Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

That's the trouble isn't it Fairydoll, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. I think I'd consider popping in for an hour but I certainly couldn't sit down for a meal with her. I think the suggestions that you say you've already made made plans for the day which cannot be altered is a good idea.

We've cancelled our trip to Aus. for Christmas and the New Year. TBH we'd been thinking about doing so for a couple of months. By the time we actually moved in, 2 weeks go today, we were both physically and emotionally drained. Even the thought of being with DS who we miss terribly, didn't make us feel any better about the long journey plus the additional flight to Bali just a couple of days after we arrive for 5 nights over Christmas. You may remember that D d.i.l. booked the trip without talking to us about it first.

We did tell DS and said we'd alter our dates to mid January which he said would be OK. Having contacted our travel agents who are brill by the way and doing so, Mr. S 'phoned him only to be told that for 2 of the 3 weeks we'd be there, they had 2 sets of friends visiting from the UK who were staying with them; he'd forgotten. Fortunately, we hadn't paid the 500 pound additional charge and were told if we gave them a letter by the following day, they'd refund two thirds of the original payment. Good job too as DS unable to cancel trip to Bali which we didn't want to do anyway and that's cost us a grand.

They should be coming to the UK for next Christmas. I do hope so as it will have been 2 years since we saw him. We're not planning on booking anything else for Aus. for some time to come.

Gosh, is that the time. I'll have to go now but will finish my post later.

Smileless I was getting worried about you. I'm thrilled that you love your new home. What's going on with the old home?
As of yesterday daughter is divorced but until something happens he has those overnights. I pray my GC get through this without too many scars.
It seems that several of us have family member birthdays this week.Today is our EGC sixth birthday. DH did not want to send a card so I did not buy one. I'm letting him make the decisions and have learned to shut my mouth which is extremely hard for me.
Still have stomach and bladder spasms so seeing a doctor this week.
Next week is Thanksgiving so I'm doing that also.
Last week was so depressing after the election. I cannot ever remember seeing this reaction in all my years on earth. Clinton won the popular vote but that man won the electoral vote. The hate crimes that are happening are frightening. Please send us your prayers. Would you believe we are having such warmer than usual wether that I still have flowers? Sending them all to you.

Smileless amazing to see u posting a d thanks so much for pm

Mrs t be getting g ready go out so more tomorrow!

Sorry about your Xmas mix up had no idea about Bali trip?

better go get get ready had good nigh but damn, pain was awful in evening.

Going see osteopath Monday dr advised, she gave me thorough examination nonidea what pain is we risking going out tonight

Sorry to hear your planed trip to Oz is off now Smileless, but after your exhausting move with all the emotional issues with it, I would say it would all be too much for you and Mr.S such a long, tiring journey to Oz!

What beautiful flowers Rhinestone thanks for sharing.

Enjoy your evening out Celebgran and good luck with the Osteopath.

I'm off to a barn dance today, friends birthday bash, I've never been to a barn dance, no idea what to wear

We experts at ran dances comfy sandals or boots and casual yogagirl.

Sadly had leave early damn pain.

Gra work today so just me and Rosie pain moved from back to groin and top leg if feel got be connected! Did not have sughngood night.
was well fed up seeing everyone on dance floor and me unable to tried but pain in groin really debilitating .

Barn dances meant as we go folk dancing when well enough

CelebgranIm so sorry about your pain. Do you need hip replacement? I have had two friends that had pain there and that's what the doctor told them. That's why I ask.
Got through our GC birthday okay until I saw pics of what the other grandma posted. It breaks my heart. We are going to our lawyer to take the ESS out of our will and just leave whatever money we have to the other three children and the ESS's children.

Thanks rhinestone but apparently my hips are fine ?Had them xrayed crew weeks ago seems more likely back fingers crossed osteopath can help tomorrow.

How Are you now rhinestone? I definitely think our,mental and physical health takes a battering with stress of estrangement.

Smileless so sorry u not goi g to oz at Xmas, that's a shame I didn't know about the Bali thingy,
It's just us and Rosie this. Xmas but we hope go see Steve our estranged and family after on 28thndec I hope I'd do f get sad remembering xmas past,.

Happy Sunday all.

Omg i meant Steve our dear son if only we could see estranged ones but not very likely??

Well saw osteopath and he was very thorough examining me a d apparently mynbsck is fine?

