How would you feel?

Thank you everyone for your comments, I have read every one and I have made a few decisions.

First of all, OH and I are not married. We have been together for 16 years and so we keep seperate finances and also my son in Oz is not OH's son. My husband died when my children were still at school.

I am retired but OH is still working as he just missed the retirement age that I was s lucky to take advantage of . He is a generous man, but we have both had a lot of losing jobs etc between us over the years - going to Australia is going to cost a lot more than going to Canada. Also, with Oz, I do not wish to travel alone. I have not flown much in my life and so my daughter is saving too, so that we can go together which helps make me feel a lot better.

As so many of you say, I am not my OH's keeper, Mother,or even his wife, so I will continue to do my thing as far as holidays go and he will do his. We do go away together as well, we went to France last year and have quite a few weekend breaks in the UK.

Maybe it's that I have learned, during my time alone after my husband died, to stand on my own two feet, to not do anything I do not want to do and I feel I have earned the right to be like this. There are many reasons I do not want to go to Canada - most of them personal to me and would seem silly to other people. Believe me it is taking all my strength and willpower to save for Australia.

So I will tell OH how I feel. Thats all I can do. After all, he dosn't need to go away on holiday to do something with someone else, lots of people manage it on their own doorsteps!

I love the varied responses I got and could see everyone's point of view. If I regret my decision then it's my own fault but that is how I see things at the moment.

Good for you oldgoose, I think you've made a wise decision and wish you well.

Dear Oldgoose.
I think you are brave and wise and will make the right decision. I really do hope you both come out of this with your relationship and your pride intact.

You've made your decision on Canada,but can I offer some advise on Australia having been lucky enough to go for Christmas and my 60th in May. There is a site called skyscanner you will find it if you google it. You put in all your requirements for your flights i.e date which airport your flying to etc and it scans every flight to that destination and starts by showing you the cheapest.It will then alert you when there is price changes which helps you keep an eye on prices.Be careful of stop overs tho cos they can be long or more than one. For instance I went on 23rd Dec it cost £1,300 with Singapore airlines amazing company with a 3 hour stop over at Singapore, the exact same flight in May cost £665.May time is there winter which affects flight prizes but if you would prefer cooler climate that is the best time to go.Another member of my family did same journey with British airways and was very disappointed with the poor service. Wish you well.

You sound strong enough and independent enough to take whatever fate decides. I think you'll survive your OH's trip better than he may!

I go to NZ and the flights to Aussie are a lot cheaper you can get there for £600 plus I agree Singapore airlines are very good I have also flown with Garuda air NZ and KLM no problems with any of them

You are right OldGoose infidelities can happen on your doorstep . In none of your posts have I seen the word love in connection with you and your partner so that may well be your answer

Good luck and enjoy your son only seeing my guy about every 5 years I totally understand your excitement I think I d take out a bank loan and get there as quickly as possible

Just got to say that yes, I do love my other half, very much, otherwise this trip would not bother me as much as it does. Can't imagine life without him, he's a pain in the ass, but he's MY pain in the ass !

Perhaps the idea of befriending the lady on Facebook may work then. If you ask her to look out for him and take care of him for you as you can't be there but love and will miss him very much may alter her perspective. He knows how much you care so I'm sure he'll be fine.

Yes-mark her card!

oldgoose My mother was in your situation , in middle age my father went away on his own to spain, met a widow and became friend,y, he met her secretly on further visits to Spain and also visited her at home and other meetings. My mother had tried to befriend her but despite this they continued to see each other. This caused my mother a great deal of unhappiness and knocked what little confidence she had. she contacted this woman who was embarrassed but explained despite knowing he was married, she was lonely and had enjoyed the attention. Their relationship endured for a number of years. My parents continued to live in the same house but had separate lives up until he died.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Oh, that's really sad.