Parent of AC facing prison

Hi Abbey I'm so very sorry for you. I worked in the criminal justice system (not in the UK) and always, always there'd be one person faithfully sitting through it all: the accused person's mother.

I think there are organisations for parents of people who have been charged with an offence, someone may come along soon with some info.

I Googled and found this, hope it is helpful:

www.offendersfamilieshelpline.org

Don't try to understand why he did what he did just now , just support him ,it's probably what he needs most right now.

Thank you Grannyknot

Thank you Nanabilly

You just have to support him I can’t imagine how hard this is for you what a nightmare but he needs you more than ever now, do seek professional help if you feel you can, for yourself

( sorry for being so ignorant but what is AC)

You are understandably disappointed and my heart goes out to you. You can only stick by him. He needs to know that what he has done is wrong and that you are sad that he has done this - but that you are there for him.

A huge challenge for you.

Bluebelle AC is short for "Adult Child".

You must tell him that you love him but just now you don't like him for what he has done.
He will need your love and your support. I just hope he appreciates what you are doing.
Good luck to you both.

Hopefully you will be able to visit him in prison and write to him, that means a lot to anyone in that situation.
Being a Mother is often a hard thing to be, we worry about our AC all the time.?

Thank you grannyknot I did look in the acronyms but it didn’t give AC I was wondering if it was adopted child So confusing

Good advice here, abbeygran. If you can step aside from the (alleged) actions and see the person you will be able to offer support and love. I'm a little worried that your son might turn against you, sometimes that happens, think a cornered animal, if he does remember this isn't about you. He will be angry with himself. I'm sorry you have this worry, please keep talking here if it helps but do remember this is a public forum and don't give too many details, everyone will understand why. Sending you hugs.

Whatever he did ,you're his mum,so be there for him.We all make mistakes some worse than others and we all deserve a second chance .Try to seperate what he did from who he is ,he'll have had his reasons and however wrong they were they shouldn't mean he loses his family as well as his freedom.Try to be brave when you see him and let him know you'll be there when his sentence is over .I wish you all the best outcome from his court case and hope he learns from his mistake

Cornergran - yes, some good advice. We're all in turmoil, devastated, but trying to stay calm for the GC. They've never been apart so it's particularly hard for them. This is the first time I've been able to try and verbalise what has happened in over a week, to anyone but immediate family. Another problem, lots of calls and messages from well meaning friends which I've managed to dodge so far. Thank you to all of you G'Netters, you're all lifesavers xx

Sorry but a lot depends on the nature of the offence.
In some cases l 'd say stick with it and be the supportive mum.
In a different scenario, if the behaviour is unspeakably awful I 'd walk away from him but be there for the family.

Tend to agree with mcem, would depend quite how serious the crime and type of injury,if any, to others have been incurred. Its a hard decision to have to make. Only you can make it as you know what has happened.
a very hard situation for you as mum. Sending good wishes.

Thanks for asking what AC meant , bluebelle I was confused as well.

Abbygran, I'm sorry you're in this awful situation, it must be absolutely life changing for you, and altered your whole vision of the future .. as you perceived it might be..

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, Abbeygran.

My heart aches for you, Abbeygran. How deeply painful this must be for you and the gc.

Are you sure ds (dear son) is guilty though? You sound as if you are, but what does he say?

Do you have a dh (dear husband) sharing this burden with you?

Do the gc have a mum? How is she handling all this?

As for you, I agree with mcem - sort of. There are a few offenses that would make me walk away from my ac, but only a very few, and it would depend on the circumstances and whether or not I believed they were guilty.

I don’t agree with mcem who says depending on what your son has done whether you support him or not, I think you support your son whatever he’s done that doesn’t mean you agree with what he’s done but he’s your son for ever
Imagine you are in this situation Mcem and your child has committed a dreadful crime could you really turn your back on them, surely love of your child transcends all however bad

Abbeygran I am so sorry - you must be feeling shock and grief and everything in-between.

I agree with Bluebelle - parental love is unconditional. It is not the same as 'like' and you can, when the time is right, express that you dislike what he did. So sad, but if the justice system takes its course and he does prison time, then the emphasis will change from sentence and punishment to rehabilitation over time and you could be key to helping him and his family with both current loss and later re-acclimatisation.

All that said, there is no 'right' or 'wrong', you just have to find your way for you through this and I hope you are offered the right help and support to find a pathway that helps you to process the complex feelings that must arise from this and also know how to support yourself and his family where approrpiate.

I could not imagine walking away if it were me and I get the impression you are deeply committed to the long haul, but bearing the cost of staying involved will only be apparent over time.

It may be that on top of all the other 'layers' that your AC is having to come to terms with, are guilt and shame for letting you down that might be very hidden / hard to express, or come out 'wrongly' at present. You could compound those feelings or relieve them to some extent by your responses and any support you feel able to give.

So hard for you. I am glad you can draw some support from posting here.

Starlady he has admitted his guilt to the police. We just have to await the course of the justice system, which even tho he has admitted guilt, will continue until fully investigated. Thank you for your kind words.

Imperfect27. Thank you for your words, you are exactly right. I do not like this one little bit, I am from a law abiding family - not even a parking ticket.....but he is still my son and always will be.

Abbeygran, I agree with those who say they would support their children unconditionally. You can never imagine what it is like until it happens to you. I'm glad so many people have been supportive of you on this thread.
Imperfect's post offers sound advice.
Please be kind to yourself.