How much should we tell them of health issues

I didn't tell my C about my BC until I knew myself even though I spent 2weeks on holiday with them all
while waiting for the results.
They knew I was suffering with my knee as I couldn't keep it from them. All major things are kept until known and minor things kept quiet for ever.

It depends, because we are often asked to help out or go and visit or go for a meal/tea and biscuits etc.All the DC live close to us.So, if I have a cold/cough ( like at the moment, since you ask, cough, sniff.) then I do say so, as I may not feel up to it, and don't want to pass germs on either.They all tell us both serious and trivial health issues, and I guess we do the same.

I have a bit of a situation going on regarding this. After many years of being very overweight and, with several health issues creeping in associated with it. I finally took the advice of a Bariatric consultant and had a gastric sleeve performed on the NHS. I haven't told my son or DIL as I know they would judge me and consider me a failure and that I've taken the easy way out. Also, I feel such a procedure is private. I'm sure a lot of you will agree with them and that's fine but I can assure you, it is definitely not the easy route!

I love a moan about niggly tings but if it were anything truly dreadful, I would prefer to keep that to myself.

No, not the everyday niggly things but if anything serious happens then yes.

grannysyb if anyone asked MIL how she was they got a long and detailed account of every ailment and niggle, you could see people's eyes glaze over!
She said 'if someone asks "how are you?" why say you're fine if you're not really!'

No, I never divulge my ongoing health to my sons. They have enough going on in their lives without me adding even a background niggle to their lot. I once had the misfortune to be spotted in hospital by a mutual friend. Son 2 was on the phone immediately and a little hurt until I put forward my reasoning. All sorted now with both of them in agreement. Promised to let them know if I've died by direct zap!

My Mother always has something wrong with her, the tiniest twinge is reported in every detail constantly. I am afraid she was pretty much ignored most of the time, until she had gall stones. It was pointed out to her that if she wasn't always complaining about imaginary ills it could have been treated sooner(by her GP).
She is now 98 frail but healthy, I hope I am not tempting fate writing this.
When I had to have my heart op the first thing she did was go to her GP with chest pains, my condition is hereditary and as her GP pointed out I am adopted so she was not likely to have the condition, he sent her for tests and her heart is very healthy.
Sorry to go on a bit, but I wonder how much her 'ailments' have cost the National health over the years.

My husband has had some major problems, which our family have been involved in, as they all live close, and are very supportive
I worry that seeing our problems at close hand, will make them apprehensive about their own futures. When we were their age, our parents all lived a long way away, and we never thought about the day-to-day aspects of the ageing process!

rosieonline hope the operation is a success. Good luck.

felice I shouldn't laugh, but I smile when I remember my mum. Hear of an illness? She had a "touch" of it. Remember her hearing somebody had a brain tumour. Guess who had a headache?
Sadly she could not have foretold the years of infirmity she was to face with PD and increasing immobility because she had ignored hammer toes. Poor mum, she eventually predeceased Dad in the end despite his heart condition.

As others have said, I wouldn't bother with the niggles, aches, pains etc but do share anything major.
I've had three hip replacements and both children knew about the ops and the rehab, but not the arthritis I have in my hands and other joints which cause day-to-day discomfort.
Best of all, I've just been diagnosed with a brain tumour (meningioma). I was going to keep quiet until I'd seen the neurologist, but daughter asked if I'd had the results of my scan and it was easier just to tell her. I'm now keeping everyone fully updated as I find it helps with their worries that they know I'm not keeping anything from them.

I only talked to DC when I got a definite diagnosis of a serious illness. DH has had tests and procedures and an MRI this morning but DC know nothing of his problems, following so close after my illness I fear they will be upset.
This week blood tests showed that I need further investigations and I discussed it with DC yesterday but played down the importance.
I think that we feel the need to protect them from the harsh realities of illness in old age.

DD just reminded me what happened last week, DGS was in the garden and saw me through the window, I was having a wee snooze on the sofa.
He went in and told his Mum I was dead, when I asked why she did not come down to check, she said ,,,Mum you would have texted me,,,,duh, yes she is blonde.

bionicwoman and harrigran

Sometimes dh and I have to tell dd about a little cold or whatever if she asks us to watch her kids. Otherwise, we keep the nigglies to ourselves. I don't even tell dh about all my nigglies, lol! If something serious comes up, that's a different matter.

Best wishes, merlotgran and Rosieonline.

harri best wishes for you both xx

I've had a spate of bad health with two emergency hospital admissions, so I keep my sons informed of any health issues I have now, because I think it's less of a shock if anything turns serious!

I agree about not going on and on about health, but I'd want to know if they had anything wrong with them so I assume the same applies the other way.

My children are in their 20s, and I had to tell them about the three potentially-terminal diagnoses I've had.
I am the happiest person I know, luckily, so I never mention any of my health issues and niggles. I still smile [inside] when they complain to me about their cough, or a headache, or other minor things, because it means they are not treating me as anything other than a Mum. [I am permanently in a wheelchair now.]
The one thing I hate is when my own Mum or other visitors say "Aren't you looking well!" when I am frankly feeling awful! <grin>
But that is another issue...

Hi Dewy5 - I know exactly what you mean. I also have two sons - one nearby with family, the other an hour away and single. In my experience, they worry more if you suddenly present them with a fait accompli and they don't like to find out after you've been ill/in hospital/had a procedure. I don't worry mine with day-to-day aches and pains, but keep them posted if I or my husband develop something which requires regular treatment or investigation. We're not asking for help but keeping them abreast of the situation - I wouldn't want them to feel guilty just because they didn't know what we were going through.

Best wishes to you and dh, harrigran!

Good luck with the results today merlot - I sympathise, my husband was eventually diagnosed with heart failure last year, leading to almost a month in hospital. It was very unexpected but could easily have been life threatening so I did let my children know, in as non-frightening a way as I could.

Fortunately he has responded well to the high doses of drugs he is taking now - he almost rattles as he walks! In our case it is a problem that could be inherited so it would have been essential to tell them in any case.

Like most other posters I wouldn't bother to tell them about niggly stuff either, unless we needed help.

It sounds to me as if you are very aware, dewy5 and wouldn't over-burden anyway.
I find it really hard to tell mine anything at all about our health. I even made my DH do it when I was hospitalised with shingles.

Our daughter in New York has been having awful problems as they were unable to move in to their new apartment, because the builders over ran massively and so they were homeless for several weeks and had to put the dogs in the doggy hotel and stay with various friends. As they had so much on their plate, I didn't tell them that I have a largish thyroid operation coming up in a couple of weeks, but I did tell our daughter yesterday now that they have moved in as I felt she ought to know.

I had a minor op last week and mentioned it afterwards to my sons. Both wanted to know why I hadn't told them before. I reckon whatever we do we can't win.