Bullying

Hi again, many thanks to everyone. I am going to try to develop my own life, and not to think too much about the things he does/says that make me feel so bad. I want to enjoy my twilight days without feeling useless, who knows those days might be spent in England, what a lovely thought!Watch this space!

Diddy1

Take courage - I lived with a now ex DH who built up the need to try and control every aspect of my life. In the end I was afraid of my own shadow and was over compensating all the time so as not to provoke his displeasure.

I got away. It took effort, help from friends and its taken years to get back my own 'power'. And being older it can be harder on your own - BUT joy of joys, I never sit in my own home tip toe-ing around someone else's behaviour and can flick the remote - my remote - around as much as I like.

It is possible to leave and have a better life. Just saying

sparkly me too for all us escapees x

It's so easy to give advice but some of it would be so difficult to execute. At 75 - after a lifetime of marriage - it's probably out of the question to pack up and leave to start all on your own. But learning to build a life for yourself which doesn't include him would be possible - it just takes a little determination and a changed outlook on how your view yourself and what you want your life to look like going forward from this point.

Push yourself to join new groups where couples are are not the focus of gatherings. The more you take yourself out of your comfort zone, then the more you'll establish your own identity and the more your own self esteem will grown to the point where you will be proud of yourself. I too have a controlling 78 year old husband who never gives up trying to control my plans for living - and nearly every other day there seems to be an issue that leads me to telling him "give it a break, if you don't know by now that it is impossible to control me, then I feel very sorry for you".

Make decisions for her own life and your own happiness within the confines of the situation you are living with - and take every opportunity to step out of his "control circle" ......lit will make you thick skinned at times, but you will be living this last period of your life on your terms and not on his.

f77ms too for all survivors...

pauline42 of course it would be difficult to leave after a long marriage, no matter how bullying it had got. But as I read all the other posts, I felt I needed to add one that it IS POSSIBLE to leave and set home on one's own, safe and free from control and meanness.

I am not saying anyone 'should' just wanted to say its possible.

And its such a relief to have survived a bad situation, and to have my life and choices back to anyone going through difficult moments and for those brave or able to leave.

Yes, I've got one of those.....just listen to this. I currently have our five grandchildren staying with us together with two of their parents. I have just laid the table for dinner (chicken and roast potatoes cooking in the oven) and for two of the younger kids have put out spoons and forks instead of knives and forks on the tablemats. Just saw my husband walk up to the table and proceed to change the place settings - his excuse (when I challenged him and said "what the hell are you doing") is that he wants them to sit where he chooses - not where I laid their places!

I just shook my head - waited for him to leave the room - and changed them back !

He'll never learn!

Simple just carry on doing what you want to do e.g. he turns off the tv and goes to bed you put it back on. No arguments, just do it and don't worry about his reactions, he is probably insecure deep down but will have to find a way of
saying so.

Seems to me these DHs are bored with naff all else to think about, so they constantly interfere with their spouses' activities for want of something better to do.

They need to get a life, don't they?

Blinko: "Seems to me these DHs are bored with naff all else to think about, so they constantly interfere with their spouses' activities for want of something better to do."
You're right there - husband just came in all excited saying you must watch this. Stretched in front of me while I was on the 'puter, no warning, cleared the screen and put on some american economics lesson, couldn't make sense of it. So switched it off.

TriciaF they seem to be out of the same mould, don't they? Lacking empathy, find it difficult to socialise and generally getting in the way... I expect there are exceptions, it's just a matter of whether you end up with one