Alone for Christmas

I've seen Kilner jars with handles for coffee as well as drinking out of coffee jars.

Celeb, please don't misunderstand me. I'm NOT criticizing you or DS. In fact, I'm hoping you'll feel better if you consider that his partner may not have been too "lazy" to prepare for/entertain you and DH or trying to blow you off in any way. I'm saying they may just be trying to do things in a new way that you and DH aren't used to (me either) and maybe DS is having a little difficulty with.

Ok, maybe I'm wrong and she is just lazy. But then how come HER mother gets treated so well when she comes to visit? Are you suggesting that she pushes herself for her mum? That maybe she doesn't like you and DH enough to do that? I don't see how that could be when she's warm and friendly.

Or are you saying that DS goes all out for his MIL but not you people? I don't think so either.

So that's why I think it's just a matter of their trying to work out a yours/mine thing. And not anything against you and DH in any way. That may not make you feel any more satisfied with the visit. But if you think I'm right, then hopefully, it will ease any hurt that you may be feeling.

Unlike some PPs, I don't think you dislike DS' partner. I just think you feel offended by some of the things she does/they do. But, IMO, you don't need to be - she is/they are just looking at things differently than you and I do. That's all.

@ bohemian - So sorry you've been ill and that you're feeling alone. Hope it helps to know we're here for you. (((Hugs!)))

@ sola - But we haven't heard from you for a while. Hope you're feeling better by now.

Thanks wendysue for trying to understand.

My son is a bit of a high flier and he spends lot time travelling, they arenot married, I think you misunderstood me because our son was trying with no help it was quite obvious. Of course he should help but it is extremely rude In My book to spend day at a spa Xmas eve when they both insisted on us going.
It is not even high standards to expect to be warm !

Her mum is quite outspoken and would say if things weren't right.

Gabrielle Sorry you're unable see your,family,are you estranged from them.?
In reality I don't think you would want to feel cold and uncomfortable.

On contrary I don't dislike sons partner at all I just worry she is all flowery talk and no action if that makes sense. Her two teenage sons rule,the roost they have a dad but he seems happy for our son to foot all bills so it is a worry for us.?As long as he is happy that is all we want,

I do realise wendysue that men do more nowadays but my husband always has that is not the issue, however i tend to do planning and oversee it all and I think that is often the case.

We have given them every support financially and otherwise it is not a question of not liking the girl but i,doubt,her sincerity just hope I am wrong.

Oh gosh what ridiculous comments on here red headed mommy if you had bothered to read before jumping in, 1 my my son is not married
2 he cooked breakfast, went to collect fish and chips and cooked turkey,more pared veg, fed pets, etc while she played with her phone.

I do not dislike then girl at all thanks wendysue for realising that.
Her mother is a widow and I gather she,expects a lot, ie came to stay for month last year without any contributions, which I felt was unfair as they have enormous rent to pay. We always like to pay our way and not take advantage.

We have to accept and respect,if My son is happy great, but will not make 400 mile round trip in mid winter again, make summer visit insteadl

I did read it.

'When we arrived it was v cold, wet towels on radiator in our room, the boys her teenage sons were supposed to have cleaned?,! no food prepared fish chips collected by our son.'

That's not just down to her, it's down to your son too. He collected fish and chips because no food was prepared by either of them. It was all packet food and frozen veg because it was down to both of them.

Doesn't matter that they are not married. That is still his partner who he lives with and her 2 sons.

She does sound a bit odd though. I don't understand why they'd both invite you, but then have your son do literally everything while she saw him struggling then did nothing! Try summer, salad is quite easy to prepare, just open the bag and shove it on a plate

Well done red headed

We can't make her out either and yes have emailed ds to say summer visits be better.

Went last April and ds was in London at conference he cooked BBQ at 9pm when he got in we had sat there since 4 so not recent thing.

Be fair to him he does very stressful job chemical weapons expert and tutors online overnight to America so she has lot more time available.
Maybe I am biased?!

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2-Original-Douwe-Egberts-Cafe-Smooth-Glasses-250ml-/252109726138?hash=item3ab2e921ba:g:fagAAOSw~gRV7BId

like these Celeb??

If this is how it is in their household and your son doesn't appear worried, maybe you shouldn't worry either?

Maybe you are a tad biased ..he is your son after all, so I can see why you would be concerned.

An alternative is that you and your DH offer to help? Maybe one of you could have gone to the chip shop? Or helped prep veggies?

Biased you suggest?
Yep.

