My grandma is very poorly

Many of you will already know how close I am to my dear grandma. Sadly she was admitted to hospital just over 2 weeks ago with a viral infection that we felt sure she would overcome quickly and get back home within a few days. But she has deteriated very quickly and is now (in the words of the doctor yesterday) just waiting to "go" (die). It breaks my heart how only two weeks ago we chatted and laughed, we had tea together in her favourite (traditional) way with cups and saucers sandwiches and cream cakes. Now she is NBM as she has lost the ability to swallow.

I feel like my life is "on hold". I am at the hospital twice a day every day and last night I'm not sure she even knew who I was. The doctors say this period could last days or weeks. Her body is just worn out and closing down bit by bit which is very distressing and heartbreaking to watch.

I know at 99 she has had a good, long life but why does it have to be like this?

The doctors have said we could take her home (which was her desire) and they would put some extra care in place, but I'm honestly not sure how we would cope. We are such a small family and my mum (her next of kin) is a very poorly dialysis patient and wheelchair dependant herself.

I'm sorry for this miserable post, I have always had to be the strong one in the family, the one who "sees to everything" but at the minute I just feel so helpless.

Thank you for listening. x