Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

My husband and I bought a boat and after renovating it, we sailed to Greece five years ago. My four grandchildren ages 4, 4, 2 and 1, were born within two years of each other, and of course I miss them terribly. But we come back from the boat for several months over the winter, and I spend as much time as I can with them then. You can use Skype and Facetime, and to be honest, who can remember their grandparents or what they were doing, before the age of 4?
At least you are not going forever. Some people live an awful lot further from their grandchildren, like Australia, or even the north of Scotland, and only get to see them once or twice a year if they are lucky,. Go on your holiday, don't feel guilty.

You are right thatbags, they must consider each others feelings as well as the children
It did sound like it was a dream for both of them.

Go now while you can still get travel insurance! It only needs one health scare & things get difficult...

So what, I assume you are married to your husband and not your children or grandchildren. And would you believe it they'll still be there when you get back. So go and enjoy your travels. And there are all sorts of ways of keeping in touch anyway.

Forty years ago my parents retired and went on a 3 month trip back to my mum's country in South Africa . They had not been for over 20 years . I moved into their house with my DH and a 2 year old and looked after my old gran of 88 and a very difficult 17 year old sister ! They had a wonderful time but said much later they did not know how they had the cheek to do it . I'm so pleased they did because 2 years later my father developed bladder cancer and would never have gone after that .Go ,you never know what will happen in the future, your DD will manage , I would jump at the chance but OH won't travel further than he can drive ?

Minalta MrA's dream when we retired was to go boating in America for a whole year. Like you I baulked at the idea of leaving the family here, although we don't live near them and only see them every couple of months or so.

We compromised and go for 3 months at a time. We started in January 2014 and have done about half of our journey.

I am not really an adventurous type, but felt I had to make the effort for him, though I felt very apprehensive. Going by himself wasn't an option.

It has been a fantastic experience, and I wouldn't have missed it for anything. One thing that has made it more worthwhile is writing a blog about it. That made me observe things more closely than I might otherwise have done, find out more about the places we've visited, and also be generally more upbeat and positive.Friends and family read the blog so I have to appear reasonably cheerful! It's also a good place to keep photos, and useful to refer back to, when we find we can't quite remember exactly where something amusing happened or we saw something interesting.

Go for it while you are newly retired and active - you don't know what's round the corner.

Minalta, when I started to read your post I thought you meant 3/4 years not months! Goodness that's not long you know. It will fly by and really enhance your newly retired outlook with your husband. As a grandparent of children in other continents I am envious of the amount of time you are already able to share with your family. I too am 'very close' to my children/grandchildren but am proud of their independence and self-reliance too.

It's not forever is it. You can Skype, telephone, text. Time will fly and you will have a pleasant return home. Daughter will cope.

Go for goodness sake! Don't put it on hold, you never know what is round the corner health wise as you get older. Embrace the fact that you have your health and the wherewithal to afford such a dream holiday. Skype and FaceTime often, but not every day, my DD has a MIL in Australia who does this and it drives her mad plus the children don't want to talk to her every day which she finds upsetting. Email photos, send postcards and look forward to how excited they will be to see you on your return. Your husband has the right to your consideration too. I know this will sound harsh but you had all the 'firsts' with your own child, the 'Firsts' for your DGC are for the parents and you should allow that so go is my advice.

If you get health problems you will be unable to travel so go while you can. I am getting to that stage insurance costs more the older you get and the more visits to GP you have to make. As I say go while you are able. I am hoping to go to Canada this year, trying to organise something my friend and I agree on. We are both late 70's.

You're all saying she should go. Should she knowing she'll be sad and missing important stages in her GCs lives. I most certainly remember my grandparents before the age of 4. I felt attached to them in a way I didn't towards my travelling GPs. They were people who 'd turn up after another long absence with presents and marvel at how we'd changed. We were shy of them and never had the same sort of relationship. Can't have it both ways. I feel very sorry for the OP.

We had always planned to spend time caravanning in Europe when my husband retired so when he had to take early retirement because of deafness at the age of 57, we let the bungalow and took off. The grandchildren were 6, 8 and 10. We returned once a year and they came over to spend holidays with us. Everyone was happy with the arrangement. My husband died ten years later and we were all happy that he had his wish. He always used to say "do things whilst you may".

Go if YOU want to go, eg if the gc's were not a factor. Or maybe subconsciously you don't want to go, or perhaps for not that long?

Take the gc's out of the equation and see what your true feelings are. Then talk out any reservations with your husband, perhaps you would prefer a shorter visit, unless you have been there before. Hopefully you have both done your research about healthcare access, car hire, language issues, etc.

Just to make you smile, your 7 month old will NOT be walking, talking and toilet-trained by the time you return...bugger.

I feel the same as Minalta plus I have a fear of flying, I am lucky that we have a single son, in his thirties, who is only to happy to go off on holidays with my husband, I feel that if there is not 100 % agreement then a compromise is the best way forward.

I understand how you feel because I miss my grandchildren when we go away for just a few weeks. However, if your DH is adamant he wants to go, how would you feel if something happened in the near future and you weren't able to go away at all, would you have regrets. 3/4 months seems a long time to me and I wouldn't want to be away that long, grandchildren or no grandchildren. Can you not compromise and go for a couple of months.

