Husbands

I wholeheartedly agree with vampire queen. This man is controlling your life so don’t waste the rest of your life in misery. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck x

Be very careful about telling him you're going to leave. He will start to convince you that you won't be able to cope on your own even though you coped perfectly well before you married him. Spending money rashly can be a symptom of being depressed. Buying something new gives you a quick rush of pleasure but this soon fades and you need another fix. If this is what happened do not let him blame you and do not blame yourself. Depression leads you to act in ways you wouldn't normally act. It actually affects the way you think and can make you more prone to risk taking (hence my Jezebel period lol). You're dealing with the issues because you said you're on a payment plan.

Escaping is the best thing I ever did. I had nothing but the house I was renting. I slept on a mattress on the floor but I slept easy.

There are some posts on here who are not reading the previous posts before they give their opinion.
The OP was NOT in debt before she married. Her debt has been caused by her mean abusive second husband.
Please don't tell him you intend to leave OP, mean as it is to do such a thing, he will go for your jugular.

I agree with vampire queen. Run.... And keep running.

To comment on here, vampirequeen, about having run up £30,000 of debt and boast about never having to pay it back is pretty despicable behaviour in my book so I don't understand why people are saying your advice is good. Why should the companies/people you owe money to not expect to be paid back!

I don't think you've read what was said correctly. She is paying back what's owed.

quizqueen, ouch!! that is very harsh comment especially when you don't know the full circumstances of why others get into debt. Fortunately I have never been in debt however, I admire those who are open and honest and trying to do the right thing.

Goldie11 Good luck in your final decision.
No one on Gransnet can tell you what you ought to do. I think you already know what your next step should be...

Sincere Best wishes
My prayers are with you.

Quizqueen....firstly I wasn't boasting about running up such a debt. I was showing how financial and emotional abuse can make you do things you wouldn't normally do. Why am I in so much debt? Well my ex-husband would run up debts on credit cards. I was the only one working and he would persuade me that it was a good idea to take out a loan to pay off the debts because the interest would be so much lower. I would take out the loan and pay off the card. He would cut up the offending card but a few weeks later apply for another from a different company. Of course he had a brilliant credit rating so they always agreed. If you have to wonder why I fell for this so often then you are fortunate enough to never have been a victim of financial and emotional abuse. By the time my ex had finished working on me I was so under control that if he'd said that black was white I would have agreed. Secondly I pay £1 each month to all of my creditors. You may think this isn't enough but they do. In fact, after looking at my income and expenditure evidence, several of them have queried whether I can actually afford £1. When I took out the loans I was in a good job earning good money and could pay the amounts required. Since then, through no fault of my own, I became seriously ill and had to take ill health retirement. Needless to say my income plummeted hence I pay such a reduced amount. It would have been easy for me to accept the creditor’s offers and made no payments but I feel that I need to pay something even if it is only a token amount.

I can't help thinking that you were quick to accuse me, Quizqueen, but not so quick to respond when challenged.

vampirequeen I thought your post was a very good analysis of what has been happening to Goldie11. Very good advice for her. Don't take any notice of the negative post from quizqueen, you do not have to justify yourself to someone like that.

I agree. Cheek of it!

I agree too! Some people don’t read posts properly.

If you have never had the misfortune to be in debt, you are extremely fortunate. It is not until you are that you realise how difficult it is to improve the situation but it can be done.
Rule 1 don't panic
Rule 2 seek advice from citizens advice.
Rule 3 talk to your creditors offer them £5 or £10 to play for time.
Rule 4 are there assets you could sell on eBay?
Rule5 can you increase your income?.
Most important ask for help.

This is great question about the husband, if you worked less, maybe you could decorate the house paint is cheap enough, second hand stuff on free-cycle can be very useful.