Alone for Christmas

Grannyactivist that is lovely of you.

Bohemian I thought of a singles party on another thread somewhere.

I am not technically a single but usually feel like it.

My proper Christmas will probably be a couple of days after christmas.

Nelliemoser, any chance you can escape and join Galen?

Nelliemoser ditto I feel more like a carer and less like a wife with every passing week, but in my case H can't help it which slightly mitigates it.

I hope my comment to Nellie hasn't struck a sad cord with those of you who are becoming carers.

I too brought up 3 sons as a single mother from a very young age (2, 4 and 7). I have had one Christmas alone which was awful especially as my birthday is Christmas day too! I saw absolutely nobody and got the obligatory phone calls from my sons. Difficult to put a brave face on it I admit.

Two of my sons are now married so I completely understand that their wives wish to spend Christmas with their own mums and dads. One of my daughter in laws insists on a rota of every 4 years as she says that she does not see why her parents (still married) should suffer because my ex husband and I are divorced. Must say I found it hard to swallow but love my son and don't want to antagonise my daughter in law.

My youngest son due to marry next year has fortunately asked me to spend Christmas Day and part of Boxing Day with him and his fiance and her mother. The only downside is that it involves flying to Ireland for just 2 nights.

I think the advice that has been given i.e. about discussing this with your son after Christmas, when emotions and expectations are not running so high, is very sound.

Love this...well done you and have a great Christmas.

Add me to this growing list.

Hubby and me will be on our own again. I have a son, a daughter, four grandchildren and four great grandchildren. My son and daughter chose not to speak to us about five years ago (all over money and their greed of it). Because they don't speak to us, they don't allow their children to contact us either.

Hurt doesn't even cover it ! I've cried buckets over those five years.

I'm SO blessed that I have a good husband....but I still feel hurt at not seeing my kids and family....especially at Christmas.

But hey ho, I'm sure there are many in worse situations than me and I realise that I'm very fortunate in so many ways (like having a good and kind husband).

Sola it's difficult to judge when we don't know the individuals involved. I would show your son this thread and let him give you his thoughts. It could be he is obliged to go stay with his wife's family for her sake and the children's and he could be not really looking forward to staying with them. He might also be envious of you having the time to yourself.

I really sympathise. My son and I were very close before he married. I'm widowed and my daughters died 19 years ago so there were only he two of us left. My son and his wife alternate at Christmas, so two years ago I was on my own. I had invitations from friends but didn't want to be the odd one oot at somebody else's family do. I felt particularly hurt as I would never have left anyone on their own at Christmas. They added insult to injury by going on holiday with her parents after I had suggested that we all go together. I'm not a grumpy old woman and do have a good circle of friends, however, it still hurts. The child makes up for everything and this year I have been included in the inlaws Christmas so wait and see what happens next year and enjoy Christmas in whatever way you want is year

Grannyactivist - what a lovely lady!!!

I to am on my own not just at Christmas,, I have no family, not in good health, se no one, for days on end the aloneness eats at you, i would give anything for family and friends, some people don't know how lucky they are.

Grannyactivist - I can only echo other GN-ers: what a star! Your invite is such a lovely gesture and I hope you both have a really lovely time. I shall be thinking of you on Christmas Day!

Londoner - I was so sad to read your story. Despite what has happened in the past, is it worth you swallowing your pride and trying to make contact once again with your son and daughter? Although you can never undo what has been said, this hurt may be mitigated by possible contact with your family. Worth a try?

Galen - did you know that Celebrity (our favourite line) have dispensed with formal nights? I now have a rack of gowns which, unless I am invited to some very glamorous weddings are redundant. Or change lines, I suppose.

Our DD2 is going to her in-laws this Christmas Day, which is absolutely fine. We will be at DD1 with her family, so not on our tod. We are having the whole family here on the 27th for another 'Christmas Dau' but as I think everyone will be suffering from a surfeit of turkey, I have a completely different menu planned.

