Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

Even a Yankee Smileless?

Oh yes Rhinestone absolutely

100% rhinestone you and wendysue are invaluable to us
Wow just set up tub and basket before got dark??
Off for shower now God bless all xx

"Don't you find it interesting how people lucky enough not to be estranged are so very quick to judge and give out meaningless advice when they don't have a damn clue what they are talking about."

Oh, don't be so hard on wendysue, celebgran - I'm sure she means well!!

Madame cholet whoever I are if you can Read I just said wendysue like rhinestone is invaluable to us

That's exactly my point, celebgran. Anyone who agrees with your point of view is told they are invaluable. Anyone who disagrees is told they don't know what they are talking about. You seem to think that only your opinion (or posters who accept your version of events) should be allowed on this thread.

Oh no, not another invader from Mumsnet!!

Come on brave ladies - 'We will fight them on the beaches and on the landing grounds. We will fight them in the fields and on the streets....we will never surrender.

(With apologies to Winston Churchill)

Ha ha fairy doll I like it??do t worry they will go and play elsewhere soon

Sorry to disappoint you ladies, but I am actually a grandmother in her seventies. I am a long-time lurker on GN and enjoy reading the many informative and witty threads and the generally good-natured "heated debates", but I find this thread really distressing and feel so sad for the children and in-laws who are constantly being vilified. Many posters have made sure their families can be identified - GN have finally removed the names on one thread, but the damage has already been done.

I was shocked at the remarks made by one poster (who says her daughter reads this thread) a couple of days ago. She told us her daughter was seriously ill and could have died, but used this as a reason for the grandmother to be treated with sympathy and understanding. When her latest attempt to contact her daughter was rebuffed, she abandoned all pretence of caring about her daughter and posted some very cruel remarks, in the knowledge that her sick daughter might read them. Of course, we have only one side of the story as her daughter has behaved with dignity and has not posted details of private family matters on an open internet site, but surely she deserves to be allowed to recuperate from her illness without her character and actions (and those of her in-laws) being discussed and analysed by people who have never met her? She, and the other children being discussed, are adults and are free to make their own decisions about who they want to maintain contact with. As parents, they also have the right to decide who has access to their children. Why would they allow the children to have contact with a person who makes hostile remarks about them on such a public site?

Sadly, I think these relationships are probably beyond repair and, if GPs find solace in speaking to others in the same situation, that is fine, but making constant derogatory remarks about their children and partners is making it almost certain that there will never be any chance of reconciliation. The kindest thing the GPs could do, is back off and leave the families in peace, but this thread is not about kindness, it is about getting your side of the story out there and having complete strangers on the internet tell you that you are right. How very sad!

well said, Madamecholet.
Why should it be assumed that anyone who makes an intelligent remark or an observation that doesn't chime with the general tenor of this thread or sympathise with the views of the usual posters, is 'an invader from mumsnet'?

Good luck Smiless, sounds very promising. The article about the footballer sounds fAmiliar to many I am sure. Think of those celebrity estrangements, Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, Elton John, there are many, it is not a new thing.
Madamecholet, fail to see why you are reading a post that you have no insight into, but feel free to judge as if you do. The fact that you are a grandmother is irrevelent, there are all types of grandparents as there are mothers. No one as far as I know can be identified, that is why we use the names we do. The people affected by it get support on the forum, that is what matters, you want the opposite, if you think it sad why add your barbed comments, feel to go on a site where your views will be appreciated.

"Support" often involves a challenge to views expressed by the person seeking support. That's how healthy brelationships, even those in on line forums work. This was thread appears to want to be the only exception to this well established way of living.

Here we go again gosh a 70 year old grandmother we would hope would be a better mannered lady. Posting about things she knows absolutely nothing about I guess her life is boring todo that. She has not got. A clue what my ed has done and I am not about to enlighten her.

As I said before out of woodwork come the rest ?

Oh dear. Here we indeed go again. Without commenting on the rights and wrongs of your personal situations, for which I am sorry because everybody seems to lose out, nevertheless this is not a private thread, there was nothing ill-mannered in how madamecholet has expressed her views and to say she must have a boring life and nothing better to do is in itself ill-mannered and petty.
Anybody on GN who has read through the connected threads, going back to COOTL will have been exposed to a comprehensive account of the situations of the majority of the regular posters with considerable detail in some cases.
You cannot assume someone who does not share your point of view "knows absolutely nothing" Who is to say what experience of relationship breakdown others have had, or insight, whether personal or professional into this type of situation.
As long as this remains an open thread on GN anybody who wishes to may add their input. You don't have to agree with it. But you do not have ownership of it either.

Another side from me. I have a very good friend whose son married into a very wealthy family and cut off his parents as they did not fit into his new lifestyle. They were naturally devastated and I suppose , differently to some on this thread , at least they knew why. My point though is that after a time they decided to get on with their own lives. They are very happy and newer friends to our group don't even know they have another son. She never mentions him , even to me, who saw him grow up.
Some can put it behind them and move on.

I am not going to comment although have so much to say, as I know what will happen if I do.
As far as internet security is concerned this was raised over a year ago and the responses were, things like, I have nothing to hide ect, I think over recent weeks it has proven how careful you have to be.
May I also dare to suggest that those GP's who have added a profile that you just check, easily identifiable in some cases, far too much personal information.

