Sleeping in separate rooms

Just had a night in a budget hotel where the bed was huge and so comfortable. Best nights sleep I've had for ages as I forgot DH was also in the bed. I don't think we are really ready for separate rooms but there are nights when he snores and I can't sleep or am too hot when I do take myself off to the spare room to read. He's also a duvet hogger although he also says he's far too polite to start commenting on my sleeping faults!

Liz46 has your Husband trying snore bands across his nose? I found they helped me considerably and my husband was very grateful :-) I found Braethe Right to be the best, but other brands are available!

We've been married 22 years (2nd time for each) and have always had our own rooms. We both snore and disturb each other and we keep different hours too. But it hasn't caused any ill effects on our relationship at all, quite the reverse...keeps things fun and interesting! Oh and we each use different bathrooms too...we both like that. I can't see the problem if everyone sleeps better, a DH who snores but insists on sharing? Hmm. We do share when away, of course, and it's fine. Muffles wax ear plugs are my life saver.

Snap !! And , for us , it works perfectly , as our sleep patterns at home conflict ... it also makes holidays feel more special and different !

Love conquers all! And separate beds and separate bedrooms, let alone separate continents, have never stopped two people adoring each other.

We have been married for nearly 50 years and sometimes we have separated at night (for medical reasons) and it has been fine. We have also invested in two 3ftx6" single beds (pushed together) and have separate duvets. So we are together, but apart.

He listens to the radio through headphones on his old-fashioned Walkman when he can't sleep and I read novels on my back-lighted Kindle. This means we don't disturb each other. Oh and he also has a little torch to guide him to the loo at night.

I think if you can talk about these things it is very healthy. As for sex, that's a problem after radiotherapy treatment for prostate cancer, but we've had enough fun to last us two lifetimes so who cares about not getting IT any more?

I don't know whether this message will help, but that's my story anyway and my husband and I are still very, very happy.

For those of you with a snorer, earplugs should help.
Surprised no one has mentioned them.

Nothing wrong with separate rooms. As long as you have a good relationship, then I can't see it's a problem.
Not everyone of course has the luxury of being able to decant to the spare room.

The answer to some problems such as thrashing around, (me since the menopause) is a 6ft bed, alas we don't have one at home just king size, but we both sleep better when we have stayed in places that have an extra large bed.

We sleep together in a 5' bed but my husband sometimes snores - loudly! A larger bed would not solve our problem, much 'though they must be lovely.

The thing that surprises me is that in this thread, it is all the GN-ers that leave and trot off to a spare bedroom if the noise level is unbearable.

Am I odd, as it is my husband who is poked awake, informed he is snoring and if he doesn't stop (he can sometimes if he sits up a bit), is ejected from the bed and bedroom.

In my defence, he is happy to sleep anywhere and can nod off in a new location without any preamble, whereas it would take me ages to adjust the temperature of the room, arrange myself etc.

We have been married over 48 years and he doesn't seem too upset.... Am I alone/an ogre?!

Ear plugs are the way to go. We have slept separately for 2 years. If we do sleep together wax ear plus from boots round pink ones

We went for separate rooms when my husband had cancer and he was so restless and I was still working. We have never looked back. We both prefer it that way otherwise neither of us would sleep.I still love him very much and it has never changed how we feel about each other. We still have fun!

My husband retired to the spare room about 20 years ago due to his very bad snoring and has been there ever since. He was later diagnosed with sleep apnoea so has a c-pap machine which is a very good excuse not to share a room if we go away which is not often. I love having my own room - I was an only child so never seemed to get used to someone else being in the bed with me

Would it be possible for you to suggest that you sleep in separate rooms while you husband arranges to go to the doctor and explains about his snoring? Excessive snoring can be an indicator of other things that are wrong. That would at least give you a bit of breathing space.

Personally I think he is being rather selfish but it your relationship and you value that so I do understand that you need to find a way through this. I would be sad to think it was just you giving way to his issues.

Venus seperate rooms are not the end of your sex life unless you have marital problems already.

Candelle, thank you. I thought I was odd in thinking, " why should I decamp to the spare room, and warm up a cold bed?"" I haven't , yet, but his snoring is not quite so bad just now, and really I haven't the heart to ask him to move.

my night sweats were so bad I was changing sheets in the middle of the night so my other half decanted to the spare room,he wasn't altogether happy about it so I went on HRT and thankfully the sweats stopped ...after 2 years of trying to cope on natural remedies.So we moved back in together ,last night was the first in a long while we've slept seperately ,because I'm stuffed with the cold and coughed and spluttered all night...all fine though and its he who moved to the spare because I was " breathing too noisy".I quite like having the bed to myself menjoy it when you can

We too sleep apart in the week. My DH has to get up at 5.10am to travel to work, l look after DGChildren 4days a week.He also has a Movement Disorder that makes him jerk slot so we do this so l can get some sleep and still feel able to care for DGChildren and he doesn't feel guilty.

A lot,sorry

My husband and I share this problem, though he doesn't see it as such.

He can snore for England, and is currently suffering from this awful chest infection, causing him to cough for most of the night.

I am shattered, and have a snooze at lunch time, then a couple of hours in the evenings.

We do have a spare room but would need to buy a new bed. My husband doesn't see the problem, but I'm going to have to put my foot down.

Good luck OP, hope that you can both agree.

We share the same bed and it works quite well, I am a night owl, my Husband is an early morning person, he has usually got over the snoring bit by the time I go to bed, so no problem, we both had a problem when he was overweight but he has lost a bit of weight. If either of us have colds, coughs, I usually go into the spare room on the sofa bed, hubby doesnt budge,I apprecate our big bed much more when I go back there.
Why should seperate beds be a problem, I presume you both have good legs to move about if you need to, if separation becomes too much!

Love sleeping in separate rooms. It means either one of us can go to bed when we want, have a read, wander about the house at any hour of the night, work in bed, have a tea or coffee or little sandwich, wonderful and recommend it to anyone. Neither of us gets disturbed by the other and we both get however much sleep each of us may need. If one of us needs to get up really early, that happens and the other doesn't even get disturbed by an alarm.

Thanks Auntieflo! Not just me, then!

Perhaps you could try all of the ideas posted & see which ones work for you. You could even use a mixture of all of them, we do.

I'd get an electric blanket for the other room, the latest ones heat up in no time, you can set the level of heating and have a timer that switches it off. No need to go to a freezing bed at this time of year.

If you don't like the idea of separate rooms on a permanent basis start off together then go & get some well earned rest in your lovely cosy nest, but don't be bullied into doing anything.

One thing intrigues me how were you given your bedding instructions? Over breakfast, at the Deli counter at Waitrose , out for a meal with friends, pre Christmas drinks with neighbours? Surely not across the Christmas turkey?

Liz46 I think you are me!!!! Just moved back in with OH but seriously would love to stay in spare room! Also we are just off to India too - what date are those elections!!!! Help!!!!

My partner and I sleep in separate towns. He stays at mine on a Saturday night, it's like having a date night every week. We talk all the time and adore each other but would hate to actually live together.

Liz My sympathies as I had the chest and head thingy and could not use earplugs when husband snored. I snored, too... so I moved to the other room onto a memory foam mattress setup.

DH brought me all kinds of goodies and rubbed my forehead for my sinuses, and then my back to relax. I felt cossetted and nicely tucked up, more so that when we are in our bed together!

Blink You are my duvet hero...wait till I try this in front of DH!