He is writing to dr.

We have had so much stress this year al last wonder if that has caused all this pain.
Findings out daughter nearly died and does t want us still despite offering another olive branch and taking gifts over with her godfather she drove away from her dad with a furious look onHer face he says will remember that for ever.

On bright note we were able to rebook our weekend away for next March without losing any money but I had to be very definite and use all my people skills ?
So pleased as bad enough having postpone break without losing cash on it,

Smileless how are you feeling now? So pleased you bothnfeel happier with bit space between you and es

Will sort dates is next July when fingerd crossed we will meet at last.

My estD's 27th Birthday today! Wonder if she will get many cards and presents, her nasty husband doesn't do either Wonder if she will think of her mum & sister today. We always made such a big fuss of her, lot's of gifts, beautiful cards, out for a lovely meal or parties when she was younger, we made it a really special day for her. I just feel numb with this nightmare, 4yrs for no reason other than her nasty husband and his mother being jealous of our love and closeness.
Also thinking of my poor little GD taken from being the most loved adored and cherished little GD/N in the whole world, to now an unloved stepchild in a family of cruel heartless gypsies!

Oh yogagirl try and let it go so very hard keep torturing yourself i know only too well.

WE remade our wills yesterday and both felt verymstressed and sad.

Whatever happens in. Future the damage of eight year estrangement has affected lur health badly.

I a. So worried about my health with this pain and I still miss her so much but do realise at last that this is not mutual.

Yogagirl I dot see how your daughter can not think of person who gave her life on her birthday.

Solicitor we saw yesterday said we stand good chance in court if we applied as we attended mediation and estranged daughter refused.

We are thinking about it but at moment our health is more important.

Yogagirl I'm sorry for your pain. Both my ESS and Son are born the same day. It's torture for us and I can relate to what you are going through. You don't deserve this treatment and we can only hope your daughter will see what she has done one day.
Celebgran That is good news for a chance to see your GC. You HAVE been through a nasty year and after you get your health in order you will have a chance to have the law on your side.
Today is our Thanksgiving. I have made a nice meal and some family will be over later.
I just want to thank all of you in this forum for accepting me into it and allowing me to express myself without judgement. For that I am thankful. ?

Rhinestone we love to have you and hope your u have great thanksgiving meal.

????xx

Happy Thanksgiving Rhinestone and all in the USA and thank you for your kind words and you Celebgran It still sounds like sciatica to me, get a physio to check it out.

Busy today as my ND's Wedding day tomorrow! and then I'm looking after baby till Tuesday evening so I'll be back on midweek next.

Nice weekend all

Hi Everyone

I haven't seen or spoken to my daughter for 5 1/2 years. I see her daughter by her first husband but not her son by her current husband. I won't begin to say anything about the husband BUT my daughter and I were fine/normal until he came along. My question to you all is what do you do to provide for your estranged grand-child? Every birthday, Christmas etc. I buy him a card and present. I write an age appropriate message and put some cash in the card. In my will I have written that he is to inherit the box of presents. Even if the toys are no longer useful I am sure the money will be and you never know he may keep the presents for his own son to have one day. What ideas do any of you have to make sure your grand-children know about you and who you are? Many many thanks

I do have to ask if going to court is really going to help in healing the rift between you and you ED celebgran. I can imaging it's an awful situation to be in,as I couldn't imagine being estranged from my gorgeous Granddaughters. But will it do any good for the future,or just throw up another set of problems,or reinforce your ED's resolve not to have contact. Has anyone gained contact through this route? would be interesting to know.

Boh din tree indo a blog for my Gra daughters and I photograph every present or card I have ever sent hope that helps.

Granny grace I wonder why it interests you ?

Are you estranged from your son?

I would not divulge any other information on this site but thanks for your concern .

Goodness me, where does the time go??. The days just don't seem long enough since our move but even though I haven't posted, I'm thinking about you all.

I hope it was a wonderful day yesterday Yogagirl, you all deserve a real celebration. Please give my best to you DD and lovely SIL and tell them I wish them nothing but happiness for you all.

Well b0dhiTree, we send our GS's birthday and Christmas cards, we get two each time so one goes in their memory box. There's a fab Sunday market near our holiday home and I've seen a stand where we can buy a pine chest and have their names put on in wood, so I'm going to get one next year and that will be their memory box.