Go while you can it's not forever enjoy

Like many others here, Minalta, I say go for it. Unless...... in your heart of hearts you really DON'T want to and there are reasons other than those you are divulging. Only you can answer that. However......as the MiL I would love it as I might get a look-in with the GC. Communications are so good and diverse these days that regular contact will not be a problem. One thing I would suggest is that you have enough cash to afford an unexpected flight home. This will give you peace of mind and a comfort zone that overrides other fears. Hope you have a happy outcome whatever you decide.

I have a similar though not the same dilemma
We have travelled a lot since retirement -6years-though never for more than 3weeks (we have no grandchildren) It was a dream I thought we shared .We have always got on really well on holiday and like to do the same sort of things .However DH has wearied of it (he is 65 not 85)I think its possibly symptomatic of other things ,though that's another story
I went on a long haul holiday with one daughter last Autumn and am going on another with my other daughter this spring. DH encouraged this (tbf they are countries he had no particular desire to visit)and appeared not to mind. However when I returned it was evident he had missed me a lot more than he expected to ,though he would never admit it
I would be reasonably happy to continue with my travels on my own (the DDs cannot afford to do these holidays frequently. They are 'one -offs') but would much prefer it if he came along Money is not an issue .
What do I do ?Push him to carry on ?Or accept that henceforth I will be going on solo holidays .I'm trying hard not to feel resentful and hope its not a reflection on our marriage but.....
Incidentally a lot of my women friends have said the same thing A lot of older man don't seem to want to make any sort of effort at all Be grateful yours does.And while I accept that I don't know how one feels about grandchildren I cannot imagine prioritising them over my husband My children ,maybe when they were young,but not my grandchildren . .I also know that should I ever be blessed, the chances of my seeing grandchildren that often are fairly slim .

I think you should go but perhaps agree a compromise with DH so you are both catered for. Life is too short and you do not know what is ahead of you. Skype and facetime are great in circumstances such as this. My grandsons are 12,000 miles away and I only get to see them every 18 months so rely on Skype etc to keep in touch

I start to miss my dgc if I don't see them for a few days. 3-4 months would be "eternity" for me! So I'm totally sympathetic with you minalta.

But I also understand dh's wanting to go through with your long time dream. So I'm going to join in with those who say "compromise" - postpone the date a little, as one pp said and shorten the length. Let dd know well in advance, so she'll have time to line up childcare, etc.

Also, besides skyping or ft, send or bring back souvenirs for the kids. That way, part of your traveling will be connected to them.

I can totally understand you not wanting to be away from your grandchildren for 3-4 months Minalta. I would be exactly the same. Although we not in the position to be-able to travel for any great length of time (we can almost manage a week, once a year) I could not bear not seeing the little ones for 4 months. My feelings have nothing at all to do with responsibility (I know they are not my children) it is to do with love and commitment for the family as a whole. I am sure you could reach a compromise that keeps everyone (including yourself) happy.

Likewise I totally agree with Cherrytree59 . I too look after my DGC quite a lot and have had them 2 days (and more) virtually every week since they were only weeks old (they are 10,8 and 7)I have also spent a lot of the last 10 years looking after my grandma (who passed away late 2015 aged 99) and then my mum who also passed away April 2016. There is no way I could have left them "to get on with it" so to speak. How could I even begin to enjoy a holiday when I would spend my time worrying about their welfare?

Yes Spain will always be there. It will still be there when your DGC start school. Do what your heart tells you is the right thing to do.

I know exactly how you feel and I do not think you are being unreasonable. I would be heartbroken to leave my close family for months at a time. I know of several situations where men pushed for a move away from family or long travel trips and they never went well. In one case a husband and wife moved to the west country and a couple of years had to move back to be near the grandchildren. Unfortunately, it is more expensive to live in the east and the couple lost a large house to return to a small one.

Perhaps a compromise could be reached of a trip a little shorter than months at a time.

Gillybob

A friend of mine had a similar delimma. Her husband for years wanted to take a cruise but there was always some reason they couldn't go. Her son had twin boys and another boy with spina bifida and she felt she had to stay. Sadly her husband passed away without fulfilling his dream, the sick grandson unfortunately died and the other two just grew up. She then remarried and with her new husband has experienced many cruises which she takes "in her first husbands memory" because he would have so liked to go! What a waste, instead of building memories when she could she is taking holidays almost as a penance! Must be great for the present husband too! Don't get into that trap, you may end up with only regrets.

We thought we would like to go away for several months at a time after retirement, but in reality (for us anyway), we missed our home, family and friends and our gym membership! Unfortunately no grandchildren. It all sounds good on paper but when you are away for long periods of time, you can't go out every day/night and can get bored too! (although when I was working I wouldn't have believed that!).

We find 2 to 3 weeks is more than enough and we're ready to come home. After a couple of week's I'm itching to go away again! However I feel sure if we had grandchildren to spoil, that wouldn't be the case.

Obviously we're all different as we know people who go away for two months at a time travelling and they love it! However nice the accommodation is, that we stay in, after a while I want my own things at home.

If you didn't give it a try at least once, you will never know and will always wonder. Try a month first, even if you decide these trips away are for you - a month isn't too bad not seeing the family.