Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.TWO

And Starlady isn't estranged from anyone, so

Me too Rhinestone I was up in the hour of 5am again, missing my beloved GD so, so much thinking that her stepfamily have/are having the joy of watching her grow, the nativity plays, sports day etc. and they don't love her, I hope they are very found of her, but they would not have the love that I & my ND have for her, as she is our GC/N and just a stepC to them

Thanks for sharing that Fairydoll re your paternal GP

Oh isn't that sad Fairydoll re post Thurs 19.28

Rhinestone I was a member on the FB egp page. It may not have been the same one, but yes the stories were heartbreaking, one mum who had both her D's estrange, jumped off the family home's roof and died. Other suicides and the founder died within two months of being diagnosed with brain cancer, which I think was caused by her ongoing grief of losing her only C&GS!

Celeb, can fully understand your reasons for wanting to contact your daughter, hope you resist the temptation, if you didn't hear back you would be much more upset before you have your operation, she already knows you are having one, her not replying won't help you through it. Perhaps, just accepting for now there is nothing you can do but knowing that miracles do happen. She is in a controlled relationship, how many times do we hear that people do break away from them, they just have to come to that decision themselves. So glad you have seen your sister, you have her, your husband and niece and so many people rooting for you including everyone on here. so Titanic lady, be kind to yourself, be positive, gave a good day.x?

Celebgran I have a friend that had pins put in her spine about 10yrs ago and she is doing really well. She is one of my students and came on one of my yoga retreats, she showed me her X-rays of her back, due to her coming on my yoga retreat and I was amazed, as she does so well in my yoga classes, only thing she can't do is back bends. I have another friends husband going in for this op on Monday, so I'll let you know how he gets on.
to cheer you.

That's right luckylegs re breaking away from a controlling husband/wife, look at scary spice, 10yrs estranged from her mum & sister [& prop rest of family] then when she 'woke-up' and left him, she reunited with her mum & sister

Yes lucklylegs will not write couldn't bear any more pain at moment feeling so e optional and sad,

Try and perk up we going collect Gra ring later and my second one!

I am always lower in morning and am getting pretty scared

Thanks yogagirl but all these ops are different I am having a cage to stabilise verterbrae also will be in theatre for 3 - 4 hours and in hospital a week still least.
So scary.
Then 6-8 weeks before can even lift a kettle.

With no close family to help pleased we organised a cleaner,

That was typo or predictive stupid text meant emotional of course

Celeband a BIG (((hug))), with all of the love and good wishes from everyone whose lives you've touched, you'll be OK. If you need somewhere to stay to help you recuperate and be waited on hand and foot just give me a call.

Yogagirl, not me, you are confused. I am married. My DH, both our parents also in our GC and GGC lives. Only sons.in.law have co to their mums.

Yes Yogagirl, look what a strong person Scary seemed, but it took her 10 years, think sometimes it's when they can see it affecting their own children, so those of you in that position, I guess the message is, enjoy your life whilst taking a back seat but never giving up hope.
Rhinestone, what sad stories people driven to suicide. That's why it's important to make a life for yourself, you had one before children, I know they change your life forever once born, but you leave all the doors open for reconciliation if and when they are ready. Those people must have got so down and into themselves that they had to do that, but surely life is precious and where there's life there's hope. Look at Madela in prison 27 years, then the life he made despite that.

Rhinestone that's so sad about your grandad passing alone and nearby...

celebgran thinking of you and your op being successful...with a good painfree recovery..

No it was Fairydoll who had the grandfather who passed alone.
Today I talked to my da who has a visit from his stepbrother, my ESS. My ESS told him his dad sent him a Father's Day card and my son told him," You need to call your dad." No reply back. ESS complained that he has a lot of problems with his MIL ( he used to like her) his wife and his three year old doesn't speak yet. So my son thinks he is not able to deal with his father because he has his own problems. He says that my ESS is selfish and very dysfunctional.
That's all I know and my son says my DH should just go over to his sons house and confront him. He thinks if we go for visitation then it will make things worse. He said when the boys get older he ( my son) will tell them the truth.

I hope they are very found of her, but they would not have the love that I & my ND have for her, as she is our GC/N and just a stepC to them

Yogagirl I am so sorry for your heartbraking story and how difficult life must be for you when you adore your GC so much. I understand as I am estrangled from my son, like you for no real reason that I can undertand. Reading your, and the other regular's posts, give me comfort that I am not alone.

However, I have highlighted your words above, and I have noticed you have said similar before. As a mother of four adopted children (now adult) and also now a foster carer looking after two children permantly, I feel so sad that you seem to believe genetics equals love,or maybe that with genetics you love them more. I don't doubt for a millisecond how you adore your GC, but I equally adore mine (and my children of course) and we do not share the same genes. I don't believe I could love my children and now grandchildren any more, they are my whole life. I am probably feeling a little fragile, and don't mean to be unkind, but your words have truly upset me. Not only do I not have any genetic offspring, all of my biological family have passed away. And I am thinkng do others feel as you do, do they believe that I cannot love them as biological parents and grandchildren do. We are in the middle of organising my wonderful daughter's wedding and doing the dreaded guest list. Your words are making me wonder if my future son in law's family will also believe they love our shared grandchildren more, because they are biologically connected. And worse, will our shared grandchildren love them more because they have the genetic link that I cannot. You may not have meant your words in the way I am interpreting them. I truly do not want to upset you, but I am thinking if your post has affected me so badly, it may also have affected others, and so I just wanted to point it out to you. I hope you understand this post, and I know I may be hypersensitive right now, but as I read your words I felt a bit of a genetic freak.

