Alone for Christmas

You are very kind to invite her however if I enjoyed a glass (or two ) with my lunch I would still indulge, she is one very lucky lady.

Just to show that I'm not a saint I think I should share that after a lot of heartsearching and discussion with the Wonderful Man I decided today that I will NOT be inviting a local rough sleeper to join us for lunch.
I do feel very bad about it, but there are safety issues and when I met with the person today it was obvious that things could go very badly wrong; there would undoubtedly be a clash with another person I'm expecting to join us. So my friend (who runs the homelessness project with me) and I will deliver hot food at lunch and a picnic tea instead. I know it's the right decision, but it'll be very hard when I have my nice warm house to go back to. Rough sleeping is no joke at any age, but this person is older than me and if the weather is cold or wet I shall feel so wretched about it.

grannya I imagine one ninety year old woman is very excited to be invited to Christmas dinner by someone she met on the phone. Great story!

The cost of progress?

I was very jealous when my DIL had her parents to stay on Christmas Day on our only GC's first Christmas. A few months later my DIL's father died and so never got to see the lovely lady who is our DGD growing up. I am so glad he got to spend that first Christmas Day with her.

Boatman - I'm sorry I've only just seen your post, otherwise I would have responded before. You're right, some people have no idea how lucky they are, but you can see from this thread that there are also people who understand how alone you feel and want to help. If you're in poor health you must see your GP regularly. Is he/she aware how isolated you are? Any decent GP would try to help reduce your isolation by for example suggesting organizations you could contact locally, or who could contact you. if you're the age of the rest of us, have you tried contacting Age UK? Keep an eye on this thread [and others which you feel may help] and I will too from now on .

granny What a lovely story. please don't feel bad about the homeless man, it is not you who would make the invite intolerable but him and you are doing your best by him by taking him food and drink, so please feel proud of yourself and enjoy your day with your other visitors.

I will be with my son, although I should imagine that a lot of the time I will be spending it alone while he is in his room or with friends as he is at this moment. I have done all the big family meet up thing, both as a child and as a wife and mother and am now enjoying the peace of it being less of us as family members have gone on to do their own thing more over the years. I think nowadays it is more that families tend to keep more to themselves than to mix with extended, maybe it's the age of the internet that people do not travel to see family but skype instead, just a thought?

So I will record some good tele, eat what I like (although I am doing the big dinner thing as it is DS's last Christmas living at home), play the games I have bought him, Buckaroo, Battleships, Snakes and Ladders etc, and then enjoy a leisurely nap.

And look forward to making new plans for the New Year ahead.

GrannyA I think your decision to not allow the person you were thinking about into your house is sound. You probably know more about his background which obviously you do not want to post on here.

I know how sad you can feel for someone who has had a very "messy" life, but for your own sake you have to use judgement when dealing with anyone who has possible history of aggression or such and may present a potential danger to others.

There were regulars I encountered in Social Work who you felt incredibly sorry for but could not and should not trust.

GrannyA, I'm sure that's the right decision. You have to consider everyone's safety and security, rather than allow understandable feelings of sympathy to result in one person dominating in what could be an emotionally, if not physically unpleasant way.
Sending very best wishes for the Christmas season x

SrWendy I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your daughters, and sorry not to have responded before - the thread went quiet for about 2 weeks so I stopped looking. All the more reason for your son not to leave you alone at Christmas - I'm glad you're going to be with them this year. You're very brave. I hope you have a great time.

Sola, I don't suppose you'll be readng Granset at this very moment but I wanted to advise that there is programme on television this evening that may be of use to you - it is named 'Lonely at Christmas'. It can be found on ITV at 7.30pm this evening.

The was also a programme on the radio today (Radio 4), named 'You and Yours'. It was broadcast from 12.15pm. During this programme listeners spoke of their view of lonliness and how they conquered it.

U3A seemed like a suitable place to begin, by initiating contact with like-minded people.

I hope these programmes and information may be of a little help.

Regards

I watched the programme last night at 7.30 about lonely people. It had me in tears. How anyone can leave a person that raised them without contact for months in cruel. There were people who had lost their partners and had no family, who went week after week with no one to talk to. One young man in his 20's, with a job, was good looking, well spoken but shy, was so desperately lonely it broke your heart. You would have thought he would have no trouble finding a partner. From now one I am going to be aware of this universal problem. I thought it was just really old people whose families had forgotten them that were lonely. I have
completely changed my view of retirement villages, the one lady who went in there was 73, desperately sad and lonely, blossomed, she had a smile on her face most of the time and said she felt part of the world again. Her place was rented and there are not many about. With an older population more are needed for those that afford to buy and those that can't.

Blast! I meant to watch that programme.

There are a lot of lonely people out there who obviously don't get to talk to anyone from one day to another. The 'baskets only' till at our small, local supermarket is usually manned by older staff. I wonder if this is deliberate policy as it's the till most often used by the 'elderly' with just one or two items in their basket. This sort of screams out 'person on their own'.

Theses staff and very willing to enjoy a chat with these older people and happily hold the queue up, and I now appreciate how this may be one of the few conversations they have on the course of their day. I've started glaring at giving a hard look at younger impatient customers further down the line, but feel guilty that once this might have been my reaction.

The programme had me in tears too. It made me count my blessings as, although I live alone, I am in contact with DDs and GCs. I felt for the woman who had spent her life worrying about her family and hadn't told them how lonely she was because she didn't want to bother them. I don't know of anyone on their own locally, but I have invited single people for Christmas in the past.