Nana and d Grampy we had 200mile drive In dreadful weather conditions, of course we offered to help had you actually drive that distance Xmas eve on.m 25 and m4 I think you would know what imeant.

I am sure you all mean well but wrapping this one up now.

No penstemon. They look quite these are actual empty coffee jars and it's like drinking out of jam jars.

Heyho whatever I expect such a shame as a tiny bit of effort would have made us feel so much more welcome.

Getting tired meant they look quite nice.

Grin and bear it. If you are critical of everything they won't be in a hurry to ask you back, and then you will lose touch - you don't want that to happen.

When handed a Douwe Egbert coffee vase to drink out of, laugh and say "This is unusual" and drink up. (They are not THAT bad - trendy jokey nonsense but we have all tried to be trendy in our day. Have you seen the ones that really ARE jamjars with handles? The Douwe Egbert ones are almost normal after those)

You don't like her doing craftwork in her spare time? Maybe it helps her unwind. Maybe the gym does too. Maybe she needed that time to brace heerself for a visit from an inlaw (OK, unofficial inlaw. Would you perhaps feel better about her if they were married?) Think back, you were probably stressed when your MiL was about to visit - you coped by cleaning and preparing, she copes in other ways.

You think your "poor son" does all the work? Maybe her working full-time means that he does far more than his father ever had to. He is now the head (or equal head) of his own household. He does as much as he wants to, it is up to him to decide how much to do, it is not up to you, however fond of him you are. Cut them some slack and enjoy their company.

Crossed popsts - it sounds as though you DID get the jamjars with handles. Well - laughing it off is still the best plan.

Of course you have thought of giving them wine glasses for Christmas next year.

I think she offered them glasses once before but they were refused - but maybe that was to drink out of, not as a present.

Some people only see the hole, not the doughnut and their glass (or jam hair) is always half empty.

My thoughts entirely, Anya...

And in the words of the song 'they don't know what they've got till it's gone!'

To all those that were alone Christmas, the original post, I do hope that you managed to enjoy it after all, hope the New Year is a good one for you.

Who is she elegran?

I too hope anyone alone at Xmas was OK as possible, it is sooo much commercial hype not sure very few people,see it from religious angle.

It is a money spinner for retail.

She is the person in the previous post. Close enough not to need naming.

Oh dear....sounds as if you went a bit Hyacinth Buckett (pronounced Bouquet) on your son and his partner Celebgran! Lighten up a little and have some fun with them. Jars/vases/mugs/glasses whatever....it doesn't matter. Fish and chips ....fine, nice treat once in a while. Admire her needlework skills, treat those two young men as individuals in their own right, not as not quite grandchildren, they don't have to be blood related to you to have fun with them. Your son does more than you think he should and he seems to be supporting his partners children....... that's up to them. It's absolutely nothing to do with anyone else including you. And yes, you were cold. We're frozen at ds/dil's as they're hardy outdoors types and don't seem to feel the need to have heating on very high. I took myself off to nearest outdoor shop and invested in a nice fleece jumper and down slippers. Warm as toast when I'm there now. Have fun Celebgran.....life is too short to fret about glassware.

Respectfully disagreeing with the idea of laughing about the glasses (unless you do it just inside your head, celeb). They might take that as some kind of unwelcome criticism. You offered to buy them more traditional glasses, once before and they declined. Nothing more you can do about that, IMO. Obviously, they think they're ok, probably even like them, so I guess you and DH will just have to accept that. Not the biggest problem in the world, as I know you know.

The idea of keeping visits to the summer time is a good one, IMO, celeb. That way, at least, you don't have to worry about being cold. Would it be possible, also, to stop and get something to eat on your way to their home? Cuz if DS isn't there or hasn't prepared anything, you now know you may have a long wait till you get to eat anything. You shouldn't have to do this, I know, but it may make things more comfortable for you.

Sorry to hear that DS has to help support his partner's DSs. But she's not divorced yet - maybe in the court proceedings some child support will be worked out? Not your call, I understand, just wondering if you know if that's in the works. Regardless, as you say, if DS is happy w/ this situation, then it's ok.

@ All - I'm going to chime in w/ the good wishes for those who were alone and Xmas. And sending best wishes to all for a Happy New Year!

Just checked out the glasses, found Pinterest rather intrusive!! House of Humble had loads of recycling ideas for jars, some obvious, some novel, some bizarre. Tiny terrariums appeal! I think I'd prefer a straw with my Douwe Egbert's but in son's and his partner's home would just enjoy the drink!!