I miss the man I married

(((Hugs))) Silverlining. So sorry to hear about this.

I'm going to join in with others who say dh needs to try another counselor - or 2 or 3 - before he gives up on counseling. Before that, though, he also needs a complete physical to rule out any physical causes.

"His personality has changed. He is not the person I married 12 years ago and we relate to each other very differently now. I miss the man I married. Occassionally the 'old' husband reappears and I know how much I love him again. We manage but I think we are both lonely in different ways and both sad for each other"

If he absolutely refuses to seek further help or if it doesn't work out, perhaps a trial separation is in order? My words may sting, but maybe you would both be happier on your own or with someone else? Forgiven me if it hurts to hear that. I'm just thinking of your happiness - and his.

My DH has PD and the changing personalities are very difficult to deal with. We are really struggling at the moment. There are 3 phases most days, - querulous and fearful due to physical discomfort and anxiety, angry and over assertive and then, for a short time, a glimpse of who he used to be. It's a lonely life, living with someone who has an illness that causes them to be focused almost entirely on themselves, through no fault of their own. As the original poster said, the person you married has disappeared. I think you have to 'compartmentalise'. You have to be there for your other half, but keep some doors open and have some life of your own. This becomes more difficult, sadly, in some cases, as illness progresses. I can't stay out by myself for too long now, and holidays could well be a thing of the past. I try to concentrate on what I do have. I'd rather it was one of us that had the problems, than our DC or DGC.