It's always so sad to hear that someone else is going through this hell. This is a great place for support and comfort so I'm glad you've posted here.

Next year I'm going to get photo's together in a scrap book and document their father's and our lives before and after the estrangement. I want them to know something about us, what we did and what we looked like as although I'm hoping we will in the future, I realise we'll probably never see them.

I cannot speak for Celeb of course grannygrace but I very much doubt it has anything to do with healing the rift with her ED. They simply want the chance to get to know, to love and be there for their GC.

Celeb's estrangement has been going on twice as long as ours and if we were to seek contact with our GC (not that we're going too) it would be for that and that alone. I am not interested in having any contact with our ES unless that enabled us to get to know our only GC.

The extent of his cruelty and betrayal is so great that our relationship has been destroyed beyond repair. I do wonder if some of these abandoning adult children believe that regardless of what they have done, and the length of time it's been since they cut their parents out of their's and their children's lives, that if they ever change their minds, their parents will come running.

For more than 4 years that I've been on this thread, my heart has broken for the endless times Celeb and Yogagirl have reached out to their EC to get nothing in return. That is not what I've done; we all have to find our own way of coping and that's been mine. On the few occasions Mr. S. has reached out it's been thrown back in his face which only serves to increase his heartbreakand my at our son's behaviour.

I'm glad your DD's divorce has been finalised Rhinestone. I hope you managed to enjoy thanks giving. It's not always easy to find things to be thankful for in the midst of such suffering. I hope that proper arrangements will be made for your GC.

Mr. S.bought a tree for our roof terrace today. It looks lovely all lit up with 'icicles' hanging from the branches. This is the first Christmas we've actually looked forward too for 4 years.

The last 3 weeks in our new home have been like a beautiful dream. To begin with I couldn't believe how happy I am and then I realised it's because I hadn't really faced up to how unhappy I'd been before.

It's the best thing we could have done and fingers crossed we'll complete on the sale of our old house on Friday and then we'll be free of it at last.

Oh smileless I am So pleased for you???

If. Were t for this da, pain we would be loving forward to Xmas also.
Yesterday pain was so severe I collapsed and poor husband called ambulance, they were very kind and looked after me, gas and air helped a lot!
Took me to hospital and I have to now wait for.mri scan no one kniws what is wrong.
Yes smileless spot on i don't think the rift can be mended after as mymcounsellor said a whole tree of olive branches have been rejected.

Yet being so ill in this pain I feel very low and scared and I miss her so badly, how stupid is that? I do realise she does t care. Poor husband was so worried yesterday likewise my son. I was chatting to paramedic he was my age! We gelled and he was so kind, I was in so much pain I was crying and he was incredibly caring.
I thought of my s i law who worked for ambulance service and I told him.
Would you believe he was estranged from his son!

When I explained how s imlaw screamed at my husband etc and went to police he said you should have reported it to ambulance service he would have been dismissed!
He had worked for them over 30 years so was not just saying it to comfort me.

Still how would that have helped my little Grandaughters

I have been helping dear husband tonight with his c professional development phew he hasn't done any for ages!

Amazing yogsgirl so exciting g for you but bittersweet also thinking of absent guests.

We saw old friends for lunch today despite pain, and theymare going be grandoarents! So please yet brings back such bittersweet memories, their daughter has had 2 miscarriages so will say prayer for her, such worry.

I

celebgran sorry to hear that you are in so much pain and I hope it is solved and treated soon.

I have decided to buy a wooden chest to start storing presents I buy for my DGC. What I had been doing is buying presents for each of them (plus the DiL and DS) and posting them all to DiL parents.

I haven't heard anything back in 5 years, so for all I know they could be throwing them in the bin. Better to save them.

Christmas is bad - but this year I feel I need to start looking forward. I don't want to do the court nor mediation thing.

Looking on the positive side (just about) at least I don't have to deal with an angry and controlling DiL.

I made a new will 2 years ago, taking DS and DiL out.

Good luck to the rest of you Gransnetters also living with family estrangement. I hope our pain is solved oneday.

I hope that you can begin to look forward SparklyGrandmaand that this Christmas is easier to get through than the previous 5.

Dear Celeb, I'm so sorry that your health continues to give you problems and pain. The estrangement from your D is certainly taking its toll on you. It's when we are at our lowest that we miss them the the most; take care dear friend.