My dil...

If the bread is there when you sit down for food could you not just help yourself to a piece before eating? Are you eating with young kiddies? If so she might be trying to get them to eat their food without filling up on bread as well. People can be unthinking at times when they really mean to be helpful - is she very slim herself? If all else fails and you really need some bread with your food then I'd be tempted to wrap a piece of nice bread from home and bring it with me in my bag!

She is being passive aggressive. My sister used to buy me clothes a size too small for birthday or Christmas presents (after asking my size). She even did it when I was in hospital and I needed her to get me a nightdress and dressing gown. If we were out and I asked for a coke she'd buy a diet coke and I once asked her to buy some butter when she was on her way to me for Christmas and she brought diet spread (which was no use as I wanted it for cooking). She would act innocently surprised if I said anything.
It is rude and it is superior. You started off being amused, you are now irritated and the next stage is to be angry. You either have to grit your teeth and bear it, spend less time with her or firmly say tell her to pack it in.

I am a bit overweight myself, I know I am, and try to eat more sensibly. By commenting on your weight I think she is being rude, and you could say, unless you choose to ignore it every time, that either you find it boring - just do a little laugh and say something along the lines of "Oh what a boring subject, lets talk about something much more interesting" or say "well I've done 50 planks this morning, how many have you done?". Or you could bring her a very calorific cake when you visit, just for the hell of it. She may be trying to be helpful, but her method isn't helpful or you wouldn't have started this thread would you ? You could ask her to be your slimming mentor, but that would be awful for you, or you could say well we can't all be slim like you and you'll find that as you age you tend to put on a few pounds.

I think you have to be flippant without being nasty, play her at her own game. For instance it used to get me mad when in a group, the biscuits would be passed around and the stick thin people would say 'Oh no thank you, I'm trying to cut down' Then people would look at me as a normal to slightly heavier person and almost whisk the biscuits away, and I'd say,
'Oh yes please, I 'm trying to Increase' !!

She's being very rude.Think of all the rude responses you'd like to make . . . but don't say them, remain diplomatic. You could always say polite things like 'I'm so glad it's just a light for lunch, we're having a roast for tea." Or a veiled criticism of her bread "I discovered some really nice bread from . . . It always tastes so much fresher."

I had MIL living with us at a time when she was on a weight loss programme which included stays in hospital for supervised extreme diet. When I cooked meals I served the whole family the same food, no potatoes or cakes and biscuits. I thought that it wouldn't hurt us in the short term and MIL would not feel as if she was being treated differently. DC were having cooked lunches at school so were not missing out on nutrition.
Unless you have been told you have a problem with your weight then it is just so rude.

I think the next time it happens I would say "look DIL, you are constantly making these types of remarks. Is there something you'd actually like to say, rather than dropping comments, because if not, would you please just stop doing it".

Anorexia is the product of mental illness grannypiper whereas being chubby rarely is (being obese might be I suppose.But more often than not it's the result of eating too much and not exercising enough .And costs the NHS a fortune ).I think it would be appalling to joke about it .
And thankfully it is no longer seen as acceptable to joke about skin colour, sexual orientation etc either,particularly as they are characteristics you are born with
I'm not saying jokes about chubbiness are ok either but as it's largely self inflicted I can see why it's seen as 'fair game'

Anyway, if she's got bread on the table, what is it there for if not for visitors to have a piece ? The other thing you could say when she comments whether it is a good idea is to either say Yes, or ask if its mouldy as if it is her fault.

You must start being a bit humorous about this. Or you could creep up to her and lie that her meals are so lovely but always a bit on the calorific side, nicely putting her in the wrong with a back handed compliment. She is putting you down all the time, presumably because she is a bit of a health freak.

Tell her in a joking way, your the adult & she married your son not you anyway, I definitely need to lose a lot of weight but wouldn't take kindly to anyone telling me so & I am not one that likes conflict, but in this case I would say something, it's up to you if you are happy as you are ok, if not when & if you feel like shedding some do so, only you know if you want to or not & if &
when, no-one can tell you when you are ready

This is rather sad - Doctors do not comment on increased weight - in fact some of the health service employees are very overweight as well, because of causing offence!
I think you should be thankful that someone loves you enough - as you said - not coming from a bad place! - to show concern for your health, which you are inclined to ignore.
I think everyone has a responsibility to face up to indulgent habits with food and if you are let's use the word fat, instead of pretending it doesn't exist, imagine carrying around that amount of butter in your arms all day long! You will be amazed at how your general health will improve, your levels of energy and self esteem -why not try to work with your DiL?
Although the consensus may be that our health is our own business and no-one else - who picks up the tab for the long-term health implications/complications/drugs/specialist equipment/ambulances/surgical procedures with longer hospital stays required to control the results of overindulgence. Let's praise those with the foresight to do something about it instead? Work with DiL and be grateful for her love.

I have a problem with a very overweight DIL, I am genuinely concerned about her health, I have not made any comment, how do I deal with it?

