No presents this year from my ds and dil

Hey Scousegirl, it is nice to get a gift but it's really ok if you don't get one.

I have two amazing sons who love me dearly but don't buy us presents. We don't mind a bit. I still buy gifts for them because I find it hard to break the habit, I can't seem to find a cut off year and I really can't afford. They wouldn't mind at all and have said many times not to bother as Christmas is all about the family get together, the meal, the games etc.

Then there is my SS and SD. SS is absolutely lovely and he doesn't do presents either. We still get him something although he too has told us not to bother and I know he would be absolutely fine with that.

SD on the other hand has disliked me for 30 years and has pretty much hated me for the last 8 of those, putting in an increasingly worrying amount of effort coming up with new ways of letting me know just how much. But...she never misses buying me a gift!

So, is it really the thought that counts?
Are you really higher up in someones list of priorities because they gave you a gift?

I found it interesting that you used the word "heartbroken" and also that your Son would walk out and never see you again if you spoke to him about it. That sounds very extreme, is there maybe a bigger picture we don't know about?

I hope you're feeling better now that you've had a rant on here and have come to terms with it.

It's honestly not a big deal, enjoy your family time

The point is that the OP feels so far down their list of priorities. She's feeling hurt. Its not that she wants presents but that they don't seem to have thought about how she might feel.

Also the implications of this plainly are a big deal to the OP. You can't tell someone how they ought to feel. People's feelings are their own.

Just one year I was informed by my 2DS and DD that they were only buying for the children. Fair enough. (My DD did buy my a present tho.) I was fine with it all - we all had Christmas Dinner in a restaurant together - but in the evening my DS2 called in wearing a very expensive coat that his wife had bought him and he went in and on about just how expensive it was and how much he had spent on his wife. My comment was how nice it must have been to have a gift to open no matter what it cost. Then it dawned on him that Santa had missed dear old Mum!
I know it really doesn't matter as we were all together for most of the day but I childmind GCs at the drop of a hat and have taken leave from work to accommodate when needed. I love my babies and their families dearly and will do anything for them so a little gesture in return at Christmas means so much - especially if the GC have made something!!

Reading some of the posts here there seems to be a lot of mothers being really jealous of their children because they are well off having holidays, cars and own their own house.

I think the OP was over dramatising her comments and as others have said theres a deeper issue going on there. Dont expect anything then you wont be dissapointed!

I certainly don't think a lot of mums are 'really jealous of their children'. Mums just want a small token of appreciation at Christmas, that's all!

Not all mums, I know my son and family appreciate me, I dont need a gift from them, just knowing they love me is enough.

Christmas eh? I think a token gift fir you would have been acceptable after all you are his parents their not exactly on the breadline are they?

Mums jealous of their children? Don't see any evidence of that on this thread. A small token of appreciation is not much to ask as mumofmadboys said.

If your children don't buy you, even a small gift mumsy then I find that sad.

In our family we have a £10 limit for adults at Christmas. How lovely that they are coming to spend time with you

doesnt make me sad and i see no reason why it should, if you feel sad about it Anya you can always buy me a gift

Families are all different and have different ways of showing love and appreciation.

I can see how hurt the OP is and I think it is understandable. Personally I think there is joy in giving as well as receiving so I always bought presents for my parents. I always spoil my lot at Christmas, and I am always being told off about it! In any case I would say enjoy their company and do not let this affect your relationship with them. You do not know what problems they are having. Maybe they feel obliged to go to their friends' wedding/stag do. Perhaps they have been friends for ever? Which would mean that your ds and dil have had to priorities what they spend their money on. Surely travelling from 'the other side of the country' as you put it, is a present in itself with the price of petrol these days? Maybe when they have paid off the debts they have they will be more able to buy 'gifts'? Try not to let this sour things between you.

Don't really post, just enjoy reading all the different opinions, but have just read yours from yesterday, nancyma, and I do so agree! I've been walking on eggshells for so long that I've forgotten how not to! Especially with one dil. But....I actually today decided that from next year, I will not bite my tongue if an occasion arises that causes me to be upset and/or angry. I will endeavour to put my point across in a kind and friendly way, so that said dil hopefully realises that her actions have/are causing me to feel very hurt and frustrated. We all have feelings, after all.

HurdyGurdy well said. I couldn't believe how rude some posts were towards Scousegirl.

Who knows - perhaps they will turn up with small gifts for you? I would have small gifts for them. But I wouldn't go overboard with the Christmas dinner, not too luxurious. If they find it at all lacking you can always say that, as pensioners, you have to be careful what you spend.

Nanna 58, May I gently say that we know we're very lucky - our children aren't " spoilt and thoughtless" and nor are the young that we meet and chat to day-to-day. I think that young folk today have much harder lives growing up than we did - the stress on them is immense.

Some older people would do well to appreciate how life has changed for them. I mentioned looking at pics of their cars and homes because it shows an interest in their lives and doings and starts off the happy chat, particularly if you have n't seen them for a while! What's wrong with a little positive appreciation, compliments and pride in our young? What do you talk about when you're together at Christmas, anyway? I'm rather tired of the victim culture of some older people, who criticise and blame others and don't bring anything but the negative to the party of life. But today they're in the minority, thank goodness. XX

The spending their inheritance was a 'joke' ...a bit of lightness and humour!!

Really Anya? the inheritance comments( And there were more than one) were not posted by you.

I'ld love if someone said this to me as it would leave me off the hook in return.

Presents bought out of duty aren't expressions of love or where you stand in people's priorites, in fact, the people that spend the most on us are the same people who never make the effort to see us, I do wish they wouldn't bother..

This is why I prefer halloween, it's about people getting together to have fun together and no present nonsense. I do like christmas but I think one way or another gifts cause a lot of problems. I'ld like them scrapped in place of just spending time with people

Like notanan I prefer another occasion because it comes without the emotional baggage, only not Hallowe'en which has no significance for me and also seems ridiculously commercialised, but Easter. To me it is an occasion which has religious significance for those who are Christians, but either way can be a family time , there are Easter eggs if you wish or pots of spring flowers. There is not the shopping frenzy of Christmas, and there are fewer expectations of "the cook" (after a Sunday lunch they all go home again!)

Hear, hear, notanan and db. If your children appreciate you and love you, you don't need gifts from them to prove it; it will be evident in the way they talk to you and their ordinary everyday way of treating you.

shanma, and anyone else who mentioned spending one's money rather than keeping it as inheritance for one's kids, I don't think there's anything shocking in that idea at all. But then I grew up in a family where inheritances simply didn't exist, not to speak of.
On the other hand, there is talk nowadays of aging parents setting up systems to make clear that they would rather refuse treatment in their very old age and be allowed to die than have their kids' inheritance wasted in care fees.
It's a personal choice and there are no rules. I definitely think it's a bit of a cheek of kids to expect an inheritance from their parents. Nice if it comes but not something one should count on.

Scousegirl, I was sorry to see you regret posting. I know you will have a lovely Christmas with your family, whatever you do about the presents.?

Scousegirl I'm sorry too that you regret posting. Take the support offered on this thread, and there's plenty who understand, and try to ignore those that attack you.

I know how you feel it's not the present per se it's the feeling unwanted, unforunately we brought up the me generation

I am a very demanding mother!
My request is always the same, a date with my offspring male and female, lunch usually though dinner would be fantastic.
I love love this. and they oblige just a one to one of course.
I said didn't I, very demanding!