Some twenty odd years back, I can so well remember going round to very dear friends, on the afternoon that their son was found guilty of a very nasty crime. I can remember thinking that there is not an etiquette book written that says what to do in these circumstances. They were /are a lovely family, their daughter was at Uni, and this was their eldest. Not the first time he had been in trouble, and he could never admit his crimes. His sentence was ten years, which had to serve in full.
Whatever he had done, he was still their son, and they made it quite clear to him that whilst, hating what he had done (and they knew he had done it), they still loved him. His sister took much longer to come to terms with what her beloved elder brother had done.
The parents always visited him at the many different prisons he was sent to - never missing a visiting time. They supported him as he took various exams, and moved home to a different part of the country, ready for when he was finally released. They did not encourage him to come back to live with them, but helped him find a small flat to get out of the probation hostel.
They did make it very clear at that point, that this was his last chance with them and any further offences of any sort, they would cut him out of their lives.
Since he has been out, a few years now, - he has turned his life around - and is working and leading a good, respectable life. Even got himself a girlfriend, yes she does know about his past record. He, himself does say that if his parents had not been there supporting him over that ten years, then there is no way he would be where he is now.
Your child remains just that always.......I know when I hear of some horrific crime involving young people as perpetrators, I do find myself with tears for their parents as well as the families of the victims.
Good Luck - it will get easier with time.