I didn't watch the programme last night, but do know that there are some very lonely people about. I remember once hearing that you shouldn't get annoyed in a supermarket queue when someone chats to the check out operator, it may be the only person they have spoken to all day, or even in a couple of days. I'm afraid that I chat to all and sundry, queues, buses, bus stops, you name it, I do it. Got practically the whole life story once from a lady. Another elderly lady, who lives quite far out of town, has not contemplated moving nearer the town centre, because she wants to leave her property to her " boys". One is a GP and has been to the Carribbean three times this year, so I doubt he needs her money. But she sometimes resorts to just standing at the front door to see if she can catch the attention of a passerby. It's a shame these days when the population is so mobile, before when you lived near family and friends, there always seemed to be someone ' just around the corner' or next door.

Candelle, Thank you for this. I will try and watch the programme, and listen to You and Yours. Many thanks.

sola, a pleasure. I hope they help a bit.

Sola, I'm so sorry you'll be alone on Christmas. (((Hugs))) I hope you come back in and answer the questions GNers have asked you to round out the picture. It's not clear whether DS and DIL always do this to you or are alternating holidays or what.

Like PPs, it would be hard for me to leave someone alone on Christmas. However, if it his ILs "turn" to have him and DIL, this year, and if they're the hosts, he can't very well force them to invite you. If they're the kind who only want their own family members or if there are tensions between you and them, then they really might not see it as a good idea. If I were his MIL, I would probably have invited you. DEFINITELY IF I knew you would be alone otherwise. But not everybody is like that, of course.

SrWendy - So there are two of us - Wendys, I mean! LOL!

But my heart goes out to you on the passing of your DH and your DDs. How tragic to lose even one child, let alone more than one. So deeply sorry.

Glad that your DS' ILs are including you in Christmas this year. Hopefully, it all goes well and will, as a result, happen again.

My heart is with everyone here who will be alone tomorrow and Friday. I hope you find enjoyable things to do, treat yourself to a delicious meal and/or indulge your choice to eat our of the can, and, perhaps, find some fun and solace by joining other GNers here.

Oh, sola, I see you did come back in. Hope you will fill us in on more details soon. Meanwhile, have a restful Christmas.

Whilst strictly speaking, I will not be on my own as DH will be with me, we have just received a call from our DD to say that DGS is ill and has taken to his bed (unheard of).

The suggestion is, that unless his condition has improved in the morning, we don't go over for our Christmas lunch (in case we pick up his lurgy).

We obviously hope our DGS feels better quickly but it may be beans on toast for us then tomorrow. Ho hum.

I am surprisingly relaxed, but then both my sons are in regular contact so not as deeply affected as others. I haven't bothered with the tree and stuff. I have arthritis in both shoulders and any faffing or fiddling around kicks it off big time. I would have been delighted to do it all if any grandchildren were coming, otherwise it's just a pain....quite literally. I have had my order from Ocado delivered with lots of treats. I lost four stones three years ago, and have managed to keep it off, so I won't go too mad.....she says, eyeing the big box of Thorntons chocolates, and the salted caramel pudding. I have lots of good books on my kindle, plus some audio books, and I'm looking forward to watching Downton and the Midwives. Best of all I decided to treat myself to the new Pro Ipad with the large screen, and it is wonderful and easier on my shoulder.

I wish everyone the best day possible tomorrow, and despite all the sadness, that no one loses hope for the future.

Well my 'wrong number' lady has gone into respite care I think. Social services haven't returned my calls so I don't know for sure; I've called at the house and tried telephoning, but she hasn't been home now for two days. I know S.S. were trying to find a care home to take her for Christmas week, possibly with a view to her staying longer - so at least if she doesn't turn up for lunch tomorrow I will assume she won't be on her own, but will hopefully be in the middle of a jolly Christmas lunch with others of her own age. As I'm a virtual stranger I do understand why no-ones telling me anything, but it's a bit frustrating.

grannyactivist what a shame, on many levels.

Hopefully your lady will be somewhere enjoyable but how annoying that social services have not responded to your calls. I guess they are very overworked.

Just a thought; I suppose your lady is OK.... and not stuck in her home.......

You have the knowledge that even if she doesn't turn up, you did a lovely thing in inviting over.

Merry Christmas!

Well, what a disaster today has been! My DS opened his presents and then walked out! I had bought him games for us to spend time together (he's had neary 3K this year from a compensation claim so has bought what he wanted for himself), so I thought some games for us to enjoy was a good idea but as usual he told me that they were c**p and that he wanted something for his computer and something to remember me by seeing as he is leaving for university next year.

I had the turkey in the oven when I got up so I've tidied up the wrapping and presents (they've gone in the pantry, he's not having them if he doesn't appreciate them) and I've just had hot turkey crispy rolls, lovely. But then I spilt my coffee all over the table, over my phone, cards and presents yet to give.

Hopefully, next year, when I am on my own, it will be much better and I won't have anyone putting me down for what I get them. Not a happy bunny today.

Oh rubylady, I'm so sorry! How rude and ungrateful! I'm glad you put the games away! The way he acted, I don't think he deserves them!

TBF, maybe he really had been hoping for "something for his computer" and at his age, he may not be that into playing games with his mother. But to blow it all off that way? Whatever happened to saying "thank you," no matter what and "it's the thought that counts?!" You must have been so shocked and hurt! (((Hugs!)))

It seems DS is a teenager, however. so maybe it's best to chalk it up to adolescence and let it go at that. Maybe he'll think better of it later and apologize. I hope so.

Granny, I'm glad you're thinking about safety and such. You're a very kind and generous person but you (general) can't be too careful these days. In fact, while I'm sorry things didn't work out with wrong number lady, I was a little worried about that, too. While I don't think she's dangerous or anything, you just never know if someone could be a thief or whatever. So maybe it's just as well.

Candelle, so sorry about DGS. Hope he feels better later and your day isn't ruined. But if not, hope you can see him on another day soon.

Gabrielle, thanks for the good wishes! Same to you! And Merry Xmas, everyone!