the ulcer would detach it self and come away on it's own and suggested we take a couple of weeks to see if it would, and it did.

You'll have to keep us updated on her progress. Pleased that you tum troubles appear to be over with

Well I'm using 'old faithful' at the moment because I can't get my lovely new, flashy, slimline laptop to pick up the internet. I mean what's a technophobe supposed to do when DH is at work? Why don't they give instruction manuals with these things? Mind you, if they did would I be able to make sense of one anyway?.

I'll have to see if I can find that program Yogagirl, sounds interesting. Do you know that article to were involved with is going to press? I hope it wont be while we're away.

Enjoy the rest of the day ladies.

Smileless just got back Rosie was good girl bless. Fantastic place quite positive it is t glaucoma but her tears are producing right ingredient so her eyes getting damaged scarring , no care but treatable got drops and ointment got go back in 4 weeks. Very nice eye specialist and well looked after but oops £383.

Still she is well worth it, then ointment is over £60 tube if it works she will give us script to get it cheaper.

Thank god that's over off have shower now then g and tonic !

That is good news Celebgran you must be relieved. How are you finding putting in the eye drops? DH had to apply them to D and after a couple to days he got wise too it so would close his eye. Can't say I blame him, I can never keep my eyes open to apply drops. Don't know how people manage to use contact lenses.

Went for a massage at my gym this morning and was a bit peeved as I'd been told there were no morning classes during the Easter hols only to discover that there was a boot camp but no one had 'phoned to let me know, so I missed out.

Think this laptop will have to go back. I trained as a touch typist, and unless I give them some wellie, half the time when I strike a key, nothing happens.

Just getting used to it too.

Have a good weekend everyone.to get us all off to a good start

Drops easy compared to ointment which is eye wateringly expensive over £60 tube and hard to put only hard cm in?!

Think that will be Graham's job!

He work today and I must get ironing. Started pile is massive none done since before holiday.

So relieved about Rosie feeling. Kinda stressed still from yesterday !?
Slept quite well though.

Rang my twin and he hustled me off phone was busy at work at 4 55 on Friday mmmmm.

Smileless how awful you missed boot camp ha ha. We shared a flame Easter egg last night. Tum still not great stress of yesterday not helped.
Would that nhs was as good as private care for doggies.

Have good weekend all and lots
I was tad upset did Tor godmother treatments Thursday and asked if she thought Tor would see us if she came with me on mollie 7th birthday.
Oh no not being horrid she said (not much) but Tor doesn't like you doe s she you are one she blames.

Gosh that upset me.
Friends who needs them.

Meant flake hate iPad prediction.