The lost friendship

I agree Eglantine!

Well affirmation that she had done nothing wrong I suppose ...still makes me sad but there we go

I think everyone has tried their best to be fair and to put the other persons possible point of view with the information given. Its a pity that the op is upset with the response as it was mostly meant kindly and to be of help.
I have experience of being the poorer party in a long term friendship. This year has been dreadful for us and after some time feeling very unhappy about a number of things i wrote to her and have heard nothing from her since. Friendships do sometimes have a shelf life as someone else said.

Ok, I didn't read the original thread, but in this thread the op, at first, suggested that she gave the gift back because it broke the agreement. Now she's saying it was because the pjs were "too small." Which is it? Did I misread something?

too small and ... the Disney theme of the pj's! slight narrative change...

Cheque, I read your explantation of the conversations with your friend and it did put a different light on it. The fact that you asked in the first place about returning them, why ask, she had sent them, why would she have done thato if she thought you didn't want them whatever had you agreed, the response in exasperation, of buy a bottle of gin should have been enough, but you pursued it. It seems as if you were generous with money, but she has feelings, she must have thought what she did was not good enough. I don't think there is any going back now as it wasn't about the money, it was about her feelings.you were generous yet but it seems you didn't really know her.

Ah well, sounds as if the dead horse can at last stop being flogged
(Apologies for that unattractive image before breakfast.)

Many years ago, my eldest daughter took umbrage at something she thought I had said or done. To this day do not know what it as all about, however, I got a card saying 'I AM SORRY' and wrote in it that whatever it was that i had done to upset her and I was truly sorry and ,please would she forgive me? She phoned me the same day.
All you can do is to apologise to her for whatever she thinks you have done to upset her. Do not try to find out exactly what, just send her by landmail, a really nice Sorry Card and say that you really miss her and do hope she can forgive you enough to get back in touch.
If she does not respond, then treat it as if she died!!!

I am new to Gransnet but your thread stood out! I too was rejected by a long standing friend of 40 years and it hurt! But I later found out she was suffering from severe clincial depression and she just found it easier to block people from the past (for whatever reason) I desperately wanted to resume contact but respected her decision and told her I would be here if she needed me and left it at that.

You say you know this isn't the case with your friend? I am also getting from your post that she sent you something and you returned it?

You point out your friend wasn't well off and you used to spoil her with holidays and jewellery etc. I am guessing her gift to you meant a lot to her and the fact you returned it showed how little it meant to you? (all conjecture of course).

I know you felt it was the right thing to do and perhaps people previously have given you similar thoughts which you took to mean criticism. I am not criticising just throwing some thoughts in the mix.

TBH I can fully understand how someone would be offended. OK so you have someone who has given you lots and lots and you feel you want to send something within your means and its returned? Why would you then want to accept a bouquet of flowers from them? Whether that would be enough to terminate a long standing relationship I don't know.

As others say, all you can do is write and apologise and tell her how you feel. If you don't get any response then you will just have to accept it. Look back on your friendship with fondness but don't let it make you ill. Move on and concentrate on other things.

Good luck x

The fact that the OP has left Gransnet in a huff because she did not receive 100% approval speaks volumes. I too remember the original posting and in no way were the comments offensive or over-harsh and it's very silly of people to react to one person's opinion of Gransnetters' opinions without reading all the previous posts. The OP may well be a very well-meaning and generous person but it is obvious that her friend did not have the same strength of feeling towards her and was grateful for the 300-mile separation between them. The friendship sounded very lop-sided - who knows what the 'poorer' friend felt about all that largesse. True, she could have taken a raincheck on some of the treats, but often that is harder than it sounds.
I think it's rather sad, not to say worrying, that someone should be 'heartbroken' and for so long, about the ending of a friendship. Blissfully happy marriages can turn sour and come to an end; we must accept that the same goes for friendships. Let them go.