Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.

Men are authoritative and commanding but never bossy! (Yeah right!)

I think bossy can Mean Being overpowering and controlling so I can see that would make a relationship difficult.

However to read up a whole family as in my case for whatever reason seems such a harsh action and my so very extreme.

The years of tears and heartbreak and so much missed ref 2 little ones born we have never seen and one we loved and knew cut off from how can that be justified?
All we ever wanted was to be loving parents and grandparents?

CelebgranI forgot to add that my daughter got a gene from me and one from her dad for a tendency to blood clot. She has to be careful when on an airplane and had to give herself blood thinner shots when pregnant. Neither my X husband or myself have that gene . We just passed it on. There is a test to see if a person has it and maybe that could have happened to your ED.

If a man is bossy he is successful. If a woman is she is called a bch

All the comments on bossy that have been made ...exactly! Maybe in some people's heads it does mean overpowering and controlling as you say celebgran...either way, sad for you in your situation with your family.

Thanks madgran and rhinestone ???

Interesting as of course we have noncontsct so genetic testing wouldn't been done for ed. thanks for that rhinestone

I went on line looking at videos of the counsellor mentioned talking to a daughter who had severed contact for 7 years, because her mother had asked her a question about her sister, the daughter had written to her mother,braying how much she hated her and wanted her to respect her wishes of never making contact again. 7 years later she was saying it was the best decision she had ever made, didn't dare if her mom was alive or dead. For some reason she was in the video with the doctor and the girls mother, although the daughter had no real reason, I felt myself understanding for the first time where she was coming from. Whatever her reasons, in her head she was right and had no doubts, hard on the mom I know. I have never understood my estrangement either, but seeing that young woman I realised that from the beginning I should have put myself in my daughters shoes, there doesn't have to be a cause it's a way out. I don't know
what followed, I tried to find out but no luck. It made me really face up to the fact
this how my daughter feels, whatever I had tried to do would have made no difference, I had just been outgrown for want of a better word.


she had no regrets,

Lucklegs where her mum dies it will be imposssible not to have some regrets surely? Even when we have a caring relationship with close family when they die we query what we have or have t done or rather most people do

Seldom are decisions black and white all right or all wrong

I agree Celeb, it is such a cold thing to do. I always thought there must be feelings like I have and most other people, but this young woman was so sure she was right, no emotion, no guilt about her mom, just free, I wonder how many tears her mom has shed, like us not a day will have passed without her grieving. There are no answers. I was sitting here yesterday and started to cry for what once was and thinking how long can I stand this, the phone rang it was a friend of mine and we chatted and had a few laughs, she said thanks for cheering me up, it was me that had been crying but of course she didn't know that, so glad there are people like her in my life and the forum.

Oh lucklylegs you are so breve and how wonderful you have good friends. And try cheer them up!

Been long day for. Me dh work and I got bit low wanting tell xxx about operation but mynfriends say don't waste your time and I agree

Then my ds just.
Messaged me about sky ping a d dh home msnafed struggle do few chores so glad still got my ds if. Not would struggle x

What a very sad story Luckylegs I think these Doctors have a lot to answer for! How nice how your friend cheered you & you cheered her up, she must have got the vibe you needed her. little more cheer for you.

Interesting post LuckyLegs. I guess it does help to come to the realisation that the person who has done the cutting off feels, absolutely, that they are right.
Is it possible that the daughter in the video was full of bravado or maybe that she was harbouring a grudge from her childhood?

My experience of estrangement relates to my sons partner of seven years. She initiated the estrangement two years ago. Realistically, it should have been DH and me that cut her out because, in hindsight, she bullied us. When she said 'jump' we said 'how high?' Of course I understand that this estrangement, 'awkward' though it is because we still see our DS and DGS, we are not suffering real pain like estranged parents are. I sincerely believe that my sons partner has a personality problem, part of which is very low self esteem (they often bully as a form of defending before being 'attacked.' In the past few months she has put out 'feelers' and made very tentative contact through my son. However we cannot go through all the wild accusations, lies and insults again. Thus, we remain quiet. Can you blame us?

Further thoughts ..

Maybe the daughter in the video just disliked her mother and had looked for an excuse to cut her off. My mum went through her whole life cutting off family and friends. I remember one woman who was wonderful to my mum when my stepdad was dying at home. She cooked, cleaned, shopped and even helped my mum attend to his physical needs Several months later my mum moved but failed to tell the friend. The poor lady was devastated when she discovered what had happened. Her distress meant nothing to my mum.

No I don't blame you Fairydoll you keep it as it is,wish it was so for me. And like yours, my s.i.l & his mother have a severe personality disorder, none stop lying! Why my once lovely D stays with him, I really do not know! She even said to me, way before this estrangement; " mum, I never know when J is telling the truth or lying, his always lying!" that's drugs for you!

Strange yogagirl that your ed puts up with lies etc she mustmcsre for him lots

Fairydoll so pleased that you can still see your son and grandchildren??can understand why your prefer not to get too involved again with d i law at least she doesn't prevent you seeing children,

Lucklylegs forgot to say ???hope you feeling better and there is always one of us here for you,

Fairydoll your mum sounds like she was very hard

I have so many letters, cards and photo albums thaf showed my ed havehappy childhood but god knows where she got idea she was abused,

It hurts so much to think how hard I tried always put kids first, made sure I was there after school, suported them totally it cuts to the quick to think she never appreciated that.

