Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Thanks bibbity ?That's kind of you to say I do try and thank god I can see light end of tunnel after only 3 weeks on antidepressants. Still feeli tense and donget snappy with dh but so glad cloud is lifting!

I honestly think after 9 years of estrangement, then major op this year losing ourmbeloved rosie just tipped me over, gp said I needed some extra serotonin at this time

I am allowed l. Sedative a day also. I was v sad after 16 years not taken any medicisiton but glad took her advice,

i would urge anyone to seek help before depression gets grip maddyone kindly told me her experiences which helped a lot.

Violetfloss I can totally understand that and what cruel thing to tell you. Especially having lost your Dad? X

Rhinestone I agree with your idea of trying to be brave from now on and when the subject comes up, to say ''I am estranged from DS DIL and DGC''.

Its not always easy thought.

celeb good to hear you have nice GP who has helped you.

Wishing all of us here a peaceful Christmas, I will be thinking of you all on the day.

I am trying to avoid toys, negative people ( or at least until January) in the run up to Christmas Day. Looking forward to seeing friends now and old, over this week.

I know I am lucky compared to many of you but I have found that as Xmas gets nearer I am just dreading it! It will be treading on eggshells endlessly as usual with my DIL and I try so hard ....and added to it is the difficulties between my own children because of their respective partners! I am trying so hard to focus on the positives around my two GC ! I'm so aware that many of you will envy my still seeing my GC and I sympathise totally with you...but how I wish my own experience didn't have to be so difficult and every year I wonder if the crunch will come before next Xmas!

(((Hugs))) Madgran!

Thankyou Starlady!

Every year since my GC were born I have made up a little Christmassy bag each (little felt bags that I made) of small presents for them to open when they arrive; it was to keep them busy as we don't open presents until after lunch and also it seems nice to have little routines that children remember as they grow up (my grown up children still remember the lovely little gingerbreads that my mum used to make for them, hanging on her Xmas tree!) Every year the GC have arrived excited and happy to open the three or four little presents in their bags! My DIL has now suddenly said that I must not do this anymore. I asked why but she just said that she thought it was a silly idea and then wouldn't discuss it. I didn't get upset, just said that I was sad not to be able to do that anymore for them, but that if that is what she wanted then of course I would stop. My son says that as my DIL prefers it that way he agrees. I am so sad, upset and confused by this ...and of course I am now wondering what to do with the two little bags of 4 small presents that are already sitting under our Xmas Tree. I originally made gingerbread decorations on the tree like my mum but my DIL said that was unhygienic so those went too and the bags were an alternative. I know that as the parents of course they must do as they see best but I wish I could understand better why this is such a problem! This all feels like one more step towards CO if my head!

Madgran77 that is so very unkind of your d i law
I am at loss to understand why she would be so ungrateful for the effort you went to with those little gifts,

Having said that I know I have been estranged for so long but each Xmas for 8 years we got gifts together for each Grandaughter up to last year we sent NExt vouchers they weren't returned but never ever acknowledged.

It got too demoralising in end but when I look back dh wasn't so keen but I spent ages choosing things and always sent gift receipts for clothes, what awful waste of my love and energy but at least I tried hard as you are now,

I do hope you are not too on edge,

Sugarpuff fairy hope you are feeling bit better and lucklegs too.

Smilelss if you reading have wonderful time with your son.

We went back folk dancing last night to the party I managed 4 dances gosh feel bit stiff today! Was wonderful see old friends, first time all year been able to go,

Apologies I meant to say sparklygran hope you feeling brighter!
Sugarpuff did used to post here ? sorry!
Dh just left last day at work ! Been pharmacist for 50 years bless him pray he has health to enjoy some lovley relaxing times now.
He worked so hard purely for me and his son and daughter
At least our son appreciates him ! And me of course,

Madgran, she sounds like incredibly hard work.
What you have been doing sounds lovley especially the Gingerbread biscuits!
Why don't you ask your Son or DIL of there's any activities you could do that the children would enjoy?
Put the ball in their court.
Have you tried Salt dough? It's like pastry/playdoh, then you cook it on the oven and paint it. Perfect for non edible Christmas decorations.
Or a christmas cake? Or the Gingerbread houses that you buy and put together? 3 options there, 1 must ok.

Don't try and understand, you'll drive yourself mad. Just grin and bear it then offload on here.

Sorry for jumping in, I had a notification and thought I could help.

Celeb, glad you're feeling better!

Thank you all for joining me in the count down to DS arriving from Aus. He's hereso Christmas came early this year, at precisely 1.30 pm on Sunday afternoon.

I nearly knocked him over when I threw myself at him for that first hug and then drenched him with my tears of joy.

Dear friends, this is I think the hardest time of the year for those estranged from AC and GC. Another Christmas when we imagine the joy and excitement on the faces of our GC when they open their presents on Christmas day. Knowing that every year that passes and as they get older, that excitement changes when they realise there's no such person as Father Christmas and that particular magic of Christmas ceases to be.

We've missed out on so much already and will miss out on so much more in the years to come. For those of us on this thread who are estranged, our pain has brought us together to give one another what support we can, a place to vent and share our deepest and darkest thoughts.

We can share in the joy of good news, from those being able to see their GC when circumstances change and those who have a GC to another of their C and are able to be a part of their lives.