What I really don't understand is that some DC will be visiting their in-laws but in many circumstances, the invitation - particularly if no long-distance travel is required - is not extended to both sets of parents. We have been invited once to DD2's in-law (only Mother is alive) but perhaps it is just too much to have our other DD and her family there too.

I am more than happy to have our DD2's Mother-in-law here on Christmas Day but she does not like leaving her house, so won't come. I could even have DD2's sister-in-law and her family and mother-in-law, too. A squeeze but do-able as that would take us up to fifteen for lunch.

As it stands, our poor DD2 has a choice which is alternating Christmas Day - which she does - or having two turkey meals on one Christmas Day. A feat she tried one year and said never again!

Boatman So sorry to read your post. Having poor health and being on one's own must be very very difficult.

Did you see Bohemian's post? Some GN-ers are coming together on Christmas Day for an on-line natter and virtual Christmas. Why don't you consider joining them?

Many organisations do understand that not everyone has family or family members nearby and offer a Christmas lunch with some good company (local churches?). You have your computer, so why not search for what is available near you? It could be the boost you need.

Please don't be on your own, be brave, make contact with others (it is difficult to take the first step, I know) and consider speaking to your GP as you do sound a bit low.

Do return to Gransnet and tell us if you have been able to locate any orgies, oops, festive lunches. You will have to make the first move 'though...........

Otherwise, may I wish you Season's Greetings!

grannyactivist I just read your post out to my DD and she choked up - as I did when I first read it. What wonderful people you and your OH are. I feel very humbled.

Oo-er I'm feeling a bit embarrassed now.

grannyactivist you should not feel embarrassed, that is a lovely gesture.

I will be on my own but it does not bother me particularly. I fancy something very different for Christmas lunch- it will be seafood platter and I will thoroughly enjoy it while watching a programme that I have previously recorded. Not to everybody's taste food wise but no hassle here with cooking.

I don't worry about Christmas Day at all - if my kids are with their other 'in-laws' when it's their turn, then I just have a day of blissful relaxation with plenty of nice food and some old films on TV. I might even take a gentle stroll if the weather is good.
Come Boxing Day, and probably New Year, the hordes descend, and I won't get a sit down for a week, so I enjoy the peace and quiet while I can!
I'm lucky that I always get to see my family at some time over the festive season, and that's all that matters.

We would love to invite someone who is on their own this Christmas for lunch or something, but unfortunately due to my disability don't get out much ourselves and so don't know anyone like this. Does anyone know if there is some way that we could offer our friendship/company?

I agree with Candelle, the past is the past but there is sometimes an opportunity to swallow one's pride and make amends. For 20 years my MiL preferred to spend Christmas with her DD, sending our family just a card and small gift. Same for birthdays etc. Fair enough, it was her choice. Now she is elderly, lonely and her DD no longer bothers. My husband says if only once she would apologise for neglecting our family, and acknowledge that her DD wasn't all perfect, then he would be inviting her to spend Christmas and other family occasions with us in a flash. As it stands we can't bear her telling us how wonderful her DD is all the time, it puts a rift between brother and sister.

grannyactivist. You're lovely. God ,that was a tear jerker !

Lillie two wrongs don't make a right. You should swallow your hurt and invite her.

Invite her anyway, lillie and be generous without wanting to make her recant and piling coals of fire on her head for being mistaken in where she directed her love. It is not charitable to only give in return for a grovel.

grannyactivist, you are a star! Many years ago my elderly aunt was standing at a bus stop in Liverpool on Christmas Eve. She never married so had no family, but she never minded being on her own. However a middle aged couple starting chatting to her and invited her for her Christmas lunch. The next day she arrived at their house, where they were knocking back the booze. The lunch was never cooked. They just got drunk and my aunt slipped away when they fell asleep. Of course I know your lady is going to have a lovely time as you are so kind.

Londoner what a sad story allowing money to cause a rift stopping you seeing your grandchildren have you made every effort to heal the rift as life is short

Inishowen my 'wrong number' lady has already told me that she's teetotal and so we shall probably all be on the Schloer or something similar for lunch. After she's gone home though........I have some very nice cassis that's been maturing for two years. Hic!