siblings falling out

My siblings and I didn't get on particularly well growing up but we all do now we are grown up but nearly all of our respective children have fallen out and/or drifted apart. Our three (2 of mine 1 of his) have little or no contact with each other more than a Xmas card. We leave them to it trying to bring them together just didn't work. I have only one photograph of our three children together taken about 4 years ago. I think that's the last time they all met. They are all highly independent and quite happy and successful in their lives so we couldn't want more than that for them.

I can't tell you the last time I spoke to my sister. We have nothing in common. I tried but she ignored all my attempts so now I don't bother.

I had 3 sisters and we all got on very well ...most of the time .The two eldest used to argue about their favourite pop stars which led to them being put in seperate bedrooms.My young sister sort of abdicated from the family when my dad died.The only reason we could think of was she didn't want the resposibility of mum ,who had a few health issues and to be honest had always been a bit spoiled so expected attention.My surviving older sister and I cared for mum for 12 years without even a phone call from YS ,she didn't answer any efforts to contact her when mum was sick and in hospital ,once for 7 weeks and her last time 10 weeks .She didn't call when mum died and she turned up at the funeral with her partner and HIS parents but left straight after the service.Mum has been gone 11 years now and we still have no contact from her.Yet when I meet friends of hers they always tell me she talks about the wonderful parents/childhood she had .Thers no explanation for her absence from our family and I doubt we'll ever get one .Its sad ,but now I dont know how we would react iif she contacted us...

I have one brother and we never played together as children (no shared interests). My mother clearly favoured him as he was premature, extremely small and his twin died making him especially precious. To give an example of the different care we received I contracted measles and was kept away from my brother by being squashed into the (thankfully large) pram and kept outside on our balcony so that he could have the run of the house.
For some reason, although I was aware of being of secondary importance, I never resented it, had an excellent relationship with both my parents until they died and still have a wonderful supportive relationship with my brother.
Is there something wrong with me?

I havent even spoken to my brother for 6 years since my hisbanf passed away, he ignores all my messages etc I dont really know the reason. As children we got on extremely well although he is and always has been the favoured one by my Mother.
I just dont get hurt any more and accept the situation as his loss as he doesnt see his grown up children from his first martiage or his 6 grandchildren and I do! He is just weird but I do worry about the future and when something happens to my Mother who is 91! But life is too short to worry about some else's failings .

I never spoke to my sister for the last 30+ years of her life. I have fallen out with 2 people since her death. They wanted to extol her as some kind of saint, I put them straight, it didn't go well.

I get on very well with my sister ( more and more as we get older) but her DC don't really get on with each other, and neither do ours.Just one of those things, they all got on as children and teenagers, but then went in different directions etc.
I agree with the OP, we should accept it, it certainly seens to be very common.
Perhaps in later life they will get on better,but if they don't then they don't.

It makes me so sad when families loose connection with each other . Try to put your disagreemts out of the way . Go and see them forgive and forget any felt upsets or feeling wronged . Tell them you love them and move on . If only we could learn to forgive and love each other the world would be a better place .
I would encourage you all to mend things, life can be so much happier . Life is short ?

To PaddyAnn
Just go and see her give her a hug tell her you love here what have you got to loose x

It would be hard for me as my sister is now in Australia. I've tried. She's not interested. Her loss.

All of these posts about not getting along with siblings makes me feel quite upset. I would have given anything to have had even one sibling and now ,as an older widow, so wish I had more family. Realise maybe I too could not get on with a sibling for whatever reason, but chance would be a fine thing. Try to mend those differences those of you lucky enough to have at least one sibling. Life's too short!

Well, you know what they say: "You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends". I am lucky my brother, my sister and myself have always been close, so I chose well!

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family as the saying goes. I have a very close relation whom I have to get along with but if we were not related I would have nothing to do with them. Over the years they have told lies to me, about me, caused me much trouble and heartache and done some very dirty tricks and yet everyone else thinks this person is wonderful. Only my husband and son have witnessed the things this person has said and done but son seems to have forgotten since he married and had children. The relation has no GKs and likes to splash the money around trying to steal everyone else's. There was also a time when the person was almost trying to infiltrate my son and DILs life which piddled me off greatly but I couldn't let it show.