We can listen to those who've experienced estrangement from the other perspective, who themselves have CO parents or who have no contact with their in laws at the behest of their partners. Or simply those with no personal experience but wish to offer their opinion and/or advice.

We've been doing this for a long time, and long may we continue to do so.

Hello everyone....tis I Rosy....aka Gabrielle!

We had an early Christmas when my son came home last week, and it was wonderful. We refused to have the "elephant in the room" with us, so we talked things through, at great length, then put it to bed, and got on with the business of enjoying ourselves. I re-iterated that until and unless his wife changed, I would not be making waves to cause unhappiness to him or his little one. My granddaughter is an absolute beauty, and the image of my son. Not just the looks, but the same little characteristics as him, that only I would recognise. She is already bilingual at the age of four. I was roaring with laughter at one of the videos. She's standing there, this tiny little angel, wagging her finger up at my six foot plus son, and saying "No no no daddy, that's not how you say it in Italian. Now listen to me."

I've just received a video of them boarding the plane to go to spend Christmas with my daughter-in-laws family. I'm trying so very hard to be brave, but that has hurt.

Smileless your elation at having your son home too, has jumped off the page. Like me, you will treasure every second.

If I don't get back on, my wishes for you all this Christmas would be whatever you wish yourselves.x.Rosy.

Violet thanks for your comments. We do do little activities with GC when looking after them (I know we are lucky!) The little bags and the gingerbreads were about little special touches when they visit our house, just like my children had with their grandparents! But it is those little touches that are not allowed for whatever reason. They are all supposed to be visiting on Boxing Day - I am fearing a call to say they are not coming but that is I think just my fear in my head!

Violet floss your comments are very welcome on here you are not jumping in?.

Do hope madgran that Boxing Day plans go well,

I am now really looking forward to going to our sons Xmas eve and realise we are v lucky to have him.

Tomorrow seeing my dear little great niece and nephew things good!

Smilless I can imagine your delight Sunday afternoon will be be next week!

Have managed some cleaning dear brother not coming today just rang so better fix tea for my newly retired husband ??

Madgran, just let it go over your head and enjoy the day. It's not worth stressing about.they will come Boxing Day, bet your gc are looking for forward to it, do they spend Christmas a Day with her other Nan and granddad?
Lovely your son being home this Christmas Smileless, sure you will have a great time. Looking forward to spending few days with my son and family, I am not stressing about d, but

daresay I will give a thought to Christmas past, but that's what they are, past. I am finally too tired to stress anymore, this is just how it is, like Rhinestone I don't cover up, just say I don't see her if anyone asks and that I prefer not to discuss it, if anyone has a problem with it I can't help that, that is how I cope.I really think there's no perfect family anyway.
Love to everyone. Bit worried about Yogagirl, she is so obviously not coping and I do hope she feels better soon.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Which Doctor is this Yogagirl? The one she made up that doesn't even exist?

The thing is, I haven't disclosed any information on how we found out she was lying, nor have I said what types of cancer she said she had. So how on earth can you, once again, dream up a scinarero that hasn't happened and state it as fact. You're once again, lying. What you're saying, you are making up. You don't know anything about it.

WTF is wrong with you? That rape analogy is disgusting and extremely inappropriate!

Well, I wouldn't quite put it like that Bibbity, but I too found the rape analogy very disturbing.

I mean come on! You are not the same as a rape victim facing their attacker. Jesus Christ!
No!
You're belief right now is the height of narcissism 'the greatest victim'

Ps. I hope you've given Celeb a very large apology.

The reason I am on this support thread is because of you, you invited me here!
You dragged it all from another thread and have said blatant lies about me. You're lying. You just keep carrying on, making up things up as you go along, about a situation you know nothing about.
You are spewing a pack of lies.
God only knows what it must be like from your Daughters perspective. Jesus Christ, it's like talking to wall.

Thank you all for your kind PMs xx

I would like to invite Violet's M.i.l to come on our page of support for Grandmothers cut out of the lives of their AC&GC, to tell how when given the 'all clear' from her cancer scare, she expected a hug & kiss from her Son and a thank God! instead she found herself being cut out of his and her GC lives; the words came from my son's mouth, but I knew the act was from my d.i.l's mind

I remember a d.i.l coming on here, years ago, to gloat about how she didn't even go to her Mothers funeral and how she had made sure her little girls never got to know their Grandmother, I didn't reply to her post & nor did anyway else on the page. I still remember this and reprimand myself for not replying with flowers for her poor Mother & for her little girls being denied a loving Grandma. So they were never reunited ;-(

I'll end on a lighter note, I braved the drive to Bluewater yesterday for some Xmas shopping and lunch with my sister, it's quite the same as Lakeside, but the M&S is amazing! I did search for another Grans forum to swap onto, but their isn't one; Gransnet local, but although the front page is local news & pics, the forums are these forums, the same ones. The closed forums for GMs cut out are too intense

You've literally copied and pasted the comment that was deleted by Gransnet. You've deleted the rape quote though, well done on that but you've once again, told a pack of lies. You have made that up, that's not what happened.

You are still lying!

Above is the post that was deleted, minus the two line comparison from another support thread & I didn't say I was the victim Bibbity or compared myself to one. I apologise to those that merit it.

I apologise to those that merit it.

If that is in regard to Celeb. Believe me. You damn well owe her an apology. She has had the patience of a saint with regards to you bullying her.

GNHQ sent me the deleted post, minus the comparison, for me to re-post.