How much should we tell them of health issues

Sending good wishes to those of you with difficult diagnoses or awaiting test results.

There is a balance to be struck when talking with our children, as I know they would be very angry if we kept anything from them that was impinging on our lives. I think it is possible to be honest without wingeing.

For years my mother never told me when there as anything wrong with her. I usually found out when my Dad rang to say she was in hospital. She used to try to ignore it if there was anything wrong with her- which unfortunately resulted in several emergency admissions to hospital and operations that could have been avoided if she'd seen her Dr sooner. Usually I had to rush to the hospital as it was touch and go that she'd survive. As I lived about three or fours travel away by train and bus and had two small children it would have helped to have known she wasn't well. At least I could have had an emergancy plan. When I was a child she had regular migraines and couldn't really be left alone at these times, so as Dad had to go to work I would stay off school for the day to look after her. The next day she would give me a note for the teacher saying I had been unwell!

I barely mention the day to day stuff and have never had an in depth conversation about my serious health issue. Nor with my husband either! There's a very lovely nurse at our Gp practice and I suppose she's the only person I confide in with respect to health issues. Thank God for Nurse Laura!!

Thanks everyone, Have I had my eyes opened ! Always thought I said "I was fine" and didn't realise I rabbited on a bit. Certainly taught me a lesson I think we all are doing well. I willbe in future.

Got to agree with most comments, re. don't overdo things medical etc. My mother had poor health and I remember trying to start a phone conversation without ' How are you today'!! Whilst reading these posts got a call from DGS and just remembered in time to give the right answer to the same question!! Don't ever want to seem so needy that the family feel guilty.

Sending good luck wishes to all with recent diagnoses and waiting for results ?

My mother with her 'very strong character; was a 'get on with it'type.
Although during my childhood illness's apart from my chickenpox at the age of 11 years when she left my father in charge so she could visit some distant relatives I was well looked after.
How ever from my early teens it became obvious that she was of the opinion I made a fuss over nothing.Fortunately for me I never had anything other than we women 'inconveniences' and a few colds.
I do believe that this get on with it can stay with you and although I may be in much pain which I do suffer with osteo arthritis and bouts of IBS, very uncomfortable, I never let on although would love some TLC now and then.Which I would have received from my 'very much miss' DH.

A tricky one. I used to be a don't say anything until you have the answers type, but I was roundly told off when they discovered their dad was having fits. The charge was that we hadn't given them the opportunity to support us and that as adults they do not need protecting! It's fairly obvious DH also has a knee problem as he can't walk far so no hiding that one :-) I don't tell them about the small stuff though. It's probably a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't!

My DH is getting rather frail and I felt DS was spending very little time with him/us, so I did start to tell him of some of the problems. I also feel saddened watching DH slowly decline, but did not want DS to feel regret if anything happens and he had not shown interest or spent time with his father. After all, I think one can regret what you didn't do, or opportunities missed, when something happens to a parent; I didn't want him to feel that.
DS is much more accepting of the situation of DH's decline, has been supportive and even taken him for a hospital check-up to relieve me; he does say he would be cross if he felt I had not kept him in the loop. I still feel guilty though, trying not to be a burden or cause him any more problems when he has a busy job, works long hours and has 2 very young children. Same old problem - don't want to be a burden to our children?

Mm it is a tricky one to get right isn't it? Growing up I heard many elderly (probably not really so elderly!) folks say, when asked how they are, either "mustn't grumble" or "can't complain". I was caught out recently though. Younger DD who lives a few hours away, has had chronic health problems since a teenager (you wouldn't know if you met her!) and married to a doc, rang unexpectedly and asked how we are. I had just had the second of two scans so answered without thinking, all done, results in a couple of weeks! Of course, what is is all about?! She has not asked any further though. . . . .

