Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.

Never heard of Yelling Rhinestone so can't help you there I'm afraid. Oh dear, you really must learn to take more water with your. When it's better you'll have to post us a picture of your two good feet/ankles in a pair of glamorous shoes; just be careful about walking around in them.

Yes Yogagirl stockholm syndrome is applicable in a lot of these cases I think as is 'better the devil you know'.

Very posh Smileless - will you be offering B&B?

Oh yes, but only to our friends so you'd be more than welcome eddie.

Yelling is in Huntingtonshire

I posted the below on the wrong thread, so have C&P here too. That's the problem with having multiple threads on the same subject I remember another poster couldn't understand where her posts had disappeared to, yet was getting replies from them on another

Yogagirl Wed 03-May-17 09:30:02
5days till my beloved little GD Birthday, she will be 7yrs old, I last saw her when she was 2.5yrs, she was so bright, so articulate, so funny, so loving, I hope all of these things she still is, but I fear that with mental abuse [tried to think of another name than abuse].... Because my GS was slow, they blamed my GD, saying that because she was so quick with everything it made him slow in my book it's the opposite, a bright older sibling will pull up the younger one. My family were so shocked when I suddenly started counting up to 20 when I was a tiny tot, taught by my older sister

Just watched Horizon about people who have a mental problem like sycosis, trying to get a handle on my s.i.l, but he is not like them in the film, he doesn't hear voices [as far as I know], so I think he is a paranoid narsist and maybe not what I have always said, which is a narsistic paranoid schizophrenic, all down to his drug taking!

Madeleine McCann has been gone 10yrs today! I have her hard back book sitting by my bed, bought & read it years ago, when it first came out, don't know why I have left it there, but I look at that little girls face and I do think, if God won't answer her parents prayers to have her returned to them after all this time, how is he going to answer mine

Hi, remember me? Interested to hear your opinions. I've got to a point in my therapy where I'm beginning to feel strong enough to 'hand back' the pain of my sexual abuse/neglect to my father. We were involved with the police at the time but he wasn't charged. The police are now re-opening the case to look at it. I have written (but not sent) a letter to his current wife, introducing myself, telling her about the lifelong battle I've had with suicidal feelings/ptsd on account of the neglect I suffered. I also wrote that he admitted everything in a phone call I recorded years ago (true). I want to drop the hurt and pain he caused back in his lap. She'll find out eventually anyway, so why not post my letter & let her hear it from the horses mouth, rather than his doctored version of events. If she leaves him fine, if she stays by him, her loss. So tell me why I shouldn't send it.

Obviously you must do what you feel is best for you; but I wonder if you do post it, will this lead to her questioning your version of events? I am sure you would find this very hurtful. Do you want to find yourself battling with her as well as everything else you are coping with?

Everything you tell us about ed's situation, Yoga, is so sad, particularly as it may be affecting gd. My heart goes out to you once again.

Jammy, I understand why you wrote that letter. What does your therapist think about your sending it? Is this form of "giving back" the pain just a matter of removing it from your own heart or is it about getting revenge? I don't blame you for wanting that (if you do), and he certainly deserves it. Please remember that you would be hurting this innocent woman too, however. Does that matter to you?

Then again, maybe you would be saving her, idk. And maybe, as eddiecat suggests, she won't believe you. She's more than likely to show it to him and believe whatever way he spins it.

I think it's good that you wrote the letter and got all that out. But I'm not sure f you should send it. Again, besides asking us, please check with your therapist.

Jammytoast others advice is good and important, especially your therapists and Starlady above...

Remember not to leave yourself open to more hurt by maybe expecting understanding from areas it will not come from such as his current wife.

Remember as well as understanding and healing, your boundaries and maintaining them are as important.

Good luck and good healing

Jammytoast I am with starlady I have written letter to xxx telling her (my ed) that I am so sad and shocked at dreadful way she treated us involving police and getting me arrested and wonder how she sleeps at night and hownsad and lonely I am without her but I then put them in drawer,

It is totally different for you but in my opinion don't destroy their marriage it won't make you feel any better, what's done is done but just my opinion,

It wouldn't matter to me if she believed me or not as there are historical police & medical records. Of course I wouldn't send it without speaking to my therapist first. It was therapy 'homework'. Well to write to him, not her but I did both anyway. I'm calmer today. I'll make sure I hold off doing anything until after I've spoken to the therapist about it. I just need to take back my strength & not feel like a victim any more. He's walking around scot-free without a care in the world.

Smile less, your balcony sounds amazing, what a good job you moved it was the best thing you could have done.
Jammy, I wouldn't send the letter, eventually he will be found out, it won't make you feel any better if it causes trouble, he will be forgiven by his wife anyway, she will believe him. I would run it through your therapist and not make any impulsive gestures. The best revenge is a happy life.
Yogagirl, I know how you feel, it's almost a physical pain, the missing your beautiful granddaughter, but in your case the worry that she is being treated well must be so hard and I really wish there was something you could do. At least I know mine is well and happy. One day she will come looking for you and you can show her your memory box.
Celebrgran, hope you are feeling a little better.?
Rhinestone, I sent find Yelling, but will keep looking. Hope your foot is getting better?