I understand what Madamecholet is saying and I would point out that some of the threads on Mumsnet have the same problem-vilifying people when we have only one side of the story (although it is done more anonymously).

This is what depresses me-that no-one is listening to each other. On MN it is assumed that the parent must be narcissistic and sometimes on here it looks like anyone who expresses an alternative view may be told that they don't know what they are talking about. (Not by all posters I hasten to add).

Relationship threads on the internet can be problematic although I really understand why people reach out for support-it is very painful when family relationships break down.

Luckylegs very good post and spot on My ND sent me a pic of my darling little GS that just turned 5yrs last week, I didn't opened it till I went to bed after work at 11pm, so of course I couldn't sleep, thinking of all the missed years, my darling little GS all grown up, not knowing me from Adam. The scenario I wrote about, with me sitting in the corner of the church, whilst my beautiful GD gets married and she say's; "who's that old lady sitting at the back" and of course it's me, now seems more likely to become a reality after having such a special bond
I put an ad in the papers to wish my GD&GS a happy birthday, they got it wrong! they put in last years! so wrong ages! I said, ' if estD & nasty s.i.l see that ad, they will say that I don't know how old my GC are!, but the paper put it in again the next week correctly, so hope it was seen.

Smileless Thank you for your kind words , I was really upset for Celebgran the way she was attacked on here, knowing her all these years, we know she's a good person and loves her D&GC and just wants them back!
NC calling, will be back to read last page...

This is supposed to be a support page not a boxing ring!

Thanks yogagirl the post by cholet is too awful to comment on, why as luckylegs said minority thankfully of posters want to put sick stuff and feel it is helpful?

So sorry birthdays are tough glad paper got it right in end.

Off make cake for visitors onfriday but have 24hr bp monitor from tomorrow so better keep off here! Thanks for messengers yogagirl x

You put an ad in the paper???

They've asked you to leave them alone, so you put an ad in the paper??

And you truly believe you are doing nothing wrong??

As a person who had to get a year long harassment order against someone, I can categorically tell you that that is awful.

If your judgement about what behaviour is ok in life is that poor then I can see why you've been cut off.

MadameCholet, I am in similar position to you, grandmother in my 60s and feel very sad reading this thread and how people get attacked if they don't agree with certain posters.

To those who want support don't you think it would be a good idea to try and work out how to improve things rather than just telling each other its not your fault? Hoping your children experience the same pain, really? I can't believe a parent would say that, my kids and grandchildren could do anything and I would forgive them. I might disapprove of something they did but no I would never wish them harm.

Putting adverts in the papers when you have been told to keep away, how on earth would that help. How old are the grandchildren, are they likely to be reading the personal ads in the newspaper? Yes JustStrollingBy it is hard to get why that would be a good idea.

Before I get attacked for not understanding I have a rather challenging DIL but I make damn sure I get on with her as I do not intend getting shut out of my grandchildren's lives. I also have close family with children who were abducted by their partner and taken to his country of origin. Twenty years without sight of them so I know what it is like to lose children in the family. Knowing children who are used to an English childhood are suddenly living in a third world country where they will be married off in an arranged marriage as soon as they are considered old enough is painful.

I think the best thing for grandparents in to tread lightly. Spending hundreds of pounds on equipment when you are going to be looking after a child for a couple of days a week is the sort of thing that will annoy alot of parents, its their baby not yours and you don't need all that stuff and I say this as someone who has done alot of care for grandchildren. If you have a safety gate that is all you need. A highchair can be handy but not essential and if they come with their buggy you are sorted. Yes it can seem like fun to go and buy loads but it is going to annoy many parents so why do it?

Back off, give young families space and they will welcome you but try to take over, get over involved, tell everyone you have such a special relationship and they will shut the door on you unless they are incredibly tolerant.

I'm sure its a waste of time saying that as you just don't want to hear.

Once again with respect granny to mine you are no doubt well meant but it really is different in all cases and thre but for gods grace etc,

Just strolling. By you didn't mention harassment I am so sorry you went through that, please don't judge yogagirl we all have to do what actually helps us survive.

My ed attempted give us harassment warning for sending her birthday card sadly her involving police just estranged her from her brother who could no longer condone as he put it her despicable behaviour. However as we had done nothing wrong our mp wrote to police and it was sorted out however it was horrendous experience. Our s I law then rang ed godparents to sever contact as if he was absolutely determined to win.

Sadly there are no winners.

I have times when I just can't bear the pain, I wake at night and feel my head going to explode with it. All sorts of emotions come and go and anger is part of it I desperately am trying to let go.

There is only so much pain a mother can cope with. That is my daughter I will always love her but I have to let her go Before she makes me ill. I took your advice just strolling and added note on anniversary card so done knows I will always love her and be here if she needs me.

I am glad you have good relationship with your mum now just strolling

Celebgran should be able to say what ever is on her mind, to us here who understand and are in the same sad boat. Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters, so MN's come back when you are Grandmothers and we will then see what song you sing then.

Why in Gods name are you on here Madman ??