Minimo, is it a possibility that SHE is the one with the weight problem, and she is projecting her anxiety on you? By "weight problem" I meant that she may either be borderline overweight herself, or is silently dealing with anorexia, bulimia, etc. - or she simply might be trying to lose a few pounds and she's looking for someone to help her along. The reason I ask is because my mother has had a lifelong issue with her own weight, even though she's skinny as a rail - she'll be 93 this year and she STILL picks at her food, viciously gossips about who is "too fat", and she berates my sister and me if we gain a little, even though we're all normal weight and fine. You have my empathy!

Thing is an overweight person knows in their heart they are overweight, it does not help if a family member keeps harping on about it, it is horrible. If the person asks for help to lose weight then that is a different matter.

Minimo.......How about dialogue something gentle and jokey like 'I don't have a problem with my weight. Do You?' Now DiL will either interpret this as referring to herself or you. Perhaps this will ice break and a short topical conversation could ensue. Here's hoping......

Dear Minimo,

Could you not try the absolute truth. Simply say you find the comments upsetting and would appreciate if she stopped making them ? You may need to be quite firm depending on her nature

The problem is not that the OP is overweight or whatever, it is the constant "drip-drip" of the DiL's behaviour. I'm afraid I consider it to be bullying. I'm a fine one to talk as my family has done that to me so much, regarding my sense of humour/my DH/my DCs or whatever that I have cut off all contact with them. It is totally undermining.
If you are able to talk to her quietly minimo and tell her that you appreciate her concern but to please desist from bringing it up every time you eat there, perhaps the woman will stop. I'm not holding my breath... but wish you well.

It is rude and bullying behaviour and because you don't want to cause a family rift you are putting up with it and suffering in silence. Some good comments here. Perhaps she is obsessed with her own weight and trying various diets? All the magazines and adverts show waif-like young girls, but when you look at women in the street they come in all shapes and sizes. I suffered with a bully at work and I did not respond because I had to work with her every day, and I am never good with the quick clever responses. However another younger colleague did not put up with it and there were major screaming rows, complaints, meetings etc. I think the best way is to get her on her own and have a quiet word, and ask her what the problem is, and tell her you feel uncomfortable. If you are happy with your weight, BMI, blood pressure and cholesterol, let her know. You never know, she may be concerned about you in her own way but doesn't know how to bring the subject up and it ends up in snidey remarks (I'm being nice here).

The trouble is that for a thin person, especially one who works hard at it, it's such a simple matter... Eat less! Move more! Look how it works for me! You too can be like me, if you just don't eat that bread!!! They often fail to understand the difficulties some people face with food.

I'd just ignore it, and have an extra slice just for devilment!

I think her comments are completely out of line. She does not have any respect for you. Is she so perfect, I doubt it as no-one is, I haven't met a perfect person in my life. Do you think she is trying to get to you as your other points are just beautiful and she is picking on the one thing that she can and it makes her feel the better person.
I had a sister who was a bit overweight, so what. Its not her place to be so horrible. There is more going on with her, and it is probably about herself and not you. She is more than likely insecure about herself. Hold your head up high. Don't take any notice. Answer with a bit of humor. Say, "what I thought I was perfect ha ha". Then take it with a grain of salt, you are the better person. As I said before, it is about her not you, enjoy your cake, you deserve it at this time of your life.

I can't agree that DiL may not realise she is being ill mannered/bossy/ controlling.

Unless she has very poor social skills she must realise what she's doing. I may be wrong, but I get the impression that she is enjoying making the OP annoyed and uncomfortable. She may be using the justification that it's 'for your own good' but that is often the way bossy people who feel smugly superior justify themselves.

I would ask her, as nicely and politely as possible, to stop making a thing about it, since it is rude and annoying, and furthermore any question of your weight is not her concern.

Next time she says something, ask her in a non threatening way to show you how she does burpees. Rehearse this beforehand.

I am overweight, Epileptic & Diabetic Type 2, I also have Arthritis & have had for many years, I'm only 61.

I would love to lose weight but as a previous GP remarked "to lose weight you need to exercise, to exercise causes you pain" a Catch 22 situation, he could remark on my weight as he was my GP for 22 years but he never pressured me.

My Epilepsy medication also slows my metabolism also making it difficult to shed weight. I love gardening & work as vigorously as possible but this can only be short bursts. Last year I lost 1 stone in a couple of months, sadly as I'm less active in the Winter I've put it back on.

My diet is healthy as I follow the recommended Diabetic eating guidelines, plenty of veg, some fruit & portion control.

In OP place I would not put up with DiL making remarks & I'm afraid I couldn't "smile sweetly", I would have to "bite back". Even my DM (you're always a child to your Mum) although she worries about me & may question if "I'm allowed" something does accept that I can have a "treat" sometimes

The other thing you could do of course is to deliberately talk to your son and act more upset than you actually are - eg cry a little and ask him to tell his wife you are now upset. Be a bit more Machiavellian if you have got to the point where humour doesn't work. It sounds as if she is continuing this little joke and doesn't realise she is now causing genuine hurt.

Being a former teacher we used to teach kids to problem solve like this: When you...
I feel ..... Because....
When you say things about what I eat
I feel bad
Because it seems like you are not happy with my weight and want to control what I eat
You have now been nice and put the ball in her corner