Sorry, should have been cant find Yelling, not sent Yelling.

Rhinestone, you might know this already. But Zyelling is in Cambrudgeshire. 10 miles from Huntington, 6 miles from St Neots. L

LuckylegsThank you. I did find that out but wondered if any of you knew anything about the town or area. Also how far is it from London.

Hi Rhinestone
It is about 73 miles. Can be reached by train via Cambridge from London I think. Are you thinking maybe of going there? Wouldn't that be exciting! I am thinking of going to the little village where my maternal great grandmother came from this year, I have always wanted to go but kept putting it off, it is by Windsor Castle so would be good for a weekend.x

Thank you Starlady & Luckylegs I hope I'm wrong about the emotional abuse. I saw a terrible video yesterday, about a family that makes money with their prank videos on their C, you may have seen it as there is a big out-cry about the harm they are doing to the C and the parents thinking it's funny! They seemed to target the little foster C, it was awful, he got so distress! The little boy & his sister are now back with their birth mother, but it made me think of my GD, I'm sure it wouldn't be anything like that, but just small put-downs can have a big effect on a little girl!

Jammy Good you got your emotions out in your letter to your father. Only thing I am concerned with is has his new wife small Children? If so, than maybe your letter would save them from the same abuse.

Yogagirl, didn't see the programme, I get so upset watching anything like that, innocent children who just need loving and guidance with bad people. It's all about control. You have done all that is humanly possible to be with your granddaughter, you have to look after yourself now, for when one day your granddaughter makes contact. She will see how you are, how you live and make up her own mind. It might take time. In a few years you can write to her, when she's old enough to deal with her own mail or perhaps contact via Facebook when she is older. . Know it's hard for you.?

I kind of weaken and feel like telling myned about. Ymmajormop ironicallynthe hospital Ismail very close to her and m s i law is an ambulance technician?

I also want to mention our ruby wedding
I a. Not well enough for big party but we are going away and link up with Smilelss first can't wait.
Gosh your new home does sound lovely by the way smileless.

However all my friends say please don't write it will on oh hurt you all over again being ignored any thoughts ladies ?

Lucklegs you,started something off I have now joined the suport group run by Joshua Coleman it's quite a vetting process which is good.
However I am unlikely post much as feel have move on from keep going through it all hence I wanted this thread focus on moving forwards,

Well my dear twin turned up rang first 9pm wed, wanted bed for night left his stuff here, went back to xxxxxlast night oh dear if only he would get his own place. Worry about him, dh cooked him eggs and chips I just can't stand, it was kind dh.

Hope post understood typos?

I meant telling ed about my operation as Also hospital v close to her house and s i law is ambulance technician far as we know

However she wasn't interested when dh wrote told her we had call ambulance before Xmas so guess I am extremely stupid.

Celebregran, hope very much it helps you. He is very much for respecting boundaries, never seeing yourself as a victim. He was estranged for many years and is now reunited.

You said you weren't going to send your letters until you'd talked it over with your therapist Jammy and I thing that's very wise. Personally, I'd seriously consider sending your father's to him but not one to his wife. Did your therapist say why s/he suggested you write to his wife? Forgive my curiosity but it just struck me as rather odd.

As the police are considering reopening the case it might be worth having a word with them first too. I'm glad that you've felt calmer having written them, like Celeb I've written several to our ES but never sent them. They were written with the intention of being posted but once I'd gotten things off my chest I didn't feel the need to send them on.

Understood you post Celeb so no worries. I don't think contacting your ED again is a good idea. I know you wont be expecting a response but that doesn't mean that you're not hoping for one and will be hurt again when she doesn't reply.

Feeling worn out today. Been at the gym this morning and my trainer worked me hard againI'd only just recovered from Tuesday's session so dread to think how stiff I'll be in the morning.

Got a beautiful bouquet of roses today from Mr. S. for my birthday and such a lovely card that the words made me cry.

Yes Luckylegs moving was the best thing we could have done. It was our 6 month anniversary in our new home yesterday It doesn't seem possible that it hasn't been that long as we're so settled and happy.

Hope your foot is getting better Rhinestone. That sounds awful Yogagirl I'm glad I didn't watch it. Since our estrangement I just can't watch things like that anymore. I even find it almost impossible to watch the appeals for ill and starving children these days.

double up ladies one of each for my birthday and one of each because it's Friday.

Spot on smileless and I do value your opinion very much I won't waste my time ??

celebgran right, wise to write the letter, and wise to bin it rather than post.

Smileless my trainer wears me to a wafer, truly knackered.

An hour and I feel better for it, do you feel better later?