Cornishsue, I absolutely believe you can love your adopted children as much as I love mine. I bonded with my babies straight away, but that doesn't mean if I had adopted another child because I wanted one, he or she would be loved less. They are your chikdren, you have loved, guided and raised them. I think for a lot of adopted children they might want to find their biological family out of natural curiosity, but nothing will ever replace that family bond you have made. My d was so wanted and loved, yet she obviously has issues with me that she dies not or can't discuss with me to put right. Your family could well never have any such issues with you. So no one thinks you are any less of a mother because you didn't give birth. You are a loving mother full stop. Enjoy the wedding.

Welcome to this thread cornishsue and thank you for sharing.

It's a terrible thing to be estranged from a child that you love because they don't want you in their lives anymore and especially hard when you don't know the reasons(s) why. The pain is no different whether estrangement is with a child you gave birth too or adopted.

At the beginning of our estrangement, Mr. S. and I used to think of our GC being with his other GP's, doing all of the things that GP's do, the things we naturally assumed we'd be doing too; it was torture so we stopped thinking about it.

Knowing that the GC you can't see are bonding with their other biological GP's can make you feel unbelievably resentful even though you know you shouldn't feel that way.

I think it must be doubly hard for Yogagirl, knowing that her GD has no relationship with her but does with GP's who aren't related by blood, the very people who actively encouraged her ED to cut her out.

Weddings are stressful and emotional as well as joyful and no doubt your D's wedding is highlighting the pain of estrangement from your S and understandably so.

Enjoy the build up to what will be a wonderful day, even the dreaded guest list. You are a mum to the children you adopted and will be grandmother to any children they have. The old saying that 'blood is thicker than water' can't be right can it, look at all of us on this thread; our blood ties to our EAC didn't stop them kicking us out of their lives and their children's lives too.

Lucklylegs I had no idea your children were adopted, that's interesting.

My 2 close friends I met at toddler group when my ds was baby both adopted.

One friend was lucklylegs enough to have baby of her own after adopting son and twins.
We are still very close am driving spend day with her next week. I have asked her feelings about her natural daughter and grandsons she answered without hesitation she felt no different emtoions to her adopted ones the love as just as strong I hope that may help the poor lady who has been upset.

I am sure yogagirl did not intend to that is not her character she will be mortified.

It is difficult for someone like myself who fell pregnant the exact time I wanted to the exact month to fully understand heartache of being unable to conceive.
I sadly know all about the heartache of losing a daughter and being rejected,

Smilless what a lovely thing to say. I would take you up on that if you lived nearer??.

Well it's wet and cloudy here and thisnevneing friends have invited us for dinnner at their beach hut, storms forecast so we shall see!
Shame when we have had beautiful evenings.

Happy weekend all. X
,

Lucklylegs I know u will forgive me for that damn predictive typo!

Cornish sue ?Welcome from me too.
My oher friend has had lot problems with adopted children but she loves them and her grandsons just like her own and sadly like you has no biological family left.

It is interesting as my sister visiting this week first time for years for our anniversary was wonderful and I feel because she is my flesh and blood the bond is there from shared experiences and same lady my dear mummgsve birth to us
My twin and I are. MOre deeply connected but it still meant great deal to me her visit.

However my closest female friend and I share even deeper bond as she watches my back and is there all year round for me.

The support and love I have been shown on here is invaluable to me thanks so much ladies,

No I'm not confused Norah your 4D's cut out their husbands mum, dad and all, so you are the only GM and your m&D are grtgrndparents as are your in-laws, so no confusion.

Just lost a big posts Here's goes again:

Cornishsue I am so very sorry that my words upset you so, I really wouldn't do that for the world. I have no doubt you love your adoptedC with all of your heart & soul and they you, so I am truly sorry that I hurt you with my words.
To say sorry

I too had stepC, 4, the youngest was just a baby when I meet and then married her dad. His ex got pregnant to try to save their marriage, but this didn't work and they split before the baby was born. I loved my stepC, but not as I do my own & my GC, it is the genetic-pull. But Sue you have not experience this pull, so therefore your 'pull' for your adptC & their's for you, would be the same as mine, so take heart

Smileless Thank you for your in-put, you put it so well

My Aunt & Uncle adopted their 2 C, I remember it well, being introduced to the babies when I was a child, so my cousins. I have never given a thought to the word adopted. Went to both their weddings and the son has recently moved in with my aunt after my uncle's death, to help look after her, so good son!

Have to come in here before I put the hat on for my sons wedding! Both my parents died when I was a baby and I was adopted. Contact with my birth family was maintained so I had four sets of grandparents! I can honestly say that, although I was closer to some than others, genetics did not come into it in any way. For some the genetic pull is strong, for others it's the love and care that is freely given that makes a relationship. And even that doesn't always guarantee a close bond.
Over the years people have said some very hurtful things about my adoption but I just think they don't really understand because they haven't experienced it just how good it can be!

Celebregran, my children were not adopted, I gave birth to both of them, three years apart. X

TWO RELEVENT THINGS FOR THIS THREAD AT THE MOMENT;
sorry caps

My ND's best friend, that lied in the next street to us in our little village [since age of 11 when we returned to UK] Her mum couldn't have C, she adopted a baby girl, soon after fell pregnant with her own C [ND best friend]. The adopted D, years later, estranged herself & her C, from her mum, saying the mum loved the younger D more because she was her bio C. Exactly same thing happened to my M&D's neighbour, we were very close with them, they even came to my sister's wedding. The adopted Son was a hell-raiser and just up and left one day, never to be seen again! They were such a quite couple and their natural Son too, so must be in the genes.