Regrets about being estranged from people..

But, Fairydoll, this is not the support thread. There don’t seem to be any problems on the support thread at the moment and I can’t understand why you want to resurrect disputes from a previous thread that was deleted. It is unfair to everyone else who is trying to keep this thread on track.

I am interested in what you say about how friends behave and we certainly have different views on this. Among my friends, if one of us is upset about something someone else has said or done, our response is always to try to defuse the situation by suggesting there may be another way of looking at it or that perhaps the person didn’t mean it in the way it was being interpreted, as we feel that encouraging someone’s sense of grievance is not what friendship is about and usually makes the situation worse.

Sorry you think I seem bitter - my true character is clearly not coming through!

Redheadedmommy, you have asked a question that is very pertinent to this thread. I can only tell you what I would do. If by standing back and remembering the situation years later and finding that the bullying now seems less than it did at the time, I would persist with getting together and keeping off the subject. Talk about anything else because they will refuse to consider your viewpoint. After all, they have done nothing wrong.

If the bullying etc still seems as bad as it did when you remember it with no exaggeration well I would stay away totally.

How do you think you would be received if you did go back?

Madamecholet

I agree this thread has become rather 'muddied' but I was responding to your judgemental comments.

In a perfect world, where friends gently point out 'there may be another way' and we take their advice on board, there would be no need for threads like this. It's a kind of text book view point you put across, but people get very emotional about estrangements and use threads like this to express their regret or bewilderment.

Isn't it better to express these sentiments on GN than to stew silently about them?
Like I said, it's cathartic, so Let It Be...

I find it very strange that those with the most to say about threads being derailed are the very ones doing the derailing, by constantly telling others what they should and shouldn't post.

Rosyglow

No one is derailing this thread

This is not the support thread repeat, this us not the support thread.

This thread is sbout those who have regrets about being estranged from people, or possibly not. There have been some very honest and positive posts and some very sad. It is not a thread to moan about other posters.

Anya. You post some good comments, but it seems like you are now attempting to police the style of the thread. It goes where it goes. Ok, it's not a support thread but there are some personal and not very nice comments now appearing. For example, why was it necessary to point out to Rhinestone that her step GC were not her GC? (Post by MC). I'm sure she is well aware of the non-biological relationships in her family! It was also felt necessary to point out that she was estranged from her own son. So MC is free to make that observation but, personally, I think it's very unpleasant and designed to be nasty - there's no other explanation. If Rhinestone retaliates, then doubtless further contentious comments will appear.

As I said - can we just Let It Be, please

I'm not trying to police anything. I'm just fed up with the victim mentality that is emerging and the name calling.

You cannot for example say in one post that 'MC is free to make' certain observations and then say you find it 'unpleasant and designed to be nasty' .....that is contradicting yourself and is illogical.

I'm quite at liberty to say what I want and pass comment on this thread do let's not go dien that old chestnut of policing the content, just because I've said something you don't want to hear.

Anya forgot to say (I always do!)

Last Saturday you posted 'so many sad stories, but what a supportive thread.

It was, so what happened?

Internet etiquette goes back a long way Fairydoll. You don't seem to be familiar with it. One of the rules that I remember was never to overide an original post for your own agenda.

There is a support thread that you contribute to (and most other posters avoid) that should suit your needs.

This thread is helpful for people like myself, who have read it and wondered if a reconciliation could work. It is a thought provoking thread, not a support thread. Please understand that I am not getting at you, nor is anyone else. It is just that a thread like this is worthwhile if allowed to continue without the type of posts on the estranged thread that tend to go round in circles.

People were listening to each other and not taking offence at every little phrase or trying to score points.

Anya - why do we have to get into the minutae????

MC is at liberty to make comments, but it doesn't necessarily follow that anyone has to agree with them or that they are not unpleasant, so I don't see how I'm being illogical, or why I shouldn't respond to them.

None of the comments have offended or affected me personally but, as oft repeated and encouraged here, I am just looking at things from a different perspective.

Yes Anya, they were! Now it has gone a bit Pete Tong. I hope it gets back on track because it is very valuable to many of us.

FD2030 I don't do pointless so I'll bid you goodnight and sweet dreams.

pollengran my thoughts exactly.

Do you actually read any comments directed at you Fairydoll?

Polengran. I am aware of the support thread but I'm not sure why you think it would better suit my needs!!

I am not estranged from my AC or GC but I do have sympathy for those who are, and so I post there occasionally.

But thank you anyway....

Sure everything will seem better in the morning. I'm off to bed.

Polentran

Well I have now!!

No, I haven't noticed any previously - so does that prevent me from posting here?
Not sure what you're trying to convey.

This is getting ridiculous.....

I think that is for the best Fairydoll.

Going to bed I mean.

Fairydoll could I just point out that once you post something on a public forum, it is out there for other members to comment on – Rhinestone introduced the subject of her disputes with family members and I commented on her post.

I have no problem with anyone disagreeing with what I say, (my DH does that all the time) but calling someone "nasty", referring back to posts on a now deleted thread or insisting that we all have to be supportive of a particular point of view just takes a thread off-topic and it is such a pity when this thread started off as an exchange of views from both sides of the estrangement situation.

This will be my last post "Madamecholet" so you will have to find another prey to berate. Fairydollis right about what you said to me. You make assumptions BEFORE you ask the questions or know the facts. So here are some missing facts:
1. My son has no family and he estranged himself for his own purposes . There was no argument or unpleasantries.
2. Yes my stepson has two children who even though they are not biological to me don't know any different. I have fed them , wiped their bottoms and put them to bed since they were born.Do they need my DNA to be loved and cared for by me?
I owe you no explanation but you sure can jump to conclusions. To tell me that those children aren't mine is enlightening as I had no clue. And to say that it is wrong for me to not care about my ESS and his wife is surely a judgment don't you think. Being estranged has shown me the true self of those people. So maybe I am not sorry for the estrangement as I have learned a valuable lesson about people.

I surely learned one about your meaness. I think you may be secretly a pot stirrer. And with that comment I estrange myself from this thread.

OK Rhinestone, that's fine.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I haven't read this whole thread so I may be going off piste here. I don't really want any advice just getting somthing off my chest. Two of my sisters have not spoken/ contacted me or my youngest sister since my dad died. I was upset at the way they treated my youngest sister and the way they handled the funeral and I was very vocal in my disapproval. The straw that broke the camels back was that I insisted on keeping a promise I made my dad that they thought was unimportant. I don't really miss them. They were very very hard work. However I've just heared through the family grapevine that one of their children had a baby and that's made me feel a bit sad. I'm also in a quandary about telling them about my DiL terminal illness. I love their children and I'm sure they love mine. The cousins saw a lot of each other during their childhood. I understand completely that the cousins are in a horrible position and have chosen to stay away feeling loyalty to their own parents but it's sad and proves that any type of estrangement reverberates through generations. I often wonder if I'll feel real regret or guilt if anything happens to either of them but because at this present time I know it would take a mammoth effort to instigate a reconciliation I just haven't got the energy or the inclination. I'm still very close to the younger sister who is here now supporting me, my DiL,son and my grandchildren. We discuss the situation often. (of course she thinks it all their fault) but I worry that I've affected her relationship with them. She tells me that's not the case at all but I do wonder. If they contacted me I'd be willing to let bygones be bygones but I don't think she would( they did treat her horribly) there's also part of me that would think life has been much easier without them and their infantile sibling rivalry. Sad though isn't it.