Biting the tongue again!

I feel that discussing it with her sisters would be disloyal, so I do not do that. I am not sure what they think, as they too would not wish to be disloyal, but it may be that they do say something to her about it and I am simply not aware of that.

Agree with you there Mishap, about not discussing it with your other DDs I mean.
It sounds as though you are doing all you possibly can - it's so difficult though when we're not geographically close, isn't it?

She doesnt listen to good advice.
There is no way past that one unless praying is involved.

I don't think it would hurt to just say, casually and lightly, to one of your other daughters, "I thought 'A' and 'B' were a little bit naughty at lunch the other day", just to see what response was. I suppose they might have a different opinion to yours, or they might thoroughly agree. You would be getting a peer view.

If mishap felt the need to say anything, I think it might be better for her to phrase it 'I noticed Tommy wouldn't eat his dinner and DD got a bit upset' rather than telling one DD she thought another one's child was naughty!
Ok to stick to facts, but not to pass judgement!

It would just be a normal little family conversation.

Does everyone on Gransnet get so hung up about every little exchange they have with their kids? I find it odd.

This is not just a little exchange - this is ongoing and a family who is unhappy, and are saying so. I am well able to let the day-to-day ups and downs of family life wash by me - this is in a different league. There is a lot at stake here and getting it right is very important.

[sigh] Making the casual comment I suggested would be no more than "a little exchange". It wouldn't have to develop into anything more. I thought I explained that in my post.

I will get off your thread and let you stew in your own flippin' juice.

No good trying to help some people.

Things have changed so much since we brought our children up, I don't seem to know anything according to my dil so I keep my mouth shut many a time.
But just occasionally when I have heard too much I do say something.
It's a balancing act.

I've just seen this thread, Mishap, and your family's problem is so much like I had with our oldest son and his family.
The main thing was their eldest son, who provoked at mealtimes by eating slowly or not at all - fireworks!
This was about 5 years ago, and the lad is still an awkward so&so, but does eat his meals, slowly and very choosy about diet.
At the time I almost kept my mouth shut, but couldn't avoid pleas to ignore the behaviour and get on with their own meal.
So the moral is - it all changes in time.

My daughter actually asked for my opinion on the way she was coping with toddler DS and about relationship with her DH. DH had made rather a cruel comment to DD in front of me and I mentioned it to her later. I did mention there was a reason because DH is stressed at work so the stress manifests itself in being undiplomatic & uncaring.

I did say that it helps if parents are united in how they handle their children, because the children play one parent off against the other. I don't think this is a generational thing, but just good sense imo.

Of course, if both parents are happy with the way they are handling their children there's not much you can do.