My brother is 8 years older than me so maybe that's part of the reason we were never really close as he was always at a different stage of life than me. We had a troubled home life due to my father's drinking and my brother left home to get married at 18, and moved to the other end of the country a few years later. He phoned occasionally, visited maybe twice before my mum died and then no contact whatsoever. He came home for my dad's funeral when he died, mostly to have closure I think, but he has never made much effort to remain in contact with me, his only sibling, my whole life. He has never shown any interest in my kids or grandkids and has never sent so much as a birthday card to any of them. I can't understand why he decided to cut me out of his life as well as I was only 11 years old when he left home. I can understand he wanted nothing to do with my dad, but once he died I tried hard to resume some kind of regular contact but it wasn't to be. I get a birthday and Xmas card but that's it. It's very sad as he's over 70 now and I'm 63 and have long accepted that we are strangers to each other but I wish that wasn't the case. Unhappy childhoods have lifelong consequences it seems.

I have a sister and she cut all contact with me about 10 years ago. She has done the same with her daughter!
We had a tough childhood and this bonded us together for many years but it was always me doing the running.
My thinking is that she sees me as a reminder of bad times but who knows.she cut her daughter off when she moved abroad.
I've given up trying and feel better for it.

My brother and I never really got along when we were growing up - he was always the favourite (what is it with mothers and sons!?).

However now we are older we get along much better (probably helps that he lives the other side of the world ). We email and phone each other regularly, taking the micky out of each other all the time, when I do visit we spend all the time together laughing.

Whilst growing up I always wanted a sister - preferably an older one, which wouldn't have been easy for obvious reasons!! As an only child I wish even more that I had a sibling now that I am in my 60s and seem to be one of the very few contacts for my mum who was recently widowed and is in her late 80s and becoming more frail. It would be lovely to talk to someone who remembers her in her youth and would share some of the growing responsibilities of having an aged parent.
Sadly my 2 children have barely spoken to each other for over 10 years, even when they both turned up at my house recently! It just seems easier to leave them to it, especially as they live several hundred miles apart and neither of them lives near me! I just wonder what will happen when I am no longer here and they are trying to sort out my "stuff". I really must write a will - soon!!

My sister and I haven't spoken in over a year. She didn't come to my daughter's wedding or a couple of social events we'd booked and paid for. I didn't even get a birthday message on Facebook, let alone a card so have deleted her! My daughters pointed out how she always put me down, talked over me and was often quite rude to me in front of other people. I realised that this is how it has always been. I can't be bothered with her manipulative and controlling self righteous behaviours any more. Strangely enough don't miss being verbally abused and always in the wrong. . .

I'm an only child and whilst I had a very happy childhood I so wish now I had a sibling. Because of this I think it's sad there are so many that don't get along.

I always laugh to myself when actors join the cast of a TV soap or long-running show, say 'It's like one big, happy family'. I have so many friends who have 'disjointed' families, and my own is far from ideal. Let's just admit it, families are just people who happen to be related!

I'm an only child, and to be honest it's never bothered me in the slightest! Now I'm old I have on odd occasions thought it would be nice to have a sibling, but reading some of these posts and observing my own two offspring who, having been extremely fond of each other, fell out over something completely trivial about two years ago and haven't spoken to each other since, I am actually glad to be a lonely only!!

Both DH and I have written detailed wills, and a list of any important items stating who they are for! Bearing in mind our children's intransigence to each other, we felt that this was very important.

You are right trendygran and I know many other single children would have loved to have a sibling. Unfortunately it doesn't always work. In my case, I have one older sister, we rubbed along as children, playing together on holidays but she always preferred her friends to me. No problem, and finally when we both married and had children we became much closer, even though we lived 240 miles apart by then. Then she suddenly cut the while family off without explanation, that is every single family member, my parents, my own family, my aunts, uncles, cousins everyone. I grieved the loss of my sister and niece and nephews for three years but eventually I got over it and accepted that I had no siblings to all intents and purposes. After eight years she decided we should 'be a family again' and we painstakingly built up a relationship again. When her husband died six years ago she was devastated and I did my best to support her by regular trips up to see her and bringing her down to us, going on short breaks with her, and even going on three cruises with her, leaving my long suffering DH to his own devices. I texted almost every day because she wanted me to (she won't speak on the phone, or email)and if I missed a couple of days she wasn't happy. Anyway, to cut a long story short, she's now done it again, just my mother and me this time, and this time we know why, it's because we didn't do as she wanted us to regarding visiting her whilst I was up visiting Mum, who lives about 20/25 miles from sister. Mum is 89 and we'd gone up to see Dad's memorial on the only day in the year it's open (book of rememberance.) I've just thought, well what the heck, I can't be bothered with this again, I'd rather have a relationship with her, but I can't keep dancing to her tune, but I do feel very sorry for my DM.

interesting posts. I had 2 brothers, one died. Haven't really fallen out with the other but just got fed up with his wife! I have one child so never really thought about how one feels when your children fall out.