No presents this year from my ds and dil

Agree with katyk, a small gift isn't the end of the world!!

I'd be a bit narked as well if they can spend lavishly on themselves and friends but can't, or won't, spare a fiver for a box of chocs for their mum and dad to share (or marzipan fruits, in my case ). Of course it's the thought that counts, but there's not actually any thought for you here, is there?

But of course you can't call them on it. If this is their nature, you have to accept it. They'd be getting no present from me though - use what you save to treat yourselves. And perhaps put a box on the Christmas dinner table for contributions towards the cost (that was a joke, I hasten to add!).

They may well turn up with a present- wait and see!

As others have said they bring a token present
Like you have only small family so give money to my DS and DD (inc their partners)
And buy for DGC
We insist that our DC do not buy present for us. We don't need or want anything.
However we do have small presents from our DGC via their parents

For goodness sake I think he is very mature. Instead of spending money he hasn't got
he has the conversation with you. He is actually coming to see you unlike other children of gransnetters on here. Use this opportunity to tell him what a great idea it is not to buy presents for each other. This will save you money which clearly you don't have. We stopped buying for our a few years ago, gave them decent cheques and moved on. So liberating. The fact that he works hard and has a social life is none of your business all the time he is not asking to borrow money from you!

I think that it was good of them to let you know they will not be able to afford presents this year and to take heart in the fact that they are coming to stay with you on Boxing Day.

This is the first year we are not buying gifts for the adults (other than exchanging a gift with Mr C). I agreed when the change was suggested by one of the family, but now I'm finding it strange not to be buying the one gift that was our custom for secret santa. I will get used to it, it's just different, but I don't like it right now, I think because it isn't the same in the family of one daughter in law who has told us what she has been buying for them. I can understand your reaction scousegirl, can only suggest you go with it, odd as it might seem don't buy a gift for them but welcome them with open arms and just enjoy your day together. It may be that they have no idea of your financial constraints but perhaps don't mention this at Christmas time. You may be able to introduce your own budgetary situation into a conversation once Christmas is over. Our family also think nothing of meals out, when we were brave enough to explain we have to budget for them now it became less of a pressure and no one is upset if we say 'not this week'. I hope you can enjoy your day together.

This year is a difficult Christmas for us, inasmuch as my son and his partner split up earlier this year. Although we are all spending Christmas day together, none of us have room for all of us so we are having a buffet dinner with us providing the werewithal to pay for it. We have set a limit for presents for them and the children but have told them we don't want presents. We prefer to see the family together this year.

I would not want DC to spend money on me. A little shallow to be thinking that a gift is important, your family actually visiting should be more important.

It's tricky, isn't it, because we all have different priorities. We have a big family. We tried a Secret Santa one year but that fell flat. I think most of my grown-up children are only buying for each other's children this year and not the adults. We still buy for them all.
I think I would be a bit hurt too, but, as others have said, would try to not to show it and enjoy Christmas in other ways.

Maybe it just hasn't occurred to them? They sound quite involved in their own lives and activities. All the Christmas socialising can be expensive. However, I reckon its a bit thoughtless to not even get you a token something. I'm sure they'll not turn up completely empty handed.

I would say "oh , I'm so pleased, we are feeling the pinch too, so we'll not bother with presents either. with only pensions to live on, it's getting a bit stretch for our finances

"Bit of a stretch"

I'd be miffed if my son or daughter didn't buy me a present. Even when times were hard for them they managed to buy a token present. After all, times were hard often when they were children but we managed somehow.

I'd buy them something that you'd like for yourself, just in case. Then if they do turn up with a present you'll have a little something to give and if not then you'll have it for yourself.

I agree with everthankful .though I might add I'd also not wish to embarass them by giving them something when they have nothing to give in return.

We dont buy for anyone over 18 in our family. I dont really see the problem, a lot of people buy, buy, buy at Christmas and get themselves into debt, your son is being sensible. They are giving you their time and coming to see you, just be happy with that as a lot a people have neither presents nor visits.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, it isn't as though they have forgotten, he has explained to you why they wont be buying anything.

When my DH was diagnosed with his illness and had to give up work pretty much right away as he had struggled on until he was almost dead on his feet I told " Friends" that we wouldn't bother this year. I lost alot of so called Friends at that time as they were miffed, some of them even said " Well we have already bought your present!!", we are not talking diamonds here btw, just a tin of biccies or something. I thought it was awful that they so obviously only give to receive. I would never do that.

Works both ways though, finding out who the really good people are
Our lovely neighbour turned up at the door, and handed us a brown envelope. I looked puzzled. She gave us both a hug and said " You may or may not need that, but I have been in your situation and I know how it is, for one thing you are both in shock, keep it for now, give it back when you can" and she left quickly.

We looked inside to find £1000!!! I think I had said on another thread that I don't cry, but I did then, I could not believe her kindness, and in case you are all wondering. Yes of course she got it all back, wouldn't take any extra so flowers were the order of the day.
There are some TRULY good People out there, not many I think, but we are blessed with this one

for a number of years when girls were little and money was tight, we made presents for family and friends, perhaps a suggestion that as money is tight 'for everyone' you thought this year, something simple, fun and handmade would be best. they could even paint their own money box if you bought them a kit, hobbycraft have money banks in all shapes, and only £3 www.hobbycraft.co.uk/advancedsearchresults.aspx?filter=ProdType~Paint+Your+Own+Money+Box+Kit/&query=moneybank&followsearch=8338

When did it become normal to 'expect' gifts at Christmas? I thought Christmas was supposed to be about giving, not taking.

Your son and dil are giving you time. Stop moaning.

I know kids expect presents, but adults? Get real.

Seriously, I think a visit and stay over from offspring is worth much more than any box of chocs.

I honestly think this sort of complaint is a sign of looking for something to feel hurt about. Touchiness, in other words. I'm guilty of it myself sometimes (though not with regard to my offspring or about xmas gifts), so I recognise it when I see it.

I reckon it's this kind of expectation-charged touchiness that makes xmas fun go wrong in so many families. What should just be pleasant family time, regardless of gift-giving, turns into something sour because people start out with soured feelings.

Fear not! I'm done.

<Bags buggers off>

Being very tight for money myself, although on the face of things, people probably think we are rolling (we own a business which appears to be successful) I can see both sides. They may well be apparently well off, but have financial issues they want to resolve. Having said that, a token gift would not kill them. I will be giving to friends and family, but have adjusted the budget for adults and explained. They all understand, not so hard

I do understand how OP feels. The gift itself doesn't really matter. It is what it represents. You want to feel your kids care for and love you and happily go to buy something to please you. It is perhaps more to do with self esteem .As parents we have done SO much for our kids and it is nice to feel appreciated.

Christmas is surely about giving and not receiving, though? My lot are quite happy not to receive gifts this year (money being used for presents being redirected to food and children's gifts at Foodbank). I honestly couldn't care less about not receiving anything for Christmas - really! It's the first year that I've not felt the commercial and financial pressure of buying what for whom.