My daughter made me promise to tell her anything important and I know she tells me of anything that may be a worry, as does my son.
Apart from that we are a "get on with it" sort of family.
I wish I'd been more sympathetic of the general aches and pains that my parents suffered from though. But they were "get on with it" sorts too

Possibly if it's life threatening or something that might run in families - eg glaucoma,
High blood pressure etc i might mention it. But generally they have more than enough to worry about!

Interestingly, my DD has been pestering me to give her a list of the various things I have experienced in recent years because she realises that most of them my mother experienced as well. She wants to know what she has to look forward to!
I do agree that small things are kept to yourself but as we all travel so much more nowadays, possible problems that are not declared on travel insurance by them as well as you can so easily invalidate your/their insurance if you need to claim.

Apart from telling them about anything life threatening I just say I'm fine and soldier on. As I had breast cancer when they were just young children and recently had to tell them it's the hereditary sort, I think they've been through enough upset to last a lifetime! And there's nothing more boring to listen to than other folks health niggles, is there?

I mention ailments in passing but don't go into a lot of detail e.g. if my DD ask if I have been to gym I might say I love going but iv'e had a couple of bad asthma attacks recently so have not been to gym for the last week. Then move on to talk about something else. However if I or my DH had anything serious we would tell DC straight away. I would want to know if my DH parents, my own parents have both passed on. My own Mum had cancer and she did not tell me or any of my siblings for quite a while and when she did eventually tell us we were hurt she had not told us straight away as the thought of her going through it alone was awful.

No, I never say anything to my sons. Nothing much to say, fortunately, just a few minor procedures over the years and mild age-related conditions.

However I do tell my sister, in a 'moan over lunch' sort of way.

I am careful in what I do say to DD as her OH has Fibromyalgia + other health problems, much worse than my aches & pains. DD is aware of my Epilepsy & Diabetes Type 2 but apart from anything serious I keep my health worries to myself. If I'm having tests I wait & see what the results are.

I also have my DM (she is 88) to consider, I know she worries about me but her & DD do talk, I try to keep things quiet but it's not easy. Also I worry about DM & DD, & so it goes on

I wanted to know when my parents were seriously ill so yes, I would tell my kids.

DH and I don't make a big fuss about anything but we do try to keep our son in the loop so to speak. He is a doctor anyway and it can be a big help to get his professional opinion on test results etc. If either of us had a major problem I would email/text him rather than wait until I see him next.

I never mention any health problems, however, when my husband had a heart attack couple of years ago, it was a bit hit or miss whether he was going to make it. Initially, I didn't tell my children, as it was near Christmas and we weren't planning on visiting them that year. When discussing the situation at work, they all voted unanimously, that they would want to know if a parent was seriously ill.
I did ended up telling them and they visited just after Christmas, but like you I didn't really want them to worry, though they both said, they would have been upset that they wouldn't have been given the choice.

Thanks for the good wishes yesterday. Now we just have to wait for the results of DH's echocardiogram.

What I didn't tell the family when they asked for an update was that while paying the greedy car park machine, I was so keen to scoop up my change from a £10 note I neglected to take the ticket. You can't get out without it so I had a long trek to customer services in order to throw myself on their mercy.

They were brilliant. Thank goodness for number plate recognition, CCTV etc.

Hope you don't have to wait too long for the results merlot
I once parked at a hospital at night & lost the ticket you needed to put in the machine to raise the barrier to get out. I had had to park a long way away from the hospital building, quite near to a side exit. I CBA to walk all the way back to the main building and managed to drive my car up a slope of grass and around the end of the barrier to make my escape

I mentioned to my adult children my heart issues that are an inherited trait. No fuss. A relative went apeshit at me, saying that I was always going on about how I could drop dead at any moment. I had never done/said anything of the sort. She then said that my children were under that impression. Obviously one needs to be clear and transparent about what one says.

I only tell about the big things too. Although sometimes I say I feel like the walking dead but will ressurect when I have another coffee

Would only tell if it was life threatening, otherwise my theory is the less it is spoken about, the sooner it will go away.