She would be like daughter In Video not caring if we alive or dead,

So, so sad Celeb

Yogagirl. There may yet come a time when your daughter cannot be controlled any longer and breaks free. She can't be happy in the relationship but probably very dependant on 'J''. It may not always be so.

Such heartbreaking stories on here. Makes me feel very humble.

Dependent not dependant!!!

Here we go again but this time no breakage. I just tore and bruised something in my toe. I have been in pain for two weeks and finally saw the doctor today. Two more weeks in this shoe. It can't hold a candle to Smileless's shoes though.

Imo, that's a profound thought, Luckylegs - despite the pain they've caused, estranged ac may think they are 100% in the right. It must be hard for eps to face this possibility, I'm sure it would be for my estranged friends. But, imo, it's very likely the case with many ac.

It's hard for me to believe, however, that they never feel any pangs at all/never miss the co parents. Maybe some don't. Perhaps the girl in the video was one of them - very cold or very hurt, somehow, by her mum, even if she didn't say so. Or as Fairydoll suggests, maybe she just wasn't admitting to any regrets.

Yoga, it's hard for me to understand why someone would stay with someone else who "lies all the time." Maybe celeb has it right (love) or maybe Fairydoll does (too dependent on him). I can't imagine!

Celeb, your ed accused you of abuse? I don't recall reading that before, but, of course, I haven't read everything since I haven't been here that long. What a shock that must have been to you and dh after all the years of love and support (not just financial)! How awful!

Fairydoll, I don't blame yu and dh, either, for wanting to keep things as they are. You're probably better off without dil in your lives.

Rhinestone - Ouch! Hope you feel better soon!

Rhinestone, that look might catch on. Hope it heals soon.
I have been trying to find the follow on programme to that video why would the daughter and mother be on it with a doctor if it wasn't for reconcilliation I can't imagine. Was it just to show her mother that she really can't stand her and wants the world to know? Was it bravado and she did care? Need to find out, if I do will let you have link.

I found a further 3 videos following on from that first. The mother was awful, she was an abusing drug user, who bought different men home, she had beaten her daughter so that she had lost hearing in one ear, she has been left with other medical issues, no wonder the daughter appeared cold, she was just controlled, holding it together, my heart went out to her, she had kept that woman away from her own children so their childhood could be calm. I think it was the right and brave thing to do. The final video the whole family was working at reconciliation. In this instance and others like it, no contact was right. If I was that abused daughter I don't really think I would want to resume contact. It is as far removed to how I was with my own children as it could be. If anyone wants to view them, they are under the Dr Phil, counselling videos, but I won't be watching anymore.
Hope everyone has a great day.

You poor thing Rhinestone, is it the same foot? If so perhaps your previous accident has left you with a weakness. No point in me passing on to you any of my shoes, I dread to think what a state you'd get into if you wore any of them. Hope it gets better soon and isn't too painful.

Any one who has cut someone out and believes they are absolutely right for doing so, isn't going to want to try and sort things out so that explains a lot I think. Wouldn't explain why lies are told as for the reason(s) or why no reason is given at all though.

Well we had a busy day yesterday. Mr. S. finished building the glass balconette for our roof terrace and it looks amazing. The reason I wanted it was so I could let my cat out without worrying about him going over the wall if he jumped onto it. The wall's only about 4' high and the roof terrace is on the second floor of our house so you can understand why I was worried.

We were going to get one of the men who works for us to give him a hand lifting the 4 large, thick and very heavy panes of glass into place, but I could see Mr. S. was itching to get it finished so I said we'd give it a go between us. It was a bit of a heart stopping moment as each was lifted into place, not to mention physically exerting but we did it. Good job I go to the gym.

So, at great expense he now has probably one of the most amazing cat pens ever. The added advantages are that it will give quite a bit of shelter from the wind, make it even more of a sun trap and looks really quite classy. All I need to do now is persuade Mr. S. to buy the hot tub I've seen and we'll be all set. Not sure he's going to go for it bless him, even though I've pointed out it'll be good for his aches and pains.

Well done Smileless all sounds lovely! My ND has a hot tub, they are in it all the time, they say it's very relaxing, so get in there

Bad luck Rhinestone in doing your other foot in , hope it mends quickly

Thank you Fairydoll Celebgran & Starlady* My ND & I think it's 'Stockholm syndrome', as well as him convincing her he would keep the C & home if she left, which is what he did in the first place to her!

SmilelessWow that sounds amazing having a glass balconette. You remind me of us as we are always doing as much as we can ourselves. Not it was the opposite four from the ankle I broke. I was leaning my office and wasn't watching where I was going and a table leg got in the way of my last tie and the one next to it. It seems more painful than the break in the ankle.
So I was doing our genealogy yesterday and see that most of my husbands grandmothers family is from Yelling. I got online and saw that they were born , baptized and married there. Does anyone know about that town or how far it is from London.? You could pm me if you like.
Wonder if any of those ancestors